Quotes: Courtroom Antic

I'm not one for a lot of fancy footwork in lieu of a defense. Unless, of course... it's dazzling.
Judge Maxwell Frasier, This Is Wonderland

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred for introducing this evidence against my own client.
Hyperchicken Lawyer, Futurama

Mad Hatter: Oop! I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please!
Joker: Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down?

David Barron: Objection. Assuming facts not in evidence.
Caroline Julian: What do you mean? The defendant has every needle disease in the book, except HIV.
David Barron: Same objection. Plus Miss Julian seems to deeply desire to testify herself.
Caroline Julian: Yes, I would like to testify, because then I'd know what answers I was getting.
Judge: Alright, settle down. This is a murder trial, not a night at the Improv.
Bones, The Man In The Mansion

Mr. Reede, it is out of sheer morbid curiosity I'm allowing this freakshow to continue."
Judge Marshall Stevens, Liar Liar

Judge Hurwitz: You think I'm an idiot?
Alan Shore:...Judge, I cannot be held accountable for what I do with straight lines lobbed right over the plate.
Judge Hurwitz: How would you like to be held in contempt, Mr Wisenheimer?
Alan: Again, Judge, that was a beach ball. Straight down the middle.