"Lockjaw: the correct emergency procedure for disabling Brian Blessed."
"In the news this week, the polls continue to slide for Gordon Brown and some people are saying he's dead and buried. But I think the opposite - I say GORDON'S ALIVE!"
—BRIAN BLESSED, proving that if God had wanted him to be quiet, He'd have installed some kind of volume switch.
"Joining Paul, a comedian whose friend once told him if they're not laughing it's not comedy. Well, either that or you're just not SPEAKING LOUDLY ENOUGH!!"
—BRIAN BLESSED introduces Marcus Brigstocke
Ian Hislop: "You could've been in 300"
BRIAN BLESSED: "I could, I could, I'm too loud, I'm too loud for that, I'd scare all the Spartans - they were nancy boys, they were poofs"
—BRIAN BLESSED, proving how loud he is.
"And newspapers have been doing their bit to calm motorists with headlines like PETROL: WE'RE RUNNING OUT!, STRIKE! SPARKS! FUEL! SHORTAGE! FEARS!, WILL FUEL STOCKS RUN DRY?"
—BRIAN BLESSED, leveling a couple of city blocks while having an idle chat
"OH CALAMITY! OH HOWL, HOWL, HOWL!! BLBLBLBLBLB!! CRY HAVOC, AND LET SLIP THE DOGS OF WAR! I COULD HAVE FARTED THAT IN! THE GREAT STEAMING PILLOCK!!!"
—BRIAN BLESSED Giving Snooker Commentary. Seriously.
A TV outtakes show included a clip of a game show where BRIAN BLESSED was giving out a prize. Mighty BRIAN could not remember the name of the prize he was giving out, and, on prompting, roared the following:
PALM PILOT?! SOUNDS LIKE A WANKING MACHINE!
Recently he appeared on British TV programme All Star Mr & Mrs where he claimed that whilst mountain climbing, there had been an avalanche heading straight for him and his partner. He shouted at it and it changed direction.*
Jeremy Hardy: But all of these mountaineer people are just showing off, aren't they?
Sandi Toksvig: Oh yes. Brian Blessed once climbed Everest with a class of schoolchildren hiding in his beard.
"Brian Blessed is the living embodiment of a Caps Lock."
"Brian? What're you like when you're drunk?"
— Paul Merton