Quotes: Bad Liar

Don't lie, dear. But if you must, do it with conviction.
Ruth, Doc Martin ("Dry Your Tears")

Yossarian pushed his hand away. "Give up, Milo. People can't eat cotton."
Milo's face narrowed cunningly. "It isn't really cotton," he coaxed. "I was joking. It's really cotton candy, delicious cotton candy. Try it and see."
"Now you're lying."
"I never lie!" Milo rejoindered with proud dignity.
"You're lying now."
"I only lie when it's necessary."
Joseph Heller, Catch-22

Damien: ...You're horrible at lying.
Elliot: It's what I get for being the good guy.

Algernon (stammering): Bunbury doesn't live here. Bunbury is somewhere else at present. In fact, Bunbury is dead.
Lady Bracknell: Dead! When did Mr. Bunbury die? His death must have been extremely sudden.
Algernon (airily): Oh! I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died this afternoon.
Lady Bracknell: What did he die of?
Algernon: Bunbury? Oh, he was quite exploded.
Lady Bracknell: Exploded! Was he the victim of a revolutionary outrage? I was not aware that Mr. Bunbury was interested in social legislation. If so, he is well punished for his morbidity.
Algernon: My dear Aunt Augusta, I mean he was found out! The doctors found out that Bunbury could not live, that is what I mean—so Bunbury died.
Lady Bracknell: He seems to have had great confidence in the opinion of his physicians.

Yeah! That's the ticket!
Tommy Flanagan, The Pathological Liar, Saturday Night Live'

It's called a salt-lick.
Yeah but don't lick it, it's gross.
Did you lick it?
...I don't know.

Felicity: If it's an energy drink, why is it in a syringe?
Oliver: I ran out of sports bottles. (walks off)
Diggle: Your BS stories are getting worse.
Oliver: I'm well aware.
—> Arrow episode twelve, "Vertigo"

Brian Williams was forced to apologize after he got called out for lying about being in a helicopter that was hit by RPG fire in Iraq in 2003 and he got his wig snatched again when he was accused of lying about seeing a dead body float in the French Quarter during Hurricane Katrina. But I’m guessing the lying straw that broke the peacock’s back was Page Six accusing Brian of allegedly stretching the truth when he claimed that he saved two puppies from a burning house as a teenage volunteer firefighter. Who the hell lies about saving puppies from a fire?! Too far, Lyin’ Williams, too far. How dare he get adorable puppy friends tangled up in his web of lies!!! ...I know, if everybody got a vacation every time they told a lie at work, everyone would constantly be sunning their ass cheeks in the Caribbean. If NBC News really wants to make us all forget about this Brian Williams mess, they wouldn’t temporarily replace him with Lester Holt. They’d replace him with Donna Summer who’d sing the news to a disco beat as a topless and oiled-up Anderson Cooper go-go danced on the news desk. Now that’s how you shush a scandal. If only CNN would lend their Silver Fox out to the peacock.
Michael K., "Brian Williams Is Taking a Time Out For a Few Days"