Captain Kirk: ...and then there was Carol. I was on the fast track for command... but the way I felt about her... I was almost ready to give it all up.. .almost.
Xill: So why are you here? Where is she?
Captain Kirk: That's a complicated story. But the memory of her drives me to try harder with the new female in my life... the Enterprise.
Xill: Your ship is your girlfriend? Creepy...
— Star Trek The Manga - Shinsei Shinsei - Orphans
"The milk is now on my bed. Guess where this is going~"
"Nobody comes between me and my Blue-Eyes! And anyone foolish enough to try pays the price!"
— Seto Kaiba, Yu-Gi-Oh!
Shizuo: Not that I havenít heard people say "I love you" to me, but I donít even know if they counted as women or not.
Tom: Hmm? Have you been going to gay bars or transsexual clubs?
Shizuo: No, thatís not what I meant. I mean, they hardly counted as humans to begin with. More like sharp objects...
— Tom and Shizuo discuss Shizuo's rather unusual love life, Durarara!!
Doctor Mrs. The Monarch: What the hell is that thing doing in our bed? Get it out of there!
The Monarch: *smacks her hand away* Don't you f ***ing touch her!
Doctor Mrs. The Monarch: Whoa. What's the matter with you?
Monarch: You're just jealous! That's what's going on here! You - you never supported me and Butter-Glider! EVER!
Doctor Mrs. The Monarch: Okay, wow. I wrote this off as some kinda midlife crisis kinda thing, but this, this is - they don't even have a name for what this is!
"Have you ever enjoyed a book so much you wish you could make sweet, sweet love to it? That's how I feel about most Stephen King novels."
— Source needed
"Why, hello there! This mic is zetta sexy!"
— Sho Minamimoto, The World Ends with You
"The Maria Narcissa is a BOAT."
"So was the last girl you set me up with.."
"All I'm saying, Jon, is that I want to be sodomized by your Constitution."
— John Oliver (declaring that he is gay for America), The Daily Show
"I put my MySpace sexuality status to "not sure" mostly because I just love that that's an option. Who is that for? Who is so confused about their sexuality that they have no idea? Is it some guy who's saying "Dude, I just jerked off to my stove. What was that all about?"
— Nick Swardson
"I have never understood the human compulsion to emotionally bond with inanimate objects."
— Tuvok, Star Trek: Voyager, "Year of Hell, Part II"
Fenris: The way you fondle your weapon is disturbing.
Varric: Hey, I'm a perfect gentleman! In public.
Snake: You should come inside the box; then you'll know what I mean.
Aby: No, the truth is I'm married to my work!
Kell: Um...did you ever have a formal ceremony?
[Aby blinks at Kell]
Newspaper: Aby Eyeshine to Wed Her Career.
Sarah Jane: Does he still... stroke parts of the TARDIS?
Rose: Yes! Yes! I'm like, "Do you two want to be left alone?"
Doctor Who, "School Reunion"
I'm having a problem with Debra, my computer. We used to be sweet friends—we would hang out, work, play, you know, just have a warm time.
But as of late I find myself spending more and more time with Debra, and less and less time with Patricia, my wife who is now full of trepidation because of my bond with Debra. It's not as if I don't love Patricia—the wife—any more, but she just doesn't interest me the same way as Debra does. And I can't just boot Patricia out. Any suggestions? Signed, Teched Out
Dear Teched, Get your wife a mouse and maybe you'll feel different about her.
—"Man Loves Computer", SimCity 2000 newspaper
Kissing Stapler: The first in a line of office supplies for lonely workers.
—From Wario Land: Shake It!