In the morning I woke early and experienced that sinking sensation that overcomes you when you first open your eyes and realize that instead of a normal day ahead of you, with its scatterings of simple gratifications, you are going to have a day without even the tiniest of pleasures; you are going to drive across Ohio.
- Bill Bryson, The Lost Continent.
Come on down to Cleveland-town everyone
Under construction since 1868!
See our river that catches on fire!
It's so polluted that all our fish have AIDS!
— Mike Polk, local comedian, Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video: 2nd Attempt
Look here. To the west of us lie ruins of a considerable settlement marked Cleve-land. I give you my advice as a salvager who has been in such places—keep away. Move to the south, around it.
—Greenberg, to Kinkaid, A Secret History of Time to Come by Robie Macauley.
Remember the time you lit your cigarette backwards? Smoked it right down. Said it reminded you of Cleveland.
—Happy Hour Is The Saddest Hour Of The Day, by Ray Stevens