Quotes / Bears Are Bad News

"I do fear bears. They're giant, marauding, godless killing machines."

"A bear doesn't love! They don't think! They don't feel! They're thieves!"
Kenai, Brother Bear

"And, ladies and gentlemen, the number one threat to America... BEARS!"

''"A bear. Of course it's a bear. Why would I have thought it would be anything other than a bear."

Nick: That's a scary-ass bear!
Brad: That's, like, a Jaws-sized bear!
Nick: That's not even a bear. That's like a monster bear. What the fuck...
4Player Podcast, "Holy Crap That's a Bear!" upon seeing The Bear from Condemned 2: Bloodshot for the first time.

"Don't try to outrun one of Dominaria's Grizzlies; it'll catch you, knock you down, and eat you. Of course, you could run up a tree. In that case you'll get a nice view before it knocks down the tree and eats you."
Flavor Text for the Magic: The Gathering card Grizzly Bears; and they're pretty mediocre, as bears go

Spike: A bear! You made a bear!
Buffy: I didn't mean to!
Spike: Undo it! Undo it!

"'The thing about a bear', his father had always said, 'is that it can move as silently as breath. It could be watching you from ten paces away and you'd never know. Against a bear you have no defenses. You can't run faster. You can't climb higher. You can't fight it on your own. All you can do is learn its ways, and try to persuade it that you're neither threat nor prey.'"

"You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy."

>Walk into Gamestop.
>Purchase game.
>Walk back to car.
>Open case.
>Disc is a bear.
>Attack it with my claws.
>I am also a bear.
/v/'s most common variation of the FUCKING GAMESTOP meme.

"No Andalite accustomed to our more pacific animal life could possibly understand what a grizzly bear charge means. Even most humans would fail to imagine it. Grizzly bears are not lithe and graceful like the big cats. They are more like dogs. They move with a rolling, lopsided gait that at first seems almost tentative, as if they might stop at any moment.
"But then you begin to realize how large they are. And you begin to realize that, awkward or not, they are very fast. And you begin to realize that you are puny, pathetic, weak and insignificant. You begin to realize that this bear, this rolling, shaggy, unstoppable monster, can kill you from the mere impact of his shoulder hitting you."
Ax on Rachel's favourite combat morph, Animorphs, 'The Experiment'

"Bears, beets. . . Battlestar Galactica."
Jim Halpert's imitation of Dwight, The Office

"Being a gigantic bear is nature's way of saying, 'Fuck off!'"

Kathleen: I just have this completely rational fear of bears.Ē
Gramm: Explain.
Kathleen: Well, letís see. Why donít I list off everything that makes me afraid of bears, and weíll take off anything that seems unreasonable. Bears are very large, they have giant teeth and claws, they have been known to maul humans, they can crush a human skull in their jaws, and if they can be taught to dance, Iím pretty sure they can be taught to do kung-fu, and that would fuck you up.
LoadingReadyRun, from the episode OMG! Bears!

"Battle bears? B E A R S?"
George Takei, Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 outtakes, has the idea of the War Bear explained to him.

"Bears are crazy, Willie. They'll bite your head if you're wearing steak on it."
Space Ghost, Space Ghost Coast to Coast

"Bear? Is the bear back? We've already lost one intern!"
Bridgette, Total Drama World Tour, "Aftermath Aftermayhem"

Hobo: Well Abby, can I tell you something about bears?
Abby: Sure.
Hobo: The bear is a solitary animal. They like their space. They live in a magic circle. They don't mind if you're like a mile away, but if you get inside their circle, they will maul you. If a bear's claw would ever strike your face, it would take your whole face right off your skull... your eyes, your nose, your lips, everything.
Abby: Wow. Didn't know bears could be so vicious.

"H-he's like a bear! He's like a big shaved bear that hates people!"
The Scout from Team Fortress 2, describing the Heavy

"Acid was always my favorite drug. When we would do acid, we'd go out into the woods, because there was less chance of running into an authority figure—but we ran into a bear, and that was an even bigger buzzkill..."

"Number one, it's a bear. Number two, it's a bear. Number three, and probably most important... HOLY SHIT, YOU FUCKING IDIOT! IT'S A GODDAMNED BEAR!"
Nash, What the Fuck Is Wrong with You?, pointing out the flaws in a man's crazed attempt to murder his ex-girlfriend.

"Kid can't hunt a grizzly, thing'll eat him alive."
John Marston, Red Dead Redemption

"This is bad news."
Toriko, the One Piece X Toriko crossover, meeting one-horned bears.

"Honestly, if a stranger were to fuck with a bear, that'd probably be the last time you heard from that stranger anyway."

"I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears—bears are godless killing machines!"

"Iím pretty sure the survival strategy for a polar bear encounter is "donít encounter a polar bear"."
Dan Shive, El Goonish Shive

"Watch out for bears...To them, you are spaghetti dinner."
— The main theme to Perfect Hair Forever

"We just got the test results back from Japanese Bear Dad. It's a disaster! Bears are scary! No child wants to be raised by bears!"
— The network executive from the Perfect Hair Forever episode "Woke Up Drunk"

"Never trust a... BEAR!!"
Tresdin the Legion Commander, Dota 2, on defeating bear-like heroes.

"Your battleship is ours. Your bodyguards are dead. Youíre surrounded. And we have a bear."
Shepard, Vigil

"Stranger Danger: keep your eyes down, there's a sort of bear over there. Probably selling something."
Mr. Brown, Paddington