Random

Quotes: Flyover Country

Oh, there's nothing halfway
About the Iowa way to treat you
When we treat you,
Which we may not do at all
There's an Iowa kind of special
Chip-on-the-shoulder attitude
We've never been without, that we recall
The Music Man, "Iowa Stubborn"

We're called 'The Heartland'
Not very smart-land
IQ's are very low but threat levels are high
I hate to generalize
But have you seen the thighs?
Most haven't seen their genitalia in a while
NOFX, Leaving Jesusland

You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history.
Dogma

Bill: What's so 'interesting' about radio?
Dave: (helpfully) I think radio is a fascinating medium.
Bill: You're from Wisconsin. Artificial light is fascinating to you.
NewsRadio, "Bill's Autobiography"

Mulder: (on phone) Where are you?
Scully: I'm in a convenience store on the outskirts of, uh... civilization.
The X-Files, "War of the Coprophages"

Fry: I'm impressed. In my time we had no idea Mars had a university.
Professor Farnsworth: That's because then Mars was a uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah, Mars was eventually made livable when the university was founded in 2636.
Futurama, "Mars University"'

Real Life

All Americans come from Ohio originally, if only briefly.
Dawn Powell

It is hard for the new-class person to realize that Manhattan is not the world. Or as the somewhat alarmed Philip Rahv said to me after he had taken a drive across the United States, 'My God! There are so many of them!' In theory, Rahv had always known that there were a couple hundred million of gentiles out there, but to see them, in the flesh, unnerved him. I told him that I was unnerved, too, particularly when they start showering in the blood of the lamb.

Growing up in Ohio was just planning to get out.

This woman from Oklahoma once told me: 'Yer goin' to HELL, boy!' I was like, 'Well, I'm already in Oklahoma...'

David: The TV then reports Ted Kord talking about the stolen scarab, and then refers to Kord Industries as, and this cracked me up, “The Blackwater of the Midwest.“
Chris: Oh man. “The Blackwater of the Midwest.” That makes it sound like from Ohio to the Dakotas is just some Post-Apocalyptic War Zone with roving gangs of mercenaries, which… well, it’s not entirely accurate, anyway.
—Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Smallville ("Booster")

Jack: I watched this several times as a kid; I still kinda like it.
Rich: What did you see in it??
Jack: I grew up on a farm, and we didn't have—
(everyone guffaws)
Jay: You can end it right there. "I liked Supergirl because I grew up on a farm." Cut.

Clark Kent/Superman's spaceship landed in Kansas when he was an infant. He was the 'last' survivor of his home planet of Krypton. Jonathan and Martha Kent, his adoptive parents, raised him on their farm in the town of Smallville, Kansas. Clark grew up with strong moral values and a desire to protect the people of his adoptive homeworld. This led to a willingness to sacrifice everything for even the smallest cause...Since that time anything that is labeled as Bizarro is thought to be diametrically opposed to the 'normal/real' thing. Hence, the Kansas of the DC Universe is actually a Bizarro Kansas as it is not a bastion of anti-intellectualism, fundamentalism, and Dark Age-like anti-science.

The new Vikings stadium will come with a clear roof that will cause the deaths of thousands of birds simply by existing. So I'd like to thank the Vikings for supplying me with the greatest metaphor ever for Minnesotan passive aggression.... This is the shitty team and criminal organization that Vikings fans like me deserve. These people never get excited about anything except when they have a chance to whisper 'I hear it's very Jewish' under their breath to other people. They can't get enough of that. Minnesotans are as fickle as Sun Belt-area fans, without the justifiable excuse of having better things to do. They hate everything and everyone, and if you aren't from Minnesota they'll treat you as if you aren't even there. You may as well be a fucking ghost. It's like you speak a whole other language if you didn't grow up six blocks from the Hansenjohnsons in White Bear Lake. The most exciting thing about Minnesota is when people get shot there in various iterations of Fargo.
Drew Magary, "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Minnesota Vikings"

The Nonexistent States of America: Most of the Britons on the board firmly believe that the Dakotas, Wyoming, Colorado etc. are entirely fictional, and were only invented by American airline companies in order to make their planes seem faster than they are on flights from the east coast to the west coast. This is strongly denied by most of the American posters, especially those who believe they live in the said nonexistent states: on the contrary, according to the Americans, it is Delaware that is fictional.