Quotes: Bowdlerise

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    Film — Live-action 

I am sick and tired of these monkey-fighting snakes on this monday-to-friday plane!
—TV edit of Snakes on a Plane

    Live-action TV 

Agent Mitchum: You've ended the war against crime with your brilliant "Give us your guns or we'll blow your freakin' heads off" bill. And you've ended the war against drugs with your brilliant "Give us your drugs or we'll blow your freakin' heads off" campaign.
The President: I actually said, "freakin'"?
Agent Mitchum: No, sir, but I'm a Mormon.

Pulp Fiction? Yeah, saw it on an airplane, it's cute. It's a thirty-minute film about a group of friends who like cheeseburgers, dancing and the Bible.
Shirley, Community, S2 E19: "Critical Film Studies"


Some days I pray for silence
Some days I pray for soul
Some days I just pray to the god of sex and
drums and rock and roll

    Video games 

The gym teacher hit me. Maybe I should drop out and become a thug...

The gym teacher made me do extra push-ups again. Id rather do sit-ups though.
The same kid, Earth Bound/EarthBound Zero

    Stand-Up Comedy 

I'm gonna fill your hoo-hah with goof juice!


So they'll censor us and they'll make a fuss
When we take this show out on a bus.
Totally bleeped, 'cause in sex we're steeped.
No four-letter words for us!
Totally bleeped!
Forbidden Broadway: Rude Awakening, parody of Spring Awakening

    Web Original 

The people who do ADR for movies shown on broadcast TV and basic cable (i.e., the guys who dub over the curse words) are underappreciated geniuses. After all, without them, how would we know that Miami is like a great big chicken, just waiting to be plucked? Who else is going to warn us about the dire consequences when you find a stranger in the Alps? And where else would we have learned about the treacherous Mister Falcon?

Monsters, for some unexplained reason, explode in a ball of fire rather than leaving bodies behind; presumably suicide-bombers are somehow more family friendly. Rather than ritual murders, you investigate kidnappings...There's really no reason to play this game at all. Please don't.
Robert Kosarko on Ultima VII (SNES port)

It might be worth noting that a terminology change was made in the North American localization of Final Fantasy VIII. The English script refers to Edea as a sorceress, but what she's called in the original Japanese is evidently a lot closer to "witch." Interesting choice. "Witch" is a bit of a loaded term; Square's American branch probably worried that players would associate it with pointy hats and broomsticks, inadvertently softening the impact... But "witch" still might have been the better choice: Possessed Edea's speech and manners are very evocative of the Hans Christian Andersen breed of witch, especially in the scene in which she lures Seifer to her side. (The old woman in the gingerbread house probably spoke to Hansel in the same tones.) And since Final Fantasy VIII's world was designed to have a more predominantly Western feel than previous entries', it makes sense for the game's story to tap into Europe's traditional witch-phobia. Possessed Edea speaking of the populace's deep-seated hatred and fear towards sorceresses isn't terribly evocative; the scene probably would have struck more of a chord with English-speaking audiences had she referred to people hating and fearing witches instead. Ah, well.

    Real Life 

With ABC deleting dynamite gags from cartoons, do you find that your children are using explosives less frequently?
Mark LoPresti