Quotes / Cordon Bleugh Chef

"Today I put......... JELLY on this hot god"
Sweet Bro, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff

Latooni: Well, strawberry jam-filling onigiri is definitely not standard...
Joshua: Rim, I can understand if this was... well, bread but...

"I don't think boiled egg and mushroom salad really go with apple pie."
Okabe Rintarou, Steins;Gate

"That's one of those 'burgers on a glazed doughnut' nightmares that I've read so much about."
Cracked, "5 Reasons San Francisco is the Worst Awesome City in America"

"Remember that time we made fun of Guy Fieri, by which I mean any time any human being has ever talked about Guy Fieri? Well, it's time to head back to Flavortown for another trip on the Fiericoaster, because we now have photo evidence of Guy Fieri's inhumane treatment of innocent edibles. [...] The menu description is inaccurate: this thing hasn't been "topped" with potato chips and pretzels, it bravely leapt onto a Ruffles grenade to save its cheesecake comrades. Its sacrifice shall not be forgotten, no matter how those traitorous Parfaits try to slander its war record posthumously. Oh, that's nice; someone's been thoughtful enough to wound the cheesecake with a knife, which the customer could hopefully then use to kill it the rest of the way. That'll definitely be necessary, because there's absolutely no chance this thing isn't haunted by the murdered ghosts of cheesecakes past. That looks like what I imagine Ed Gein requested for his last meal. Elvis would look at this and go 'hey, now, wait up a sec.' That's not a dessert, it's an act of defiance against the Gods."

This year the white-trash fusion chef opened his flagship Manhattan restaurant...I'd wager that 90 percent of his customers that first night were foodies planning to review the place ironically. The other 10 percent were tourists for whom Turkey Tequila Fettuccine represents the apex of molecular gastronomy. Oooh, a whole lamb bathed in Cheetos dust! FANCY.
Drew Magary on Guy Fieri, "The 25 Least Influential People of 2012"

(913): Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.

Misato woke up clutching her stomach, which was mildly nauseous, and wondering if Asuka had put LSD in the homemade pizza. I'm never letting Asuka make saurkraut pizza or whatever that was, ever again.

Sighing, Shinji just shakes his head and tries to find something Misato hadn’t smothered in the thick, sludge-like hot sauce she slathered all over her food. It seemed to be a combination of crystalline capsaicin dissolved in sulphuric acid with raw wasabi added in for flavour. Shinji was fairly certain the stuff could overload the taste buds of an Emperor’s Children space marine.

"Oh… great" Shinji managed to get out before swallowing. Oh God in heaven, not again, I can't go through that… food… again…

Misato: Oh, and since you just woke up you must be hungry. Why don't I —
Asuka: (widening her eyes) No, that's okay! I'll make breakfast!
Misato: Aw, but I had this neat idea for an experiment! All I need is some horseradish and some curry and —

Gordon Ramsay: What is it?
Matt: I call it exotic tartare because it's with venison and diver scallops with caviar and white chocolate and —
Ramsay: Whoa, stop stop stop stop. L-let me just get this right again. Either that or I'm just about to be punked. Diver scallops. Chopped up. Caviar. And white chocolate. Do you smoke?
Matt: Cigarettes?
Ramsay: No... Raw venison. Raw quail egg. Lime zest. Olive oil. Scallops, caviar, and grated white chocolate... [takes a bite] Capers as well. [vomits] That must be one of the worst combinations I've ever tasted in twenty-one years of cooking. Piss off, will you?

Gordon Ramsay: Prawns, the flavour of the prawns was extraordinary. Fresh, vibrant. Why do you wanna fuck around and put chocolate sauce on there?
Laurence: Um, cos I don't wanna be boring. I wanna be exciting.
Ramsay: I thought it was fucking hideous. Didn't work.

Bacon and chocolate pizza? OMFG.
Gordon Ramsay, on a dessert offering from the Keating's MerK restaurant, Hotel Hell

Liu Hai: Imagine taco dim sum. Fettucine eclairs.
Scrooge: (grossed out) Why would I want to imagine any of that?

Oh my god, she... she made half an English trifle and... half a shepherd's pie!
Ross Geller, on Rachel's disastrous English trifle, Friends