Quotes / Dude, Not Funny!

Fiction

Laugh and laugh 'til all the chameleons turn black
Laugh and laugh 'til you're told 'Please don't come back'
The Tragically Hip, "World Container"

Marc: YEAHHHHH!
(Beat)
Di: Ahhmmm, this is a murder scene.
Marc: I though you were doing a CSI: Miami riff. You know, with the pun. And the glasses.
Di: That still wouldn’t make it okay.
Fans!, ”Crossover”, chapter 1.

"You've gone entirely too far! Comedy is comedy, but this, this is... Monstrous!"
Philo Pennysworth (a chicken) on making an episode on Colonel Sanders.

"It needs more funny, and less make-me-angry."
Kaff Tagon, Schlock Mercenary

When you laugh about people who feel so very lonely
Their only desire is to die
Well, I'm afraid
It doesn't make me smile
The Smiths, "That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore"

Darkstalker: You could always kill her [Glory]. I'm kidding. Ha ha, evil nightmare dragon, right?
Moon: That's not funny.
Darkstalker: Too Soon?
Wings of Fire: Moon Rising

Stewie Griffin: Oh, my God, that's [a Prank Call] amazing! That's the coolest thing ever! Hey, I wanna try!
Bart Simpson: OK! *hands him the phone and dials it*
Moe Syzlak: Moe's Tavern.
Stewie: Hello, Moe? Your sister's being raped. *hangs up* Is that... is that one?
Bart: ...
The Simpsons Guy

Miles Finch: Hey, jackweed, I get more action in a week than you've had in your entire life. I've got houses in L.A., Paris and Vail. In each one of them, a 70 inch plasma screen. So I suggest you wipe that stupid smile off your face before I come over there and SMACK it off! You feeling strong, my friend? Call me elf one more time.
Buddy: (Beat) He's an angry elf. (Miles attacks him)
Elf

Mark: "I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys. One of 'em found out about it, beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street."
Johnny: "A ha ha ha."
NC: "Ha ha ha ha, that's not funny you sick fuck."

Improv Guy: So, first, we need a historical event. Who's got an event?
Ted: 9/11!
Improv Guy: Okay. Okay, uh, maybe something else. Alright, let's start with a person.
Improv Guy: Okay, alright, for real, guys! For real! Who's got a person?
Improv Guy: Alright, we've heard from these guys. Uh, let's see if we can give somebody else over here a chance. Um, how about a location? let's go with a location.
Ted: The offices of Charlie Hebdot!
Improv Guy: Okay, seriously, sir! Uh, I just need a location!
John: Ferguson, Missouri!
Ted: Germanwings' cockpit!
Improv Guy: Okay, I heard "Starbucks"!
Ted: No, you didn't!
John: Nobody said Starbucks!
Improv Guy: Alright, Starbucks. Okay, now, who's in the Starbucks?
Ted: Bill Cosby!
Improv Guy: You people are monsters!
John: Oh, we're giving you the tools, buddy! Come on, make some fucking comedy!
Ted 2

Real Life

"You can laugh of everything, but not with everybody."
Pierre Desproges

"Freedom does not mean license."
Erich Fromm

"Once, in a break, I told him I'd thought of a funny line about someone but I was afraid it might be too sharp. He drummed on his desk with a long pencil and frowned: "If you ever have the slightest doubt about a line don't say it." The best advice."
Gore Vidal on Johnny Carson, Point to Point Navigation

"It's nice to know I went too far and there's a room full of people saying, "Yes, you did.""

"Mike [Wilson] brought me that bitch ad and I thought it was funny. I told Mike people might take it the wrong way, but he just said, 'Don't be a pussy!'"
John Romero on his immortal Daikatana advertisements

Sometimes I think God hates me, but then I remember it's probably because I do strips like this one.
Hard, author of Sexy Losers

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Quotes/DudeNotFunny