I apologize for the condensation on my frickin' beer bottle, that's wetting the entire table. Coaster! Lockhart:
Summer makes gaming an endurance contest. Brian:
It's a geek sauna, folks. Lockhart:
And we're weak Canadians. It's actually only, what? 22 degrees? Brian:
Yeah, we're not used to the snow melting at all. Brad: The huskies running our generators
— Jade Regent, episode 20, from RPGMP3
: I promise you, in a few months, we'll be sipping drinks back in Vancouver. Samantha Traynor
: Vancouver? Not Paris, not Venice. Vancouver. Shepard
: It's a lovely city! Samantha
: You never take me anywhere nice.
What are we having? Canadian delicacy of some sort? Kaidan:
Uh, sure, exactly. We have beef, bacon, we have beer...the foods of my people.
The fact that Rob Ford isn't American. God, I want him to be American so very badly. Can't we adopt him? He belongs here.
O Canada, you're so adorable with your maple syrup and hockey and 'Eh's and moose. You're like North America's great big fuzzy John Candy-shaped teddy bear.
Canadians tend to get a bad rap, because Americans are more or less in charge of the world and we're jerks like that. Whenever we need affordable prescriptions, or a place to crash for a few years when they start the draft up, you're always there... and we've been less than gracious. We make fun of your flag, your baseball teams, the way you talk, and the fact that you're part French... sorry about that, honestly (er, the making fun of you part, not the French part
If at the end of the Miss Universe pageant, all of the losers took off their heels and beat Donald Trump
with them, that would be the best part of the entire competition. That doesn’t happen, so the best part of the pageant is the National Costume contest, which went down in Miami last night.
Dozens of beauty queens from around the world risked breaking their necks, cracking their shoulder bones and pulling their back muscles while carrying forty tons of glitter-covered fuckery on their bodies. The National Costume contest is the competition that separates the queens who don’t give a shit and bought their costume at a Party City on Biscayne from the queens who go all out and let their patriotic fuckery flag fly high. Case in point: Miss Canada who gave us Canada’s answer to the legendary low-budget Transformers
costume from Miss USA in 2013.
Allison should be proud of her home country today, because they broke the budget by throwing as much props as possible on top of Miss Canada. If Marie Antoinette
moved to Canada, fell in love with a hockey-obsessed traveller and married him, this is what she would wear on her wedding day...She looks like the queen in The Sports Network’s version of Game of Thrones
called Game of Hockey Sticks
. The only way this costume could’ve been more hockey crazy is if she shot pucks out of her crotch at the judges.
, "Miss Canada’s Hockey Wonderland Miss Universe Costume Is A Thing Of Beauty"
I like to imagine that Wolverine was wanted for questioning in regards to the murder of his father, and got the hell out of Canada in order to avoid being put in Igloo Jail (or whatever they have up there) by the Mounties. As anyone who watched WWF
in the ’90s will no doubt recall, the Mountie always gets his man.
Buzz, aptly nicknamed for his apparent tipsiness during his promo, tried his hand at cheerleading for WWE and “our space program” (the United States’ that is)... That didn’t stop the astronaut from trying to ingratiate himself to the Canadian audience, though, accidentally damning the country with the faintest of praise. The Toronto fans should have been grateful to hear that Canadian engineers built the landing gear on the Apollo 11 lunar lander, but no. No one ever cared about astronauts anyway; back in the 60s, every little boy wanted to grow up to be a landing gear technician!
The fans in attendance, thinking Aldrin was turning heel on them, booed poor Buzz, even after his enthusiastic exclamation of, 'Woo. How 'bout that?'
No one thinks of Canada as a hotbed of urban music. Canada let Tom Green
have a rap career up there. (That's true.
) We as Americans have this impression of Canada as this clean, magical place with poverty, crime, major cities, or any other culture besides boring white people...You say you come from the 'mean streets of Canada', unless you mean you took some rough checks in hockey, Americans will just laugh.
My election platform was to build a giant robot sawblade that would cut Canada off the top and then attach it to Australia so they wouldn't bother us anymore.
America gets a bad rap for having a lot of rude people. Canada, not so much. But that's just the world's perception. Believe me when I say that we have rude people in Canada. The only difference, is that, you know, we apologize for it. We pretty much apologize for everything
I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
I get to go to overseas places, like Canada.
You are the kindest country in the world. You are like a really nice apartment over a meth lab.
Lovely people, Canadians. Gentle, civilized, beautiful people. 'Til you give 'em a hockey puck. Then they lose their freaking minds!
I don't know why the Canadian Army bothers with tanks and guns and shit. They should just give the guys hockey sticks. 'There you are, boys. The Taliban is the puck.
Remember, Canada is bigger and it's on top. If this were prison, the USA would be Canada's bitch.
The Canadians are a people of the extreme centre
. They have not been averse to the quiet life...nor keen to spend more money on defense or effort abroad.
...for most Americans, Canada is sort of like a case of latent arthritis. We really don't think about it, unless it acts up.
The Canadian military wants to take a breather, do some yoga, pants some landscapes, run on the beach in beautiful white capri pants...Isn't this the perfect time to invade this ridiculous
country? Bill Schultz
: We have bulletproof vests, they have wonderful little red jackets that can be seen a mile away. This is not a smart culture, Greg.
The Great White North, CANADA! where you can enjoy a beautiful train ride, and go back to freezing cold temperatures, Hockey, Canadian bacon, Hockey
, bears, Hockey
, maple syrup, more bears, Hockey
......wait, Did I mention Hockey
The tragedy of Canada is that they could have enjoyed French cuisine, British culture, and American technology.
Instead, they got British cuisine, American culture, and French technology.
—John Robert Colombo
The only thing more Canadian than rioting after a hockey game is apologizing for it for two weeks afterwards
Most popular Twitter repost following the 2011 Vancouver hockey riot.