"It needs more funny, and less make-me-angry."
—Kaff Tagon, Schlock Mercenary
"You can laugh of everything, but not with everybody"
Laugh and laugh 'til all the chameleons turn black
Laugh and laugh 'til you're told 'Please don't come back'
—The Tragically Hip, "World Container"
Hilda: Hhhh. Dios Mio. They’re murdering crossword-makers now. Amy, do the police have any leads?
Amy: They say it was a random junkie mugger. I almost believe them, but the timing, Hilda… you know what he was working on…
Hilda: Rely on this, Amy. You were right to call me. There is a pattern at work here…(puts on her glasses) and ours is the pen to fill it.
Marc: Har! YEAHHHHH!
Di: Ahhmmm, this is a murder scene.
Marc: I though you were doing a CSI: Miami riff. You know, with the pun. And the glasses.
Di: That still wouldn’t make it okay.
Marc: I’m a little tired…
"Did somebody just boo me because I implied Heath Ledger was dead?"
"You've gone entirely too far! Comedy is comedy, but this, this is... Monstrous!"
—Philo Pennysworth (a chicken) on making an episode on Colonel Sanders.
"And half the jokes don't make sense! There's this scene where the woman...I think this girl's doing something like chewing gum. I don't know what she's doing, but, uh...not really misbehaving but uh...the woman sees it as misbehaving, so she grabs the girl by her pigtails, swings her around and tosses her! I'm like...WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!?"
Wow. That’s offensive and unfunny. It’s like a female Jeff Dunham.
"That wasn't funny, SpongeBob! You had us all worried sick!"
—Sandy Cheeks after SpongeBob faked his death
"For every Asian and every human being, we apologize for that scene"
—Mike Nelson after the seance scene in The Wild World of Batwoman
"It's nice to know I went too far and there's a room full of people saying, 'Yes, you did.'"
"This is why a lot of people didn't like Andy Kaufman — he was often way too committed to the bit. Once people can't tell if it's a joke or serious, then they have to ponder whether they're actually about to get murdered, and I can assure you, if you've never feared for your own life before, it's barely chuckleworthy."
"So I had read before about Scott Adams’ various comments that had got him in hot water over the past few years and had people calling him a misogynist... It’s all sort of the Orson Scott Card school of saying something horrible, and then going, What? Why are people being mean to me? Adams explains that people have low reading comprehension and just don’t understand what it was that he said. Except, he said exactly what it is that people think he said, they just don’t appreciate what a hilarious genius he is, obviously."
"That's not funny, that's not funny, THAT'S NOT FUNNY! NOT FUNNY!"
—The Nostalgia Critic while punching his camera during one of his reviews.