— Guards, The Elder Scrolls: Arena
"We're watching you, scum."
— Guards, The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
"STOP! You violated the law! Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence!"
— Guards, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
"You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people! What say you in your defense?"
— Guards, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, round about Chapter Three (or ten minutes into the film) to rush into the room, attack the hero one at a time, and be slaughtered. No-one ever asks them if they wanted to.
This book is dedicated to those fine men.