Quotes / Excuse Plot

At that time, however, even the distributors were questioning whether gags were enough to sustain a whole film and they started asking for more story. Walt, the greatest of storytellers, reacted in a surprising way. "By the time you have a story really started," he said, "it is time to iris out (end the picture), and you have failed to make the audience laugh." Obviously, in Walt's mind, the first priority in any film was the laughter, and too much story quickly became tedious. He never forgot that point throughout his whole life, constantly shying away from projects that had more continuity than entertainment.
Frank Thomas and Ollie Johnston on Walt Disney's story methods, "Too Funny for Words: Disney's Greatest Sight Gags" pg. 20

The pitch for this movie must have been interesting. 'Okay, we have Vinnie Jones killing people with a gigantic meat tenderizer! Why? Who gives a sh*t! We’ll work that out as we go along.'
Miles Antwiler on The Midnight Meat Train

It's like being on a date with a beautiful woman and not caring that she has parsley stuck in her teeth.
The Cinema Snob on Suspira

Busey is an ex-cooler (a cooler is the guy called in when things get too hot for the bouncers— my god, I know too much about Road House) who wants the Black Pelican because it's "prime-ass real estate when it comes to the exciting world of drug running"... Apparently the bar is in some nexus of drug-running convenience, the right distance from Florida and Texas and within easy reach of those extensive swamp smuggling lanes. But once again, I don't see why these drug deals have to be made at a bar when they could be made much more easily at the pier or any other building. The only thing I can think of is that The Busey is a big fan of the music and their Bloomin' Onion appetizer.
Noah Antwiler on Road House 2

Wait—what? How did we go from, "I don't like that my sister is dating some wiener in a band," to, "I must fight that band for control of the area!" Are we in some post-Apocalyptic world where Orlando is divided into kingdoms run by ninjas and rock bands?"''

Oh please, don't try to have a plot now, movie. You're, like, an hour in.
The Nostalgia Critic on the sudden tonal shift in Cool as Ice

Kitty Pryde (Ellen Page) turns out to not be just good at walking through walls, but also capable of sending peoples' minds back in time, so they can warn of surprise attacks before they happen. Most minds can't handle more than a day or so, but when Wolverine points out that his mind can heal from anything, they decide to send him all the way back to 1973, the year the Sentinels made their big debut. Now, you may be asking, if the Sentinels were built in the '70s and they've been steadily evolving ever since, where exactly were they in the other movies...? Also, how did the world not know about mutants prior to Senator Kelly crusading against them in the '90s? If you are asking that question, and bothered by it, you may not enjoy the rest of the movie very much. It really comes down to "Do I like this cast and crew enough to forgive the huge plot holes?'

The movie is a mind-boggling gorefest; the whole setup is really just a thin excuse for an endless array of gruesome horrors... the alternative script for a logical Story of Ricky was two pages long, one of which consisted of the words 'Ricky goes to prison, then decides to leave.' The other was just a graphically detailed crayon drawing of a smashed brain.

Jack: I don't know if this can be said enough: We have no idea why dinosaurs are this world.
Jay: Other than the fact that they wanted to make a movie with dinosaurs in it.
Josh: They hint at that early on in the movie: They're about ready to "clone raccoons" and bring them back from extinction. Why would you do dinosaurs first?
Rich: Why would you not??
Josh: Because it's unpredictable, Rich. Bring raccoons back and see how that works.
Jay: I've seen Jurassic Park. Everything'll work out fine!

Mike: Admiral Robocop, he got worried because Romulans from the future blew up Vulcan and blew up all the Starfleet ships. So he says, "We need to have a militarized Starfleet." But politically, that's not gonna fly, so, uh, because of that, Starfleet ships were looking around the galaxy(?).
Jay: It's one of those things they explain in one line. Like, "eh, so we went searching for things."
Mike: Yes. And so, they found Khan floating on a ship... They wake up Khan and say, "Khan, you are a smart super-man. I guess you also know how to build an incredibly-advanced starship."
Rich: "Because, y'know, with your knowledge of technology that's 300 years old, I can't think of a more perfect person to build a modern day super-ship."

Jennifer O’Neill is getting the HSOTD badge of honor (More like dishonor– Jennifer O’Neill, 2015), because she starred in this mess of a show from 1984 called Cover Up. It lasted only one season. I wish I would’ve seen this, because it sounds like a slow-moving train wreck. Jennifer played a fashion photographer who learns that her dead husband was a CIA agent. She really wants to find her husband’s killer and gets a former Special Forces Operator to help her. For some reason, the director of the CIA gives Jennifer’s character her husband’s old job. MESS!
Michael K., Hot Slut of the Day - Jennifer O'Neill

So Torchwood. Series four. Ideas. Went for a walk round LA. Dying for a smoke! But not allowed. Hmmph. Everyone's so health conscious here. Cancer. huh!

WAIT! I've got it! Captain Jack, lovely Johnny Barrowman, can't die. (Jack that is, not JB unfortunately!) We've established that for three series. But what if... oh what if? A twist! Now NOBODY CAN DIE! Brilliant!

But why? How? Oh I don't know we'll make something up. Something about morphic fields. (What are they? I don't know. It doesn't matter).

So lots of old grannies having to be looked after who refuse to just shuffle off. And lots of walking wounded prosthetics (what is the fx budget?) It's horrendous. HORRENDOUS!

But wait...what if then. Then...We kill off a major character? Oh not a real one like Gwen or Lovely Johnny. No we'll make one up and then, having established no-one can die. They Die! Horribly. Brilliant. But how? I don't know can we incinerate them? In a big oven. Too gruesome? I don't know. But it's brilliant I tell you. BRILLIANT! We can get lovely Janey Espenson to write that episode. She'll make it funny and tragic and oh so heart-breaking all at the same time.

That's it. Enough ideas. I'm going out for more fags. (Cigarettes whoops! must remember I'm in LA. How could I forget? Torchwood! In LA. Brilliant!)
TARDIS Eruditorum (to be read in your best Russell T Davies voice)

"Once upon a time there were three people named Ar, Gee, and Bee. They lived happily together and agreed this game should be devoid of any meaningful long-term narrative."

"Wait, what? What do you mean there's lore in this game? You guys actually paid someone to write a story about Raynor meeting Diablo? Isn't this precisely what fan-fiction is for? I didn't approve any of this!"

"The other side is the enemy. You've been hired to shoot their asses off."

"Let's face it. Nobody is going to Bolero for the plot anyway. They're going for the Good Parts. There are two Good Parts, not counting her naked ride on horseback, which was the only scene in the movie that had me wondering how she did it. The real future of Bolero is in home cassette rentals, where your fast forward and instant replay controls will supply the editing job the movie so desperately needs."