Quotes: Bowdlerise

Some days I pray for silence
Some days I pray for soul
Some days I just pray to the god of sex and drums and rock and roll

"The gym teacher hit me. Maybe I should drop out and become a thug..."

"The gym teacher made me do extra push-ups again. Id rather do sit-ups though."
The same kid, Earth Bound/EarthBound Zero

Agent Mitchum: You've ended the war against crime with your brilliant "Give us your guns or we'll blow your freakin' heads off" bill. And you've ended the war against drugs with your brilliant "Give us your drugs or we'll blow your freakin' heads off" campaign.
The President: I actually said, "freakin'"?
Agent Mitchum: No, sir, but I'm a Mormon.

"With ABC deleting dynamite gags from cartoons, do you find that your children are using explosives less frequently?"
Mark LoPresti

"Pulp Fiction? Yeah, saw it on an airplane, it's cute. It's a thirty-minute film about a group of friends who like cheeseburgers, dancing and the Bible."
Shirley, Community, S2 E19: "Critical Film Studies"

"I'm gonna fill your hoo-hah with goof juice!"

"The Undertaker has always been a figure clouded in darkness. The original persona was something straight out of an Elivra b-movie: an undead zombie who felt no pain. As the character has changed over the years, it probably comes as no shock that he eventually became almost a devil worshipper, eventually creating a church for fellow wrongdoers. It was known as The Ministry of Darkness, and it was truly evil. Amongst their evil acts were kidnappings, crucifixions (which the WWF justified by stating that victims were actually strapped to an Undertaker symbol, not a cross), and cutting guys open to drink their blood. [What Do You Mean, It's for Kids? Good, wholesome family fun.]] But while everyone assumed that the Undertaker was the mastermind behind the whole scene, he soon began to talk of a 'higher power' who was giving the Ministry its orders. After months of speculation, the higher power was revealed to be, yep, Vince McMahon."

"The people who do ADR for movies shown on broadcast TV and basic cable (i.e., the guys who dub over the curse words) are underappreciated geniuses. After all, without them, how would we know that Miami is like a great big chicken, just waiting to be plucked? Who else is going to warn us about the dire consequences when you find a stranger in the Alps? And where else would we have learned about the treacherous Mister Falcon?"

"It might be worth noting that a terminology change was made in the North American localization of Final Fantasy VIII. The English script refers to Edea as a sorceress, but what she's called in the original Japanese is evidently a lot closer to "witch." Interesting choice. "Witch" is a bit of a loaded term; Square's American branch probably worried that players would associate it with pointy hats and broomsticks, inadvertently softening the impact... But "witch" still might have been the better choice: Possessed Edea's speech and manners are very evocative of the Hans Christian Andersen breed of witch, especially in the scene in which she lures Seifer to her side. (The old woman in the gingerbread house probably spoke to Hansel in the same tones.) And since Final Fantasy VIII's world was designed to have a more predominantly Western feel than previous entries', it makes sense for the game's story to tap into Europe's traditional witch-phobia. Possessed Edea speaking of the populace's deep-seated hatred and fear towards sorceresses isn't terribly evocative; the scene probably would have struck more of a chord with English-speaking audiences had she referred to people hating and fearing witches instead. Ah, well."

So they'll censor us and they'll make a fuss
When we take this show out on a bus.
Totally bleeped, 'cause in sex we're steeped.
No four-letter words for us!
Totally bleeped!
Forbidden Broadway: Rude Awakening, parody of Spring Awakening

"I am sick and tired of these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday-to-Friday plane!"
—Famously bowdlerized TV edit of Snakes on a Plane