"Dunaway does not chew scenery. Dunaway starts neatly at each corner of the set in every scene and swallows it whole, costars and all."

Big Cheese: Do I chew the scenery?

Jerry Atrick: You even swallow it!

"Shhshsh, not now son. I'm making *Dramatic Pause* TOAST!"

"Boy, those Canadians can really write."

At one point, toward the end of this uneven, 2 1/2-hour romp in Japan, Cruise trembles with such grief, rage, injustice and despair, his eyes literally begin to cross and you sense that this is it. The man really is going to be the first actor ever to pass out onscreen from overacting.

They should give him an Academy Award just for the effort.

"It's so hard to chew the scenery when he's wearing dentures."

You told me... to play... BASKETBALL!!

Lemme give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man... instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does he do? I swear, for his own amusement - for his own private, cosmic gag reel - he sets the rules and opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look, but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste - don't swallow. (He laughs) And while you're jumping from one foot to the next, what is he doing? HE'S LAUGHING HIS SICK FUCKING ASS OFF! He's a tightass - he's a sadist - he's an absentee LANDLORD! Worship that? NEVER.