Quotes: Double Entendre

This girl walks into a bar and orders a Double Entendre. So the Bartender gives it to her!

If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Benny Hill, Groucho Marx, John Cleese, Black Mage''', and many others

I put the 'in-you' in innuendo.
Gary Dendthwidth, The Physics of Giving

Hey, I'd like visit Keira! Nightly, in fact!
Kevin Murphy, RiffTrax of Pirates of the Caribbean

What red-blooded American male wouldn't want to dock his canoe in Natalie's port, man? (rimshot)

Hinjo: There's not even anyone aboard yet... What's going on here?
Lien: This was Lord Shojo's personal pleasure yacht, though I suppose it belongs to you now. This is your junk.
Hinjo: But why aren't there any citizens aboard it yet?
Lien: Your uncle was a very private person, sir. He forbade anyone from touching his junk.
Hinjo: Well, that ends now. My uncle may have kept his junk to himself, but my junk will be for the people! Are there still evacuees waiting to board a ship?
Lien: Oh, yes, sir. I imagine I'll have no trouble finding people willing to get aboard your junk. It should be able to hold many passengers.
Hinjo: I agree, my junk appears to be quite long...
Roy: Wider than I would have expected, too.
Hinjo: Very well. Lien, you hold my junk here until it is fully loaded.
Lien: That could take some time, Lord Hinjo...
Hinjo: I don't care how long it takes. I don't want my junk to launch prematurely. Now, did you deliver that package for me?
Soldier: Yes, sir. I handled your package personally.
Hinjo: Outstanding.
The Order of the Stick #418, "It's a Type of Boat"

Angus: Busy night, eh?
Hannelore: Yes, very!
Angus: It sure sounded like you were enjoying yourselves.
Hannelore: Oh no, did we keep you up? I tried to be quiet!
Angus: It's cool. It's hard to be quiet when you're that excited.
Hannelore: At first I wasn't really sure what was going on, but Marigold explained everything as we went along, and then I just go carried away, you know?
Angus: I'm impressed you were able to keep up with her all night like that.
Hannelore: Heheh, I'm sorta regretting it now. My butt is all sore!
Angus: No! Don't say it! You'll break the spell!
Hannelore: (to Marigold) My favorite part was when you took on those four guys at once! And then that giant dog!
Questionable Content #1702, after Hanners watched Marigold play World of Warcraft all night

"Are you ready to contend with what's in my pants?"
"After I play Buster Brothers I'm gonna bust a nut!"
"I'll show you why they call me Big Dong Donkey Kong."
"Look in my pants and I'll show you why they call it the Playstation."
"I'll show something that's Weltall."
— Some of the videogame-related double entendres made by Diabetus for their Flights Of Fantasy Retsupuraes

I think the movie has reached its climax!

Nothing less than seven inches. That's my motto.

Mama needs her cough medicine. And make it a double, Antandra.
Jackie Washington, Jackie's Back!

I'd like to double her entendre!

In your endo!

Ann Romano: Damn it, Schneider! I asked you to fix that damn sink two days ago!
Schneider: Oh, I'll fix your sink, Ms. Romano. And by that I mean I'll have sex with you. And by have sex with you, I mean I'll fix your sink. And by "sink," I mean your reproductive organ. And by "reproductive organ", I mean the thing between your knees. And by "the thing between your knees", I...well, I guess that one's kind of self-explanatory.
Family Guy, "The Son Also Draws"

Let me blow you - away!
You won't believe your eyes and ears today!
You are in for a surprise
When you look into my eyes
You won't be able to deny my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaze!
Sarge: Wait a minute, Donut, your what?
Donut: Come on, Sarge! You can't deny my deep, penetrating, eye contact! My gaze! What did you think I said?
Sarge: Uh, don't ask.
Donut: Don't tell!
Let me blow you... away!
There is nothing that I will not do or say
To attain a right companion
In this hot and sweaty canyon
Like a stallion I am bursting through the gaaaaaaaaaaaate!
Simmons: A what?
Donut: You know, a stallion, a stud, a horse with a big-
Simmons: Don't say it.
Donut: Saddle! Now, who wants to mount up?
Simmons: Oh God...

Brock: I'll take care of this. This has been a long time coming. Me and her got to get something straight between us. (leaves)
Harvey Copies: We know what you've been up to Elliott — or should I say "The Deadly Duplicator"? Your reproductive days are over!
Judge: (twirling golfclub) Deedle-eedle-ee!

Even you won't be able to beat off this magnificent schlong.
The Terminal Guardian ("Intuitive Man" disguise), Shin Megami Tensei IV, as he summons Mara

"While I love beautiful women admiring my balls and touching my staff..."