Quotes / Evil Matriarch


"She is a lady indeed, although my limited experience of her suggests that she is also a mixture of the warrior queen Boadicea without the chariot, Catherine de' Medici without the poisoned rings, and Attila the Hun without his wonderful sense of fun. Do not play cards with her, because she cheats like a Mississippi bustout dealer, keep sherry away from her, do everything she says, and we might all live."
Terry Pratchett, Nation

You're evil, Ma.
Nathan Petrelli, Heroes

Fate: I am your daughter!
Precia: (laughs) So what? You expect me to think of you as my daughter now?

Hawke: (on Morrigan) I'm not sure whether she's your daughter or your enemy.
Flemeth: Neither is she.
Hawke learns that not all apostate families are as loving as theirs, Dragon Age II

A woman can be a powerful force, like my mother... Or a destructive one. Like my mother.
Captain de Santa, Red Dead Redemption

Berengaria: I don't understand it, Pepin. You always seem to expect some affection from me.
Berengaria: Quite why you feel that my being your mother should earn you a place in my heart is beyond me. You made my belly swell up for nine long months and you ruined my figure forever! At best I should find the inconvenience of your birth rather irritating.
Pepin: I'm sorry.
Berengaria: And at worst, your constant apologizing aggravates my gout!

Real Life

Martha Kent, for me, has always been the moral backbone for Superman. She's the one who anchors him to humanity and instils the moral code that results in him fighting his never ending battle. This is definitely not that.

Usually Momma focuses on Momma as an overbearing, controlling monster who insists on being negative about every aspect of her children’s’ lives, and to my mind, the strip doesn’t spend enough time exploring another aspect of her personality: her bottomless greed....Momma also just straight up wants money, and since she’s old and unemployable and presumably living on some combination of Social Security and her late husband’s meager pension, her only hope of accessing money comes from her children. I mean, look at this! She’s literally sitting in a boat full of money with dollar signs floating over her head sailing towards what appears to be a gold-plated mansion and she’s never been happier in her life. It’s like she’s in a rap video, for pete’s sake.

As Bobby was dying in Los Angeles, a sister rang their mother to report on his condition. Rose's response was swift: 'Now, Teddy must run.' For crude Rose, this world is just a staging area for that great touch-football field in the sky, where all the lads will be reunited forever. Although, according to the strict ground rules of Rose's faith, if father Joe was going to be in on the game, the playing field would have to be located somewhere below rather than above.
Gore Vidal on the Kennedy clan

I began to lift out three or four large cans of paint from the backseat, which was also crammed with ten newly-sharped hoes I had collected. 'Never mind the paint! There's clearing up to do first!' screeched the old witch. 'It's time for real work again!' ...I reached the bundle, and fell out the back of the car, and drawing one hoe, I took aim at the screeching old bitch and hurled it straight toward her face. But old she-devils don't die that easy. She ducked and turned to look where the hoe had landed, and scurried to pick it up and defend herself. 'Who bought that shirt you're wearing?!' she wailed as she stooped to pick up the hoe—and as she did so, she ripped off a tremendous fart. That should have eased the tension and perhaps saved my mind, too. But no. She straightened up and, turning towards me, she said, 'You're common and disgusting, too!' As if it was me who'd farted! That did it. Hoe after hoe flew towards her. I was utterly frantic, but not one got to her. She ducked and weaved and skipped and pantied, and all the while shrieking, 'Take that shirt off, you kept man! Kept man!' And like a banshee, I ran screaming across the field to where I lived about a mile away.
Tom Baker on his mother-in-law, Who On Earth is Tom Baker?

You know her as the Tiger Mother, of course. Chua, who wrote an entire book about being the world's strictest mother and did nothing to counter the shallow stereotype that Chinese parents are as emotionally accessible as a pair of boulders, existed this year specifically so that parents could read her book and say, "Fuck that lady. And fuck China." Listen, Amy Chua. Just because you spent hours every night pushing the violin on your daughter doesn't make me the asshole. If anything, I'm gonna be an even lazier parent thanks to you.
Drew Magary, "The 25 Least Influential People of 2011"

If you told PMK that E! will give her family another spin-off show if she 69ed with Lucifer, she’d shrug and tell you that she’s been there, done that, but she’ll gladly do it again. If you promised PMK everlasting wealth and fame if she sold her entire family into the hands of the head of an underground sex slavery ring, she’d grab a price label gun and immediately shoot a $3.00 tag onto Khloe’s forehead.

Kate’s latest contribution to the You’re Still Here? files is a cookbook titled 'Kate Gosselin’s Love Is in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories'. Recipes include 'Stewed Jon Balls', 'Slow Cooked Children’s Spirit Smothered In Crushed Dreams' and 'Sugar Cookies Everyone In Group Therapy Is Going To Love'... It must have been a busy weekend at the Gosselin household with Kate standing behind the kids, smacking a ruler on her hand and screaming, 'NO. NEGATIVE. REVIEWS. EVER!!!' while they each type from a script.
DListed, "Someone Needs To Tell Kate Gosselin To Stop"