Quotes / Complaining About Shows You Don't Watch

"We don't like what we don't understand, in fact it scares us"
The mob from Beauty and the Beast

Rod Flanders: Daddy, what are you doing?
Ned Flanders: Imploring people I never met to pressure a government with better things to do to punish a man who meant no harm for something nobody even saw. That's what I'm doing!
Rod Flanders: (pause) Daddy, we think you need a new mommy.
The Simpsons, "You Kent Always Get What You Want"

"[T]hough Don Juan wished Don Quixote to read more of the book to see what it was all about, he was not to be prevailed upon, saying that he treated it as read and pronounced it utterly silly; and, if by any chance it should come to its author's ears that he had it in his hand, he did not want him to flatter himself with the idea that he had read it; for our thoughts, and still more our eyes, should keep themselves aloof from what is obscene and filthy."
Don Quixote Part II Chapter LIX.

"I am none other than Mr. Kehoe Pinney, President of the Campaign Against Filth and Blasphemy... weíre the ones who know whatís disgusting. We donít have to see a pigsty to know it stinks ladies and gentlemen. Itís an insult to decent, right thinking people. Not that weíd ever have anything to do with it anyway. And even if we did, it wouldnít harm us. Never! It would never harm us. Only other people, who arenít as mentally stable and mature as we are. Thank you!"

"Oh, thank you for those insightful reviews of books you haven't read."
Linda Flynn, Phineas and Ferb

"I love going on messages boards and complaining about games I never played! TRUE/FALSE"
Super Paper Mario Hint 

"He banned Henry Miller. He banned D.H. Lawrence. Giovanni's Room 'cause it's too homosexual! ...He banned Fahrenheit 451, which is about banning books!"
Jed Bartlet, The West Wing'' ("Two Cathedrals")

Clark: I didn't say I didn't review it. I said I didn't read it.
Georgina: How could you review it without reading it?
Clark: Easy. First I quoted liberally from the introduction and quarreled with the author's approach. Next, I leafed quickly through and called attention to three typographical errors. Then I praised the illustrations, grumbled about the footnotes, and intimated that the book added little to what had already been written. Result, a scholarly column and all done in exactly fifty-seven minutes.

"I didn't actually see Spitting Image last week, but it was disgusting!"

"I don't need to see shit. I can smell shit."
Rev. Al Sharpton on Coonskin

"(The whole entire object of the game) is to kill, just to kill, and the more you kill the higher the score."
Lieutenant Colonel Dave Grossman on Doom. There is no point system in Doom.

Cooper Lawrence: "And here's how they see women, they see them as these objects of desire, as these hot bodies. They don't show women as being valued for anything other than their sexuality. And it's a man deciding how many women he wants to sleep with."
Geoff Keighley: That's completely wrong. First of all you can play as a man or a woman. Have you actually ever played Mass Effect?
Cooper Lawrence: "NO!"
—The Fox News Channel with a textbook example, almost a guide on how to play this trope.

"I apologize in advance, because I am going to talk about a book that I have not yet read. To be clear, I intend to read Thomas Pikettyís Capital in the Twenty-First Century...But itís far down in the queue, and Iím afraid that I canít wait to weigh in—not on the book itself, but on its topic."
Megan McArdle, Bloomberg View

ďAny growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nationís moral decay.Ē
Ann Coulter on the 2014 World Cup

"When I said that there had not been a presidential contender or President in the last dozen years who has read or claimed to read Lincoln, they think I am making a joke. Yet even Ronald Reagan affected a knowledge of Lincoln, and told Time magazine that I had got everything wrong because I had described Lincoln watching the dawn from the Oval Office 'when you can't see the dawn from there.' Of course, there is no such scene in the book and, of course, the Oval Office where Ron so eagerly awaited each dawn was not added on to the White House until 1905."
Gore Vidal, Palimpsest

"Nobody would say, or probably even believe, that the academy voters were being racist in their across-the-board rejection of The Color Purple. After all, these were the same voters who gave the movie 11 nominations... Perhaps, all the same, there was a small irony in the fact that the academy passed over a movie about blacks in a white land to give seven Oscars to Out of Africa, a film about whites in a black land.

Perhaps there was another irony in the fact that many influential black writers and leaders denounced
The Color Purple for what they saw as a negative portrayal of black men, but none of them denounced Out of Africa, with its vague portraits of tribal blacks who were trotted on screen for a touch of authenticity... The black protests against the film did not cause it to lose, but they helped, by creating a climate in which the voters felt no obligation to honor the film."
Roger Ebert, "Looking Back: Why Did The Color Purple Lose All Its Oscar Noms?"

"Some people can't fit reading every single comedy article into their schedule. However, they can squeeze in enough time to comment under the ones they were too busy to read, but probably would have hated... I should have written instructions at the start of the article to warn you that the jokes work better if you read them all the way through."

That's sick. Is it my imagination or has the pedophile market now expanded to anime? This cartoon sex and gorefest is not fit to be shown either to children or to adults. Filth is still filth no matter how much Hollywood tries to wrap it in deceptive marketing.
Commenter on review of Watchmen, thus effectively proving the non-existance of other Anime

No wonder my screening was so sparsely attended. Or perhaps it was the fact that the advance word on "Pluto Nash" is so bad that the cowardly studio declined to provide an advance screening of any kind in my area, meaning that I had to stare at a blank screen for two hours and make stuff up. The above is probably close enough. It might even be better than the movie.
"Mr. Cranky" justifies himself.

"Bitch about games you've never played here"
Former description of the Youchew gaming forum.

"The biggest critics of things are those that haven't ever experienced it."
A forum post on this phenomena.

Sakura: I thought you said you were excited for this game?
Naruto: Of course I am! I am a video game fan! Video game fans all love to complain about video games they never actually played! It is how I maintain my erection!

"Well, Iím an English professor. Every time I reference low forms of literature, I always use Twilight as the example. Today a student asked if Iíve actually read them, and I had to say no. They demanded that I do."
(hangs his head in shame)

"Gayle Slossberg has a problem: She wants confirmation of the rumored rape scene in Grand Theft Auto IV — but she can't reach that level of the game. The Milford state senator's never played GTA, but she fears it's corrupting the youth and thinks a law requiring better warning labels might be the fix. She told the Nose as much at a Capitol press conference last week."
New Haven Advocate article.

"The highest form of ignorance is rejecting something you know nothing about."
Wayne Dyer

"Recently I have spent all my time among writing tablets and books. 'How is that possible with the races on?' you ask. They're not the kind of spectacle that I find tempting. I marvel that thousands are so childish and long to see, again and again galloping horses pulling men standing in chariots."
Pliny the Younger, 2nd Century Rome.

"There exists a social phenomena where something, be it a franchise, genre, or whatever, is hated just on basis and not whether it is. I call it 'Dynasty Warriors Syndrome.' I'm well aware that this syndrome wasn't 'born' with Dynasty Warriors - it actually dates back to the treatments of Science Fiction and Fantasy, Animated shows, female-targeted media, Comedies, and stuff targeted at children. The Dynasty Warriors hatred is just the most loudmouthed. Honestly, I wouldn't ask these people whether or not something's good... I'll ask a fan of that particular work if it's good or not. Because they've done the most research - to appeal to authority, you wouldn't ask an architect if a car design is good, would you?"

"Good evening, sir," a voice said. It sounded Puerto Rican. "We would like to know what we can do to improve the show Dance War."
Andy hadn't actually watched the show, but he had heard of it. It was possible to loathe such things without actually seeing them.

"If you donít intend to PLAY a game you are reviewing, at least research it! Research is the heart and soul of writing! Without the facts, all of your writing in any given field will be ignorant and considered poor."

"Because guess what? You might not know everything about a genre you refuse to listen to."

Bill Oddie: You mean you're gonna condemn that film without even seeing it?!
Mrs Carthorse: Why should I change the habit of a lifetime!
The Goodies, "Gender Education"

"Now, remember; those are the views of the people that were in the Bay Shore Shopping Center last Wednesday, and they're talking about a program that you're watching now, live, for the first time anywhere. Even the ones that claim to have seen it. Makes you wonder about the value of criticism, doesn't it?"
Ian Fingler, 1979 premiere episode of You Can't Do That on Television

Big Ricky: All right, you can tell Kirby to expect an awful review.
Fish: But you didn't even watch it.
Big Ricky: I save my most scathing reviews for the things I've never seen. It's called being a critic.

I don't get it.
This is so gay!
But you don't even play!
Yellow Guy, Don't Shitpost, I'm Scared, /v/: The Musical