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Quotes: Child Hater
"Because, my little artichoke, I'm 16 and you're 10. DO THE MATH!!!"

"Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad."
— Leo Rosten, about W. C. Fields.

Aunt Cakey: Somebody get this kid to a speech therapist.

"Oh look, what clever children! See them study, see them learn! How I HATE those goodie-goodies, how it makes my stomach turn!"

"You're not people. You're kids."
Bank teller, The Little Rascals

[Tommy Vercetti walks into the Cherry Popper ice cream factory]
Maude: Who are you?
Tommy: Your new owner.
Maude: Were you now, or at any time, a child?
Tommy: What are you talking about?
Maude: Were you a child!?
Tommy: Yes! Calm down! What's wrong with you?
Maude: I knew it. A child! A dirty, stinking, sniveling, snotting, vile, puking, crying little baby. A baby!! An awful, horrible, disgusting little boo-hoo! Mommy doesn't love you. You little shit! [Kicks Tommy in the foot]
Tommy: Ow! Calm down.
Maude: I HATE babies, and I hate children. They're dirty, sniveling, snotting, vile, puking little-
Tommy: Enough already! What is wrong with you?? You make soft ice cream, okay? It's purely for kids. What kind of psycho are you? Just so I understand this, why make children happy if you hate them?
Maude: Oh, you stupid, sniveling, snotty-
Tommy: Shut up!
Maude: Brat! The ice cream is a front. We distribute other non-dairy products. And if I see a kid, I put him to good use. [Talking to herself] Don't I, kiddies? Yes, yes I do. Mummy doesn't love you. She HATES you!!
Tommy: (What a nice lady. Still, y'know, I hear there's good money in ice cream.)

"You know, I do really hate children!"
Dolores Umbridge, Harry Potter

Grelod the Kind: Those who shirk their duties will get an extra beating. Do I make myself clear?
Orphans: Yes, Grelod.
Grelod the Kind: And one more thing! I will hear no more talk of adoptions! None of you riff-raff is getting adopted. Ever! Nobody needs you, nobody wants you. That, my darlings, is why you're here. Why you will always be here, until the day you come of age and get thrown into that wide, horrible world. Now, what do you all say?
Orphans: [unenthusiastically] We love you, Grelod. Thank you for your kindness.
Grelod the Kind: That's better. Now scurry off, my little guttersnipes.

"One of these days, I swear I'll blow kids straight off the face of the earth. All they're good for is annoying adults. Well, finally they'll be put to good use. Who'd of thought that simply saying a trip to DisneyLand would convince the kids to stay? They're so stupid!"

But pray, mistake me not.
I've no interest in children, and still less in men.
???, Bravely Default

I'm not going to lie - I despise children. There, I've said it.
Underwood to the audience, House of Cards (US)


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