Quotes / Critical Research Failure


Mabel Pines: The ancient Aztec's Chest Skull was the modern equivalent to today's 'Orange you happy, mon?'
Dipper Pines: Yes, Aztec war paint was exactly like a Rasta orange.

Bears derive their name from a football team in Chicago.
Peter Gaulke, Strange Wilderness

I was there when he shot Burt Reynolds!
Larry Lovage, on Willie Nelson in Leisure Suit Larry

Web original

In nature, spiders have many natural enemies. There is one main predator they always have to watch out for. The mighty octopus. Their tentacles of sheer fury are fierce opponents. Only through agility, resolution, and quick banter can the amazing spider atone for the danger he faces.
Loli Loves Venom #32 (why you should not ask Venom for homework help).

George Wood: Final Fantasy VII is no different from the series' last installments in terms of execution.
Diabetus: Uh, except for just about everything?
slowbeef: The Materia, the active time battles...?
Diabetus: It's on a PlayStation?
slowbeef: Uh, the fucking snowboarding minigame that you're showing?
Navgtr Responds to the Fans, Retsupurae

[...] episodes like "Not All Dogs go to Heaven", "Screams of Silence", and "Quagmire's Dad", they're pretty much the equivalent of a guy thinking that he knows everything on harsh real-world topics because he spent two minutes on Wikipedia... after a troll edited the page!

The occasional mistake is one thing. Consistent and complete lack of research is another. And for the love of God, authors, is it that difficult to hand your manuscript to a native speaker of the foreign tongue you're attempting to mangle and ask them 'Look, would somebody actually say something like this in your language, or did I just inadvertently reveal my hero's latent homosexual tendencies by having him address the heroine by the masculine form of 'my darling' throughout the book?'

There are attempts to address some fandom controversies in this work, including Cassandra Clare, author of The Mortal Instruments series, who plagiarized from a romance author back in her fanfic writing days. Jamison undercuts the plagiarism by saying "Isn't all fanfic copyright infringement anyway?" note 
— Commenter Rose reviewing Anne Jamison's Fic: Why Fanfiction is Taking Over the World

Dear Daily Mail, there's a thing called a search engine, use it
If you'd Googled my tits in advance you'd have found that your photos are hardly exclusive.
Amanda Palmer, "Dear Daily Mail"

Yes, apparently Eskimos get in line to shove off their old farts while a ticket holder moves the line along while they say goodbye. Good fuckity God! ... First of all: When this was done, it was done in times of famine, not just because they were old. Second: This was incredibly rare and only done as a last resort. Third: This happened eons ago! Nobody does it anymore! I mean, did you do any research!? Do you know anything about how the world works!? READ A FUCKING BOOK!

Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor: I'm screaming "mercy mercy please"note 
Todd: Mercy Mercy Me is a song about the environment, you vapid eunuchs! note 
Todd in the Shadows, on Marvin Gaye by Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor (his pick for worst song of 2015)

Derek Jacobi: His will famously left his second-best bed to his widow, but it made no mention of a single book or manuscript!
Kyle: "And where is his birth certificate?!" So you know: his will didn't mention any plays because he didn't own any plays. The playhouses owned them. (beat) Man, that was easy!
Brows Held High's review of Anonymous, which explores the theory that William Shakespeare's plays were falsely attributed to him

I refuse to take seriously a zodiac-themed villain that thinks what appears to be a crawdad represents Cancer, which is symbolized by a crab.

This is likeÖ Elementary research you should undertake before you embark on your career as a super villain. Címon now.

Customer: What? Do you have a thing against ham or something?
Kosher Deli Clerk: Actually... yes, we do.

One of the biggest and most central characters to any war story is the war itself. Real life historical wars often have numerous accounts written from many different perspectives. These varied records can make researching the setting easy, but they make even better drink coasters. It is far easier to skim a Wikipedia article before getting bored a third of the way through and instead watch Mash. Don't worry, I'm sure history nerds won't point out a story's historical inaccuracies.