We are the Moai statues, And we stand on Easter Isle No one's sure what our purpose is, But we've been here a long, long while! We're all around the island, Facing out at the ocean blue It's not a very exciting job, But we sure do like the view!
We come in many sizes, Forty feet tall are the biggest ones And we're pretty hefty, Even our hats weigh ten tons! There are many theories of our origin, And the folks who made our poses But no one really knows why they gave us Great big honkin' noses!
We were carved in a crater called Raraku, Over fourteen miles away But how we got from there to here, No one can really say! Some say we were moved by native folks, Though they had no wheels or mules And how'd they make us look so pretty Without Sears power tools?
Well that's our story and we certainly hope That we've made it clear Don't believe most of what you read about us, And only half of what you hear! 'Cause there are lots of crackpots out there With tons of theories they're selling But we're the only ones who know the truth, And buddy, we're not telling!
—The Moai Statues themselves in an Easter Island song (sung to the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme) in the Histeria! episode "Really Really Oldies But Goodies"
"These dudes were carved so long ago, nobody knows why anymore. Ten bucks says it started as a dare."