Quotes: Dethroning Moment of Suck

"I don't think it's any coincidence that the Star Wars Holiday Special aired one day before the Jonestown mass suicide. Did you think there wouldn't be consequences, Bea Arthur?!"

Mike: This is... this is... this is the worst thing ever. It's so illogical, so cartoony, so...
Jay: Yeah, I remember the cartoon making more sense than this.
Half in the Bag riffs the Ghostbusters II Statue of Liberty sequence

"Remember that scene in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace when Qui-Gon sat Anakin down and told him about the intelligent midi-chlorian symbionts that live in everybody’s cells and were the physiological basis for the Force? And remember the strange heavy, cold feeling in your gut as the movie layered all that unnecessary pseudo-biological nonsense on top of something that had once seemed mysterious, magical, and fun? Well, that feeling was your enteric nervous system."

"George Lucas galloped into the 1980s on a stallion made of diamonds and the tears of lesser men. After pummeling into submission everyone who ever told him his ideas were "terrible" and "unprofitable," Lucas had Hollywood literally holding its breath to see what he would come up with next. What new gilded nugget of merchandisable inspiration would erupt from his bearded skull like an oblong T-shirt cannon?... Studio heads were prepared to battle each other on nitro cycles in Thunderdome just to see what Lucas was going to bring to the table. And Howard the Duck was what he came up with."

"I figure Unbreakable was probably written before the crazy hype took over, because that’s at least on a par, if not better than Sixth Sense, but his third film, Signs, is the first time you spot those little warnings. Like the braying donkey laugh of a new girlfriend, you realise that pretty soon, we’re going to have a problem... It’s a movie clearly written from the ending backwards, with Night obviously thinking about all the breadcrumb trails he’s going to leave."

"The fans’ love-hate relationship with the Shat is a complex and beautiful thing, but embedded deep inside it, like a festering cyst, is the grudge we bear against him for foisting upon us the strangely bastardized take on the Star Trek ethos known as The Final Frontier. That Captain Kirk himself was responsible for risking the relapse of Star Trek from serious sci-fi back into the joke it had been in the early ‘70s seemed like an especially galling form of betrayal."

"What the fuck? Turning Q into a lovesick jock who has decided he wants to part the waters of the Red Sea otherwise known as Kathryn Janeway? If that wasn’t bad enough then along comes his missus to turn this into some horrendous American sitcom. Compiling that you have scenes of the Voyager crew actually entering the Q continuum in some embarrassingly staged metaphorical fight scenes. It's not just that the dialogue is crass and uninteresting or that Q has been poisoned as a character or that the pace of this piece could be the cure for insomnia or that the continuum is no longer a place of mystery and possibilities... it's all of these things and more. This is one of the worst ever Trek episodes because it treats its audience as absolute morons, it thinks we are all continuity obsessed inbreds who will take sloppy romantic sputum over an intelligently written comedy. Once upon a time Q featured in knockout comedies such as Deja Q and Tapestry but his day is clearly over – this is his worst appearance by some margin and it is irritating as hell to watch."
Doc Oho on Star Trek: Voyager, "The Q And the Grey"

"You know that opening remark of Archer's? 'Starfleet didn't send us out here to make fools of ourselves'? I never figured that line was meant to establish the theme for the episode!"

"If you were to show someone a selection of this, Warriors of the Deep, The Horns of Nimon, Mark of the Rani, and The Monster of Peladon and ask them to pick the worst of them I don’t think you’d see this one picked in particular excess to the others. There are actually moments of it that border on the compelling. I mean, this is praising with faint damnation, but it’s still worth noting that, taken on its own and out of context, and judged purely on its storytelling merits, this is merely among the worst stories ever made... what this story does is doom Colin Baker’s tenure as the Doctor and, in doing so, ensure the show’s cancellation. In this regard it is the single story most destructive to Doctor Who. Never mind Michael Foot. At 100 minutes, this is the longest suicide note in history."
Phil Sandifer on Doctor Who ("The Twin Dilemma")

"Some mistakes only seem obvious in hindsight. Some errors are easy to judge with the weight of experience and history behind you. Some calls are easy to dismiss and ridicule retroactively, completely divorced from the context in which they were made.

Of course, some mistakes should have been blindingly obvious when they were made in the first place.

Go on, guess which one The Twin Dilemma was."
Darren Mooney on Doctor Who, "The Twin Dilemma"

"Oh, it has flashes of a certain wacky charm, with the new Doctor all over the place in a state of fluctuating stability—it’s like he’s gripped by the pon farr... but in the end, between the hermaphrodite slugs and the dubious science and the most ungenius-like genius kids in the history of television, The Twin Dilemma deserves its place as the 'worst' (or at least most unloved) serial in the storied history of the entire series. And coming directly after The Caves of Androzani, roundly considered among the show’s best, the comparison is stark and sad indeed."

"I wasn't just angry that I'd wasted time and money on a bad flick. I felt betrayed. They had taken a premise with plenty of potential, and quite simply ruined it in every conceivable way. This is also the first movie screening where the audience I was with became openly hostile. It's not that I haven't seen bad movies in the theater before. Up until then, I'd always been in with audiences that had a percentage of people who liked the movie... Or, if the majority did think the movie was bad, they just communicated their disappointment by silently shuffling out of the theater like pallbearers. My Highlander II audience, though, was actively disliking the movie. During the love scene, people were groaning and shouting derisive remarks. And when the credits rolled, they didn't just boo, there was a collective growl. I could see the ushers quickly excusing themselves for an extended cigarette break, far, far away from here."

"People are quick to point out Jack as being the point where Coppola began to lose his freaking mind but either they forgot or don’t know he made this boring pile of trash. This movie is like a tenth rate Godfather mixed with a dull romance... With Supernova, Jack, and now Cotton Club you have to ask: why did we ever hire this clown? Oh that’s right, Godfather, Godfather Part II, The Conversation, and Apocalypse Now. Fuck."
Miles Antwiler on The Cotton Club (1984)

"I'm from the old-school clan who still refers to Joe Michael Straczynski as 'God Himself' and will utter 'praised be His name' whenever even his initials are mentioned. You don't even know the schism that occurred recently within the ranks of his own fans, when most of them in a stunning display of disloyalty jumped off the bandwagon after his notorious run writing The Amazing Spider-Man comics. Damn cowards. Fifteen years of staunch faithfulness and all of a sudden they turn on JMS (praised be His name) because they don't like Peter Parker having bone spurs and organic web-shooters. Cry me a dang river!

All right, the bone spurs were pretty stupid."
Noah Antwiler on Babylon 5: The Lost Tales

"The reason the storyline is so hard to swallow isn’t just because it’s insane – comic readers like insane – it’s because it seemed genuinely demented. JMS was a creator most readers had learned to trust from a young age. His stints on He-Man and the Masters of the Universe and The Real Ghostbusters, followed by his work on Babylon 5, Rising Stars and his first year on Spidey were relatively beloved.

Now fans can’t pick up a copy of
Thor or The Brave and the Bold without the looming feeling that it could blow up in their hands. It’s the Roman Candle effect — totally fun until you’re being treated for facial burns. To be fair, JMS didn’t dig the story either and wanted it stricken from the record after all was said and done... Sins Past and Sins Remembered are some of the worst comics by talented creators – Spider-Man or otherwise – that fans have ever had to endure. The upside? Knowing it probably can’t ever get any worse. Or can it?"

"You remember in Space Jam where aliens secretly stole the talent from NBA stars and suddenly those players completely sucked? I can only assume something similar happened to Eminem in 2004 because I can't come up with a single better explanation for what happened to Slim. The song was called "Just Lose It", and Eminem just lost it! All of a sudden, Eminem had become everything his critics always said he was—witless, unfunny, obnoxious, and trying too hard to shock."
Todd in the Shadows: "Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2004".

"[T]he Terry Richardson-directed video for Lady Gaga and R. Kelly's song 'Do What You Want' was filmed and not released, presumably because of its idiotically tone-deaf content inspired by an idiotically tone-deaf song... we see Kelly playing Gaga's doctor, reaching under a sheet that covers her naked body on an operating table. 'How does that feel?' he says. 'Seems like that medicine is starting to kick in.' Gaga responds with a dramatic sexual moan as she passes out. Stereotypically sexy nurses begin to party on top of her and around them, using her body like a prop. The last moments are of Gaga writhing on fake papers with headlines like, 'GAGA BARES ALL' as Richardson takes photos of her.

Good thing no one ever saw this video."

"January, 2000. SquareSoft is in the same place as Al Pacino in the second half of the movie Scarface... "The world is yours," proclaimed Square's legions of new fans. "Push it to the limit," sang Sony, who couldn't help noticing people were buying their Playstation machine just to play Square's games.

So now Square was sitting in its penthouse suite, with more success and money than it knew what to do with; delirious with power, ambition, and the mountains of cocaine it had lying around. But despite its ongoing success, Square somehow couldn't help feeling discontent. The new sequels to its classic games, while popular, somehow lacked that special spark that the original titles
[had]. Its older fans were becoming alienated: this wasn't the Square they fell in love with. "Who needs you?" Square shot back. We're selling millions of games! We have more than enough new fans to replace you! Go play Kartia or Grandia or some shit, if you think it'll make you happy — but it won't. Fine! Leave! You'll be back!"

Meanwhile, the forces Square invoked through its own hubris — which, in this case, would be
The Spirits Within — were already set to destroy it."

"Taking photos of a machine does not fulfill anyone’s fantasies, and neither does spraying little bombs with water; not to mention fighting a boss who can’t even be hurt, or leading a dainty little girl around by the hand. Remember that officially, there are no clever reasons for putting us through such unflattering experiences: we’re just supposed to enjoy them without a trace of irony... Special mention must be made of the part requiring us to run around naked while being told to turn off the game. It shows a sense of humor, but it also becomes extremely irritating if you’re playing on a higher difficulty. Hearing the CODEC ring infinitely — with pure jibberish to listen to if you answer — is a maddening experience, and it seems intentionally so. I love a good challenge, but this is more of a psychological endurance test. What are we supposed to be feeling during these missions, anyway? Did anyone stop to question the absurd fight against Fatman the rollerblading bomber? We went from fighting FOXHOUND — the most awesome special forces unit in the history of entertainment — to this group of clowns."

"If they replaced this entire episode with 45 minutes of someone flipping off the audience, you'd never notice the difference."

"This was my hot button with this movie. Okay, this is when I said 'This film is SICK! This is a disgusting, sick, despicable movie!'"
Doug Walker on the discussion about abortion in Twilight: Breaking Dawn, part 1

"Is anyone surprised the show was cancelled after this episode?"
Chris "Rowdy" Moore, on the Christmas special of the American adaptation of Men Behaving Badly

"What more can be said about this shambles? It is categorically and undeniably the worst episode of Red Dwarf – rooted to the bottom of the list, and miles away from its nearest rival. If Derby County’s 2007-08 Premier League campaign was an episode of a science-fiction sit-com, this would be it. In a year where we’re supposed to be celebrating everything good about Red Dwarf, let’s just be thankful that when there’s an episode as bad as this, it sticks out so much that the decision to put it in last place was shared by sixty-seven people – by far the highest amount, by a factor of 39."
Ganymede and Titan's round-up of "Pete, Part 2" in the Silver Survey Poll. note 

"I can say with no exaggeration that the sixteenth Goosebumps book ruined the series. There were bad novels before it, and there would be good ones after it, but nothing prior to One Day At HorrorLand exhibits what would steadily become a trademark of the series: complete and utter contempt for the audience."

Hitler: What did I just see?! What in the actual fuck did I just see?! That was, without a doubt, one of the most disgusting things I've watched! So this is what it has come to... MTV's hit a new low! I ought to have them all shot by the SS! Whoever thought this act was a good idea, is nothing less than a perverted, sick creep!
Burgdorf: My Führer, [Miley Cyrus]'s trying to express her grown-up maturity-
Burgdorf: My Führer, she's not a Disney star anymore!
Hitler: That doesn't mean she should flip on her bitch switch! *angrily tosses pencil* It's a bad example! She used to be a role model, she was looked up to by millions of young girls, and last night, they all died from disgust and horror! I don't even know how I'm shocked by this! MTV has been airing manufactured crap for years now! I'd never think they'd stoop this low, though. Next, they'll be showing Stalin twerking his ass off!
(Hitler calms down sadly)
Hitler: I'm still reeling from this trainwreck... I feel dirty now, soiled for having witnessed this. I can never un-see it! Disgusting... people used to have to sing, act, dance, or be funny to be talented! Now all you have to do is make yourself a slut-fest! I'm 100% done with TV. First fake documentaries, and now this! I'm sick of this manufactured shit!