"Okay! For the record, when the nicest thing Jane Bennet has to say about you is "tall", you have personality problems."
—Lizzie (on Darcy), The Lizzie Bennet Diaries
First things first: of course it's better than Results May Vary. How could it not be? But let's not get ahead of ourselves — Charmbracelet is better than Glitter, Generation Swine is better than that pseudo-industrial Mötley Crüe album without Vince Neil, but that doesn't mean you'd want to listen to any of them.
Dundee, 30th May 1865
I certify that William McGonagall has for some time been known to me. I have heard him speak, he has a strong proclivity for the elocutionary department, a strong voice, and great enthusiasm.
— George Gilfillan
"The best that can be said about Ishtar is that Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman, two of the most intelligent actors of their generation, play dumb so successfully that on the basis of this film there's no evidence for why they've made it in the movies."
"The movie has one merit: If you have unruly children, it may put them to sleep."
— Leonard Maltin on Doctor Dolittle (1967)
"Describing this as the 'best' of the abysmal animated Madagascar trilogy is like indicating a slight preference for being locked in a sweatbox instead of waterboarded: Either way, you feel enormous gratitude when it’s over."
—Lou Lumenick, on Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted.
"(Robert) Altman was a maverick who seemed like the last person to do a live action comic musical. Altman accepted the gig because (Robert) Evans hooked Altman up with someone who could fix his back problems. I guess a good chiropractor is hard to find in Hollywood.... Is it any good? Well, it’s not as bad as Quintet!"
"If I'm going with a genuine positive? The fact that the boom mic showed up a few times means that they thought to use a boom mic."
—Best of the Worst on Lethal Ninja (1992)
"Ironically the most major positives about this film are the things that are not in the film:
1) Han Solo was not ruined. Now, Chewbacca was ruined for being pointlessly shoehorned into this movie, but Chewbacca was no Han Solo.
2) No Millenium Falcon... Thankfully, nowhere in this film do we see the Millenium Falcon flyin' around doin' somethin' stupid with, like, it's original owner. No, the Millenium Falcon is safe and secure. It wasn't raped.
3) Almost no Jar-Jar Binks. After three films Lucas finally got it. We only see this loathesome cunt for a brief moment or two.
4) No kids. The first film obviously had a kid; a kid that made you want to sterilize the human race. It also had more kids that fucking talked, too. The second film had even more kids that talked! Finally, the only kid in this film that talks dies. Yah, all o' 'em die. These are positive changes.
"Well, let me see. Uma Thurman has nice eyes... No, there’s that thing where she keeps them open during kisses, so that’s out. Arnold... no. Clooney... no, that’s a bust too, even though he’s not that bad. Chris O’Don—What the hell am I doing? Look, no animals were harmed during the making of this movie! There!"''
David: Yo, I’m seriously impressed that they actually properly set up the resolution to this conflict. Chekhov's Gun was properly placed on the mantelpiece. The resolutions to the first two Superman movies come straight out of thin air, so to see this movie actually try to not have Superman pull a deus ex machina out of his ass is really nice.
Matt: And those lingering shots of the chemical at the beginning weren’t for nothing!
David: Superman III: being praised for doing the bare minimum in narrative construction.
"Legend isn't just a poor sequel, it's an attempt to rewrite history. The plan was clearly for it to suck so badly it would become a black hole, travel back in time and make Van Damme's movie look brilliant by comparison, and that would have worked."
"Did you know this episode was nominated for [the Emmy Award for] Outstanding Hair Styling?"
David: So, yeah. High Points? I guess the temple was kind of entertaining, even though it was stupid. Uh. Yeah. I don’t think any animals were harmed during its production.
Chris: It didn’t make any racist remarks that I remember.
David: It did not actually kill me. Like, I didn’t die from watching it. That was maybe the high point.
—Smallvillains on Smallville ("Prophecy")
"Is it fair to expect more from a movie tie-in? Maybe not. But whereas the last movie game deserved second-degree burns edging on third, it was 24-karat gold compared to this one. (beat) Well, silver. (beat) Well, copper. Copper's still good! You can wire stuff up with it! Like Amazing Spider-Man 2's nipples!"
"In Steven Seagal is the Final Option, you look exactly like Steven Seagal from Hard to Kill. Which is easily the nicest thing anyone has ever said about anything. They never finished Seagal's running animation which is a shame because I'm sure it would have involved motion capturing a fat woman waking up in bathtub full of snakes. Graphics: 10/10"
"Now listen to me, if everyone was critical about everything all the time, the world would be a dull place. So let's start with the positives: At least it gave me a millisecond's preview of the game before SHOVING A HINT IN MY FUCKIN' FACE"
"Hearts actually refill your health. (Man, I'm really to find positives here.)"
"Buzz, aptly nicknamed for his apparent tipsiness during his promo, tried his hand at cheerleading for WWE and “our space program” (the United States’ that is)... That didn’t stop the astronaut from trying to ingratiate himself to the Canadian audience, though, accidentally damning the country with the faintest of praise. The Toronto fans should have been grateful to hear that Canadian engineers built the landing gear on the Apollo 11 lunar lander, but no. No one ever cared about astronauts anyway; back in the 60s, every little boy wanted to grow up to be a landing gear technician! The fans in attendance, thinking Aldrin was turning heel on them, booed poor Buzz, even after his enthusiastic exclamation of, 'Woo. How 'bout that?'"