Quotes: Cargo Ship

Have you ever enjoyed a book so much you wish you could make sweet, sweet love to it? That's how I feel about most Stephen King novels.
— Anon

Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love!
Professor Farnsworth, Futurama

The milk is now on my bed. Guess where this is going~

All I'm saying, Jon, is that I want to be sodomized by your Constitution.
John Oliver declares he is gay for America, The Daily Show

Sarah Jane: Does he still... stroke parts of the TARDIS?
Rose: Yes! Yes! I'm like, "Do you two want to be left alone?"
Doctor Who, "School Reunion"

Fenris: The way you fondle your weapon is disturbing.
Varric: Hey, I'm a perfect gentleman! In public.

Shizuo: Not that I havenít heard people say "I love you" to me, but I donít even know if they counted as women or not.
Tom: Hmm? Have you been going to gay bars or transsexual clubs?
Shizuo: No, thatís not what I meant. I mean, they hardly counted as humans to begin with. More like sharp objects...
— A discussion about Shizuo's rather unusual love life, Durarara!!

Aby: No, the truth is I'm married to my work!
Kell: Um... did you ever have a formal ceremony?
Aby: (blinks at Kell)
Newspaper: Aby Eyeshine to Wed Her Career.

Snake: You should come inside the box, then you'll know what I mean.
Sigint: Man, I don't even wanna know what you mean!

Dear MisSim,

I'm having a problem with Debra, my computer. We used to be sweet friends - we would hang out, work, play, you know, just have a warm time.

But as of late I find myself spending more and more time with Debra, and less and less time with Patricia, my wife who is now full of trepidation because of my bond with Debra. It's not as if I don't love Patricia - the wife - any more, but she just doesn't interest me the same way as Debra does. And I can't just boot Patricia out. Any suggestions?

Signed, Teched Out


Dear Teched,

Get your wife a mouse and maybe you'll feel different about her.
— "Man Loves Computer", SimCity 2000 newspaper

"The Maria Narcissa is a BOAT."
"So was the last girl you set me up with..."

Captain Kirk: ...and then there was Carol. I was on the fast track for command... but the way I felt about her... I was almost ready to give it all up... almost.
Xill: So why are you here? Where is she?
Captain Kirk: That's a complicated story. But the memory of her drives me to try harder with the new female in my life... the Enterprise.
Xill: Your ship is your girlfriend? Creepy...
Star Trek The Manga - Shinsei Shinsei - Orphans

I have never understood the human compulsion to emotionally bond with inanimate objects.
Tuvok, Star Trek: Voyager, "Year of Hell, Part II"

I put my MySpace sexuality status to "not sure" mostly because I just love that that's an option. Who is that for? Who is so confused about their sexuality that they have no idea? Is it some guy who's saying "Dude, I just jerked off to my stove. What was that all about?"
Nick Swardson

Doctor Mrs. The Monarch: What the hell is that thing doing in our bed? Get it out of there!
The Monarch: (smacks her hand away) Don't you f ***ing touch her!
Doctor Mrs. The Monarch: Whoa. What's the matter with you?
Monarch: You're just jealous! That's what's going on here! You - you never supported me and Butter-Glider! EVER!
Doctor Mrs. The Monarch: Okay, wow. I wrote this off as some kinda midlife crisis kinda thing, but this, this is - they don't even have a name for what this is!

Kissing Stapler: The first in a line of office supplies for lonely workers.

Why, hello there! This mic is zetta sexy!
Sho Minamimoto, The World Ends with You

Nobody comes between me and my Blue-Eyes! And anyone foolish enough to try pays the price!
Seto Kaiba, Yu-Gi-Oh!