Quotes / Eight Deadly Words

Web Animation

Poor old 343 Industries, they tried so hard to make Halo 5 interesting.
They played at Master Chief being hunted for crimes, and then his crime was, like, one notch below an unpaid parking ticket.
They bring Cortana back to life, and that had all the impact of finding a rotting Malteser under a beanbag chair.
There's only so much you can do with the material, I suppose. It's like trying to paint a masterpiece with used bathwater on a canvas of dryer lint. In a house made of bog roll.
In Swindon.
Zero Punctuation on Halo 5: Guardians, "Top 5 of 2015"

Web Original

And there you have the biggest fault of the movie. We now know the events of the first movie were to determine who gets to go back to Zeist. What a nice prize. Zeist looks like a dustball, and it's ruled by a dictator to boot. It's populated by idiots. All that scope and majesty was for a ticket to Zeist? This is a tremendous comedown. The first movie gave the impression of a battle of cosmic consequences. Now it looks like a battle to see who will win the crown of Miss Teen Dayton, Ohio. Who gives a toss?

Matt: The plot of this movie is nonsense, but the bigger sin it commits is that I don’t even care that it’s nonsense... When I was 10, I hated this movie because it was boring. 20 years later, it’s still boring. The turtles are idiots. There’s no real threat. And the villains are a stock feudal lord and a sort-of pirate guy/profiteer. They don’t do anything interesting or have any personality to speak of. They’re just there.
Chris: They’re not even that bad! The worst thing Walker does is jack up the price on his guns, so he’s more of a scummy businessman than a supervillain.
—Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

They're automatons who smile or scowl until they happen to deliver dialogue... in fact, I'm not even sure Edward is really exists in this movie—instead, he's just sort of lingering around like a bad fart while Jacob takes care of his kid.

While watching a Kurtzman/Orci film, one has no emotional investment in anything occurring onscreen. Things happen for two hours, and sometimes quite loud things happen, and then they stop happening and everyone goes home.

Ten minutes. That was literally the moment where I said 'Oh no.'...it encapsulates perfectly how the rest of the movie is going to fail. It is a scene where (Woody) Allen and (Helen) Hunt are in a restaurant trying to establish their work relationship... You watch this scene play out and you are painfully aware of the disconnect between what should be there and what actually is there. You should see two sexy actors who are exchanging pithy barbs at one another and who are trying their best to conceal their attraction to one another. What we get is a pervy old man and a shrill secretary bicker and bicker and bicker and bicker until the scene mercifully ends. But it doesn’t end, because you still have the rest of the movie to go.

You really wouldn’t want to go traveling with this bunch of whiners would you? They remind me of a family fighting over the bathroom first thing in the more, except this is all the time and about everything.
Joe Ford on Doctor Who, "The Visitation"

The problem is that the show has yet to find its emotional core. There is no real reason to care about any of these wacky computer shenanigans, because the stakes are not particularly high and there is no emotional investment...In fact, it is worth comparing those three characters (and their actors) to the archetypal nerds that would come to populate Chuck Lorre’s The Big Bang Theory. The three characters at the heart of The Lone Gunmen would be unlikely to hold down a network show today, let alone at the turn of the millennium.

I don't like the characters. Any of them. I don't agree with any of them. This alone makes it hard for me to watch. But the characterization is so superb, every minute is so relative to the forward character motion of all involved, it's hard to look away...Unfortunately, Smallville's characters are largely, barring Chloe and sometimes Clark and Martha, reprehensible without any kind of consistent character, even Lex.
Neal Bailey on The Sopranos

Despite so much effort to control narrative pacing, most of the characters ultimately are treated as so much set dressing, and paired with some of the dialogue being outright forgettable when it's not being uncomfortable, we are presented with a world wherein the player is genuinely hard-pressed to care.
The Lolcow Wiki on Revolution 60

The entire rest of the time, I kept thinking "Maybe I should do something else. Get some work done, go outside." No! That is the worst possible reaction a game should evoke from its players. It's better to have players pissed off at your game than to have them completely uninvested[...]Except for that Russian, none of the characters really seemed to give a shit about anything, and in turn the game doesn't make me care about anything. You can have big gameplay flaws, bad writing, but if the game really cares about it, that can be enough to carry you through. That didn't happen here. Bland, disinteresting characters and voice acting, combined with a story that the game itself doesn't seem to care about, is just death. They should have made the Nazis more brutal. I mean, they were. Make the Resistance sound like their lives are all on the line. You have to, at least, pretend your game is awesome. After all, if the game doesn't care about what's happening, why should the players?[...]Soulless. Not enough people on the development team gave a shit about this game, and it shows.
Ross Scott on Wolfenstein (2009)

See? This shit is why I’ve long since stopped watching the Pokémon anime. Because it became increasingly clear that it will never end and Ash will never achieve his goal. So why should I get invested in his journey when I know it will end in failure?
Know Your Meme user Ryumaru Borike on the controversial ending of Ash Ketchum's battle against Alian in the Kalos League

Kyle Kallgren regarding Ken Park, Brows Held High

Web Video

It's not like they don't like Roman Reigns. It's that they don't care. And that's the worst part. One way or another, you get an emotion, you know? Getting hated is fine. Getting loved is fantastic. It's when they don't care that you're in trouble...They would probably very much approve of Brock Lesnar killing Roman Reigns and leaving with the WWE title! Because for one, FUCK Roman Reigns (in their opinion), and two, fuck the WWE! Because every time they have him in the ring with Paul Heyman talking about leaving the company, they CHEER! I don't think that's what they're going for here.
Noah Antwiler on Road to Wrestlemania 2015

Towards the end of this movie, they are asking you to care about Earth. People are in peril because something terrible is happening with Doctor Doom. You're supposed to care, it's supposed to be the moment of truth, in which everyone comes together and you're like, "Yeah! Fantastic Four! All RIGHT!", but you don't care because the movie doesn't take the time to set up this world. You don't give a shit about anything that's happening. As far as I'm concerned, Doctor Doom succeeding in what he's trying to do would have been a more interesting movie than the one that we actually got!

There's a certain Moral Event Horizon that unlikely heroes have. They need to have bad qualities in order to be considered an unlikely hero, but if they go too far, then you lose your audience and you're stuck with an unlikable asshole for your protagonist. Whipping up your man-chowder over a comatose girl in a hospital bed is not the mark of an unlikely hero. That's the mark of a repressed douchebag.
Bennett the Sage on Shinji Ikari of Neon Genesis Evangelion: End Of Evangelion