Agent Mitchum: You've ended the war against crime with your brilliant "Give us your guns or we'll blow your freakin' heads off" bill. And you've ended the war against drugs with your brilliant "Give us your drugs or we'll blow your freakin' heads off" campaign.

The President: I actually said, "freakin'"?

Agent Mitchum: No, sir, but I'm a Mormon.

"With ABC deleting dynamite gags from cartoons, do you find that your children are using explosives less frequently?"

Some days I pray for silence

Some days I pray for soul

Some days I just pray to the god of sex, drugs and drums and rock and roll

"I'm gonna fill your hoo-hah with goof juice!"

"Pulp Fiction? Yeah, saw it on an airplane, it's cute. It's a thirty-minute film about a group of friends who like cheeseburgers, dancing and the Bible."

"The people who do ADR for movies shown on broadcast TV and basic cable (i.e., the guys who dub over the curse words) are underappreciated geniuses. After all, without them, how would we know that Miami is like a great big chicken, just waiting to be plucked? Who else is going to warn us about the dire consequences when you find a stranger in the Alps? And where else would we have learned about the treacherous Mister Falcon?"

"The gym teacher hit me. Maybe I should drop out and become a thug..."

"The gym teacher made me do extra push-ups again. I’d rather do sit-ups though."