I'm not one for a lot of fancy footwork in lieu of a defense. Unless, of course... it's dazzling.
—Judge Maxwell Frasier, This Is Wonderland
Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred for introducing this evidence against my own client.
— Hyperchicken Lawyer, Futurama
Mad Hatter: Oop! I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please!
Joker: Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down?
— Batman: The Animated Series, Trial
David Barron: Objection. Assuming facts not in evidence.
Caroline Julian: What do you mean? The defendant has every needle disease in the book, except HIV.
David Barron: Same objection. Plus Miss Julian seems to deeply desire to testify herself.
Caroline Julian: Yes, I would like to testify, because then I'd know what answers I was getting.
Judge: Alright, settle down. This is a murder trial, not a night at the Improv.
— Bones, The Man In The Mansion
Mr. Reede, it is out of sheer morbid curiosity I'm allowing this freakshow to continue."
— Judge Marshall Stevens, Liar Liar