Quotes / Fetish Retardant

Live-action TV

"Look, eventually you hit a point of diminishing returns on the sexiness."
Jeff Winger, Community


"I Am Curious (Yellow) is not merely not erotic. It is anti-erotic. Two hours of this movie will drive thoughts of sex out of your mind for weeks. See the picture and buy twin beds."

Web Original

"This was actually the greatest accomplishment of Harding's career. Hospitals still use the Tonya Harding sex tape when they need to pump several stomachs at once."

"Donít worry, youíre not the only one who is getting a case of the uncomfortables after looking at Miley Cyrus in adult baby drag. Iím sure even Pedobear was like ďOkay, thatís enough internet for todayĒ before shutting his laptop and whipping it out the window."
DListed, "Miley Cyrus Dressed Like A Giant Horny Baby For Her New Video, Because Of Course She Did"

"And for the record, can you tell me the exact moment in your life where it all went wrong? I just want to make sure I never get to the point where naked pics of Nic Cage give me the vapors."
Michael K., "Things That Should Not Exist Ever: Nicolas Cage Sex Pics"

"It eventually escalates to an eye-roller of a seduction scene that involves Vincent showing Mary how to make gnocchi, and if you enjoy that particular dish as I do, never watch this sequence."

"The boobie prize has to go hands down to Mae West who at 77 years old was still playing the sex goddess who beds everyone. This is like when Tom Jones still thought he ďhad itĒ and released "Sex Bomb" as a single. No one bought it, and no one buys the Cryptkeeper-like West as some temptress. In fact the idea of her and Thomas Magnum getting it on makes me throw up a little in my mouth."

"Who knows if it will be his real jizz face or if itís just him cringing at himself for actually signing up for that shit."
Michael K. on Jamie Dornan, Fifty Shades of Grey

"Oh my word. Watching a fake Deanna Troi seductively stroking Picardís chest hair is not what I imagined I would see whilst eating my breakfast this morning."

"No, the true WrestleMania moments canít be manufactured; they have to occur organically. Moments like Maria Menounosís spray-tan skid mark."

"With the possible exception of the original Star Trek, the franchise has never really figured out how to make ďsexyĒ work...The result was pretty people pawing each other in creepy blue lighting."
Darren Mooney on Star Trek: Enterprise, "A Night in Sickbay"

"Editorial disliked the notion of Peter Parker having fathered children out of wedlock, but were just fine with the idea provided the father was changed to the nefarious Norman Osborn. Also, it resulted in the following artwork being drawn, and Iím sure youíll agree the entire world wouldíve been better off without it ever existing."

"Have you ever wanted to read a comic where Spider-Manís kindly Aunt May and Uncle Ben just go at it over the course of one hot, horny summer? If you said yes, then thanks for reading [this article] Mark Millar, because you are the only one."

Web Video

""Yes. Worse than "My Humps". The king has been dethroned. There was a time when I was blessedly ignorant about what to do with that big fat butt, but those days are over."
Todd in the Shadows on Jason Derulo's "Wiggle" ("Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2014")

"AWW! Aww, no— no. No fringe coming out of the butt. That's... (sigh) that's just unfortunate."

"Jesus Christ, this scene is like finding out Freddy Krueger is gonna be your urologist."

"This game really disturbs me. But I don't get it! Is this supposed to be erotic? I don't know about you, but I'm not AT ALL turned on by some old wrinkly shitty witch titties. That's fuckin' nasty, man! What sick fuck came up with this? What were they thinking?
The Angry Video Game Nerd, on Philly Flasher in his Atari Porn review.