Quotes: Courtroom Antic

Heather Mills gave her first interview since winning millions of dollars in her divorce settlement...Heather also didnít apologize for dumping a glass of water all over Paulís lawyer. She said the woman deserved it, ďMrs. Shackleton said something under her breath, so I cleansed and baptized her. I thought she looked fantastic — I thought it did her a world of good.Ē When is someone going to do Heather a world of good and stick her peg leg in her mouth.
Michael K., "Note To Paulís 3 Girlfriends: Watch Out For Heather"

I'm not one for a lot of fancy footwork in lieu of a defense. Unless, of course... it's dazzling.
Judge Maxwell Frasier, This Is Wonderland

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred for introducing this evidence against my own client.
Hyperchicken Lawyer, Futurama

Mad Hatter: Oop! I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please!
Joker: Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down?

David Barron: Objection. Assuming facts not in evidence.
Caroline Julian: What do you mean? The defendant has every needle disease in the book, except HIV.
David Barron: Same objection. Plus Miss Julian seems to deeply desire to testify herself.
Caroline Julian: Yes, I would like to testify, because then I'd know what answers I was getting.
Judge: Alright, settle down. This is a murder trial, not a night at the Improv.
Bones, The Man In The Mansion

Mr. Reede, it is out of sheer morbid curiosity I'm allowing this freakshow to continue."
Judge Marshall Stevens, Liar Liar

Judge Hurwitz: You think I'm an idiot?
Alan Shore:...Judge, I cannot be held accountable for what I do with straight lines lobbed right over the plate.
Judge Hurwitz: How would you like to be held in contempt, Mr Wisenheimer?
Alan: Again, Judge, that was a beach ball. Straight down the middle.