Quotes: Fan Disservice

Film — Live-Action

"Alright, that's enough, Fat Bastard. As much as I like seeing Powers in agony (and I do), the thought of you naked is just gross."
Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me


Hsu: Besides, this is the gaming audience, the most supportive audience in the world. If worst comes to worst I just picture all of them in their underwear.
(Hsu walks up to the podium to give his speech)
Hsu: I—
Obese cosplayer in the audience: Wanna see our underwear?
Hsu: My mind has just died.


"I Am Curious (Yellow) is not merely not erotic. It is anti-erotic. Two hours of this movie will drive thoughts of sex out of your mind for weeks. See the picture and buy twin beds."

Video Games

Maurice: Hey, hey, hey! Watch your language! This is radio, we have regulations about that sort of thing!
Jan: But you let a naked man on.
Maurice: Eh, he's behind a screen. You can't see him; He's not that exciting. Imagine a flabby guy with a pony tail and a nasty rash. You'll get the picture.
Jan: Imagine one? I married one.
Pressing Issues, GTA Radio

Web Original

"This was actually the greatest accomplishment of Harding's career. Hospitals still use the Tonya Harding sex tape when they need to pump several stomachs at once."

"And for the record, can you tell me the exact moment in your life where it all went wrong? I just want to make sure I never get to the point where naked pics of Nic Cage give me the vapors."
Michael K., "Things That Should Not Exist Ever: Nicolas Cage Sex Pics"

"It eventually escalates to an eye-roller of a seduction scene that involves Vincent showing Mary how to make gnocchi, and if you enjoy that particular dish as I do, never watch this sequence."

"Louis Gossett is strutting around a table in way too tight Dockers shaking his ass back and forth like Shakira. And I looked. God help me, I looked. I knew I shouldn't have, but I did. How could I not? His ass was right in the middle of the screen swinging back and forth like I was watching some weird table dance by Reginald Veljohnson. Part of me will never return."

"The boobie prize has to go hands down to Mae West who at 77 years old was still playing the sex goddess who beds everyone. This is like when Tom Jones still thought he “had it” and released "Sex Bomb" as a single. No one bought it, and no one buys the Cryptkeeper-like West as some temptress. In fact the idea of her and Thomas Magnum getting it on makes me throw up a little in my mouth."
Miles Antwiler on Myra Breckinridge

"This week: Magneto fully embraces Casual Fridays on Asteroid M… maybe a little too casual."
Chris Sims on ''X-Men, "Sanctuary, Part 1"

"Oh my word. Watching a fake Deanna Troi seductively stroking Picard’s chest hair is not what I imagined I would see whilst eating my breakfast this morning."

"No, the true Wrestlemania moments can’t be manufactured; they have to occur organically. Moments like Maria Menounos’s spray-tan skid mark."

"Enter Ma Kent and Perry White and the shattering of Clark's mind.

Ma: I don't know why you need all these clothes; with my help you won't be wearing any.

Julian Finn on Smallville, "Hostage"

"With the possible exception of the original Star Trek, the franchise has never really figured out how to make “sexy” work...The result was pretty people pawing each other in creepy blue lighting."
Darren Mooney on Star Trek: Enterprise, "A Night in Sickbay"

"Editorial disliked the notion of Peter Parker having fathered children out of wedlock, but were just fine with the idea provided the father was changed to the nefarious Norman Osborn. Also, it resulted in the following artwork being drawn, and I’m sure you’ll agree the entire world would’ve been better off without it ever existing."

"Have you ever wanted to read a comic where Spider-Man’s kindly Aunt May and Uncle Ben just go at it over the course of one hot, horny summer? If you said yes, then thanks for reading [this article] Mark Millar, because you are the only one."

"At last, on February 22, 1999, the world's fate was sealed. A sight is witnessed on this date that is so disgusting that any human being who witnesses it would immediately lose any trace of sanity. Bess was seen naked."
N106, Bad Webcomics Wiki

Web Video

""Yes. Worse than "My Humps". The king has been dethroned. There was a time when I was blessedly ignorant about what to do with that big fat butt, but those days are over."
Todd in the Shadows on Jason Derulo's "Wiggle" ("Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2014")

"AWW! Aww, no— no. No fringe coming out of the butt. That's... (sigh) that's just unfortunate."

"YOU ARE A NIGHTMARE MADE FLESH! You have passed 'Coyote Ugly' and have entered into some Twilight Realm beyond! If a man woke up in bed with you, he would happily chew through his own neck! No no no no no, don't give me that, he would find a way!"
SFDebris on post-op transsexual Quark, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine ("Profit and Lace")

"Jesus Christ, this scene is like finding out Freddy Krueger is gonna be your urologist."

"Remember the good times of La-Mulana. The laughs, the cries, the experiences of a wonderful adventure game before it went freaking berserk and showed me wearing a skimpy swimsuit and I got made fun of by Duracuets. What a... what a lame thing to do."

"Never thought I'd say this, but...this scene involving a nude Kirsten Dunst being bathed by another woman is the least erotic thing I've ever seen."
Kyle Kallgren, on Melancholia note 

Real Life

"I don't do horror films."
James Garner, asked if he would ever shoot a nude scene

"The crew was convulsed with laughter, and they kept showing each other cigarette stubs and winking as they did so, as if to say that was the size of my skittle. Camera crews are renowned for their unkindness in these matters."
Tom Baker on the making of The Canterbury Tales (1972)

"I've always wanted to see Serge Lifar. Now I have. And it's all true..."

"What is true?"

"He is every bit as bad—no, dreadful—as I've always heard." Even I could tell that the flabby-buttocked man onstage was, if not bad, oddly repellant as he struck his poses. Year later, Nureyev said that when he was in charge of the Paris Opera Ballet, his most difficult task was to exorcise the malign ghost of Lifar."
Gore Vidal, Palimpsest

"You didn't have to drop your boxers just to show us that."
Lyra Heartstrings (Friendship Is Magic) in response to Nyx posting a pic of his hairy legs, Bronyism