Quotes: Fan Dumb

I like your game. I don't like your gamers.
Mahatma Gandhi (maybe)

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    fiction 

"It's not the band I hate, it's their fans"
—"Coax Me" by Sloan

"Worst Cosmic Wars ever! I will only see it three more times! ...today."
Comic Book Guy, The Simpsons, "Co-Dependent's Day"

"But of course the FAN DUMB started arriving..."
Lester, a character in the Web Comic Housepets!, who is a Monomaniac, Purist, and Perfectionist about Anime.

All the kids: Calling on, Super Star Battle Team, Star Rangers!
Little Kid 1: Red Star!
Little Kid 2: Blue Star!
Little Kid 3: Yellow Star!
Little Kid 4: Black Star!
Little Kid 5: Ah... What was it?
Miki: ...oh, yeah, it’s "Dark Star!"
Akihiko (Who is almost thirty years old, yelling furiously): Wrong! It’s PINK Star! If you don’t even know such basic information, you shouldn’t be role-playing star rangers!

    real life 
"Philadelphia fans makes the Ferguson Police Department seem relaxed, level-headed, and poorly armed."

"Redskins fan worship RGIII the way a stalker worships a woman he's about to stab to death. They love him so much that they get SO VERY ANGRY when RGIII does something to disappoint them, like accepting gifts from fans on his wedding registry. WE LOVE YOU RGIII BUT NOW YOU MUST DIE FOR NOT BEING PERFECT. WE SHALL WEAR YOUR SKIN AT NIGHT. If I were RGIII, I would be terrified."
Drew Magary on Robert Griffin III

"...I said that a mild graphical upgrade that keeps gameplay exactly the same as the previous generation should not be anything to get hyped about—and people hated me saying that. I think that video appealed to an audience of really, really sycophantic console fanboys that my videos don't usually to; but if one of them slips through the cracks and sees this, if someone seriously gets offended by this, if one of you honestly believes that the only way I can say these things is if I'm being secretly paid off by the competition, then seriously look at what you're defending."
George Weidman, "8th Gen Console Gaming"

"At the end of the day, Marvel is consciously pushing to try to attract new types of fans, and DC is consciously doubling down on its existing adult white male readership...Comics are too expensive and too niche. And that means that the bulk of their fans are pathological in a variety of ways. More bluntly, it means that the existing comics readership has serious fucking issues, as demonstrated by their propensity to hurl hate speech and rape threats at female members of the community and to visibly be racist shitbags at any given opportunity."

"I have learned, in crafting my own stories, that the audience for original concepts and ideas, while not as strong in terms of finance as those for a known character like Superman, is much more kind... people who treat Superman as a religion would question my sexual orientation, my masculinity. My life was threatened. There is passion, to put it mildly."
Neal Bailey on reviewing Smallville

"A Trekker is a Star Trek fan, and a Trekkie is someone who insists you call them a Trekker."
Luke Ski

"...to be honest, the reaction from the fans has been remarkably even. While the Bring Back Kirkers are certainly vocal, they don’t by any stretch of the imagination have a clear and decisive majority among the fan reaction that we’ve gotten. Some liked it, some didn’t. You can dispute that if you wish, but the cold truth is that the people who want to see Vedek Bareil back on DS9 are not only louder, but more persistent, and more numerous. (And we’re not bringing him back either.)"
Ron D. Moore on the death of Captain Kirk

"Just let that sink in: There was a group of people who cared so much about one of DS9’s most generic side characters that they held a candlelight vigil in his honor... There are really only three possibilities here: (a) they brought back Vedek Bareil just to shut the fans up, (b) they got the idea from the campaign and decided on their own that it would make for a good story, or (c) the letter writing campaign actually convinced them that a lot of people wanted to see Bareil come back.

If it’s (c), well, I think there’s a great cautionary tale here about what happens when you listen to the fans. Because the hardcore followers of any franchise,
Star Trek or otherwise, who make the most noise are generally the ones most bogged down by their own personal hang-ups and obsessions, and therefore the least capable of knowing what would make for a good story."
The Agony Booth on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Resurrection"

"If a developer announces their intention to adapt to videogames what is simultaneously a massive movie franchise and the croutons in the primordial soup of nerd culture, that developer should be treated the way one treats a man standing on the ledge of a tall building, because that is the perfect storm of drama they're letting themselves in for. You have the movie people on one side, concerned that you didn't render Gollum's left buttock in accordance with the style guide, and on the other the long-standing fanboys meaningfully sharpening the impractically large replica sword. It's like trying to pull on an all-black nativity play for a fundamentalist christian and a militant atheist—both holding megaphones."

"There have been some wonderfully blown out of proportion tweets from John Simm of late basically telling Doctor Who'' fans to fuck off and leave him alone for a role that he played years ago now and had no responsibility whatsoever in the writing. Good for him. What the hell is the point of hounding the actor especially when he is bringing the material to life with such zeal? I’m a massive fan of his portrayal myself, but even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be looking to vocally spread blame like some fans think they have the right to do.

"It's like hearing someone brag about their personal library and you find out it's filled with nothing but Star Wars novels and Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books. I know they're printed on pulped trees and bought at a Borders, but that doesn't make them real books. Consuming those is an exercise in stunting your ability to appreciate real storytelling. I wouldn't trust a food critic if all he ever grubbed on were hot dogs, and I don't trust Whedonites when their experience with moving pictures begins and ends with Mutant Enemy productions. "Once More With Feeling" shouldn't be a goddamn Rocky Horror Picture Show. Fuck, it's not even a good musical. But then, you'd have to have watched another musical to know that."

Even though the Twilight saga ended almost two years ago and even though it’s been a million years since Robert Pattinson quit humping on professional scowler Kristen Stewart, there are still some crazy Twihard fangirls out there clutching at their Edward Cullen and Bella Swan barbie dolls and weeping salty sparkly tears over the news that RPattz has moved on to British singer-songwriter FKA Twigs. But because Twihards are the definition of ‘stunted’, they’ve started going after Rob’s new girlfriend in an attempt to scare her away. Unfortunately, they’re not mailing her their tear-matted Twilight dolls with a note written in glitter blood that says 'RPATTZ IS TAKEN, TRY TAYLOR LAUTNER'. No, they’re much crazier than that; they’re being racist assholes on Twitter. Damn, these children need a time-out and no dessert for a week! Where are their mothers? ...Meanwhile, cut to all the pathetic RPattz fangirls furiously typing '@FKAtwigs you r unacceptable! you r the infection infecting my beautiful prince rpattz!!1!' while they crysturbate with their worn-out Twilight vibrators.

You know, I’m not one for retaliating to trolls and haters online, but FKA Twigs has a great opportunity here to troll the shit out of the trolls. All she has to do is start tweeting shit like 'Just smelled Rob’s hair – smells like an angel’s fart' or a pic of his armpit saying 'This is where I snuggle – u jealous?' and just sit back and watch the RPattz fangirls lose their damn minds. The best part is they won’t be able to troll back, because they’ll be too busy collecting the pieces of their brains after their heads explode from rage.

"And let us acknowledge for a moment the awful irony that, after decades of defending video games from accusations that they inspire school shootings, we now have a threatened school shooting explicitly inspired by games culture."
Eurogamer on death threats addressed to Anita Sarkeesian, resulting in the cancellation of a speaking engagement

"I've never really understood the almost crusader-like fervor that consoles attract. Most people would say it's because your mum is only prepared to buy you one console, and if it turns out you didn't pick the winner, the best thing to do is go into denial until the very fabric of reality spontaneously changes, because God knows that's more likely to happen than you admitting fault."
Zero Punctuation, "Mailbag Showdown"

"By the same logic used by the illogical dipshits commenting on YouTube, "Black and Yellow" can be about any one of these [Pittsburgh sports] teams note , or, it could be about a bee, Michael Keaton's Batman, a taxi, a tiger, fucking Pikachu! Just because a team purchases the rights to play the song in their stadium or arena or for promotional use, that doesn't make it about them. [...] [The song] is not about the Pittsburgh Steelers. [...] It's about cars, money, bitches, hoes, bling, smokin' weed, and haters."''
Adam Buckley responding to the fandom of Wiz Khalifa, Musical Autopsy: Wiz Khalifa - Black & Yellow

"The lesson behind this wall of text is: There are two kinds of people who read Warriors: People who like Warriors, and Warriors fans. If you happen to be the former, stay the hell away from any of the latter for the sake of your health."
—A troper, on the Unpleasable Fanbase of Warrior Cats.

"I'm glad you are willing to admit how horrible the characters are. I also thank you for showing how much of a hypocrite you are. I shall continue to hate this video and every FF XIII video in existence. When XIII Versus and XV come out, I'll be there to destroy those games and expose them for what they are too. If you don't like it, go find another series to defend. Because I am more of a fan than you shall ever be. Go cry in a corner now and get into a university, jack-ass."
YouTube user banglefaar (who now changed his username to "You don't know what you're talking about", his most favorite response to those who disagree with him) in a video comment

"Fanbases are like Paperclips - it doesn't take a whole lot of effort to bend them out of shape."
A Tweet.