Quotes / Awesome McCoolname

Max Power, he's the man whose name you'd love to touch...
But, you
mustn't touch!
His name sounds good in your ear
But when you say it, you mustn't fear
Because his name can be said by anyone!"
Max Power (aka Homer) note , sung to the tune of Goldfinger, The Simpsons, "Homer to the Max"

Zeus Carver: Why you keep calling me Jesús? Do I look Puerto Rican to you?
John McClane: Guy back there called you Jesús.
Zeus Carver: He didn't say Jesús. He said, "Hey, Zeus!" My name is Zeus.
John McClane: Zeus?
Zeus Carver: Yeah, Zeus! As in, father of Apollo? Mount Olympus? "Don't-fuck-with-me-or-I'll-shove-a-lightning-bolt-up-your-ass" Zeus! You got a problem with that?
John McClane: No, I don't have a problem with that.

Hi China
Hi dipshit
Can you call us something other than 'dipshit'?
Like what?
How about 'Sunriseland' (Japan)?
— History Of Japan, by bill wurtz

Kick Buttowski! Nah Nah Nah! Kick Buttowski! Buttowski!

Max Payne. I envy your name.
Frank "The Bat" Niagra, Max Payne

Lilith: Wait, "Mister Torgue" is your first name? What's your last name?
Mister Torgue: FLEXINGTON!

"Buck Plankchest!"
"Stump Chunkman!"
"Dirk Hardpec!"
"Rip Steakface!"
"Slate Slabrock!"
"Blast Hardcheese!"
"Crud Bonemeal!"
— The cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000 having a grand time with Space Mutiny

Thomas Ian Griffith plays Chicago cop Jack Wild. (Of course he fucking does.)
The Cinema Snob, Crackerjack

Hello, I'm Chesterfield Snapdragon-McFisticuff.
Brad Sherwood, Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Look, I know it has everything to do with the fact that her due date was between October 24th and November 22nd, but just let me believe! Scorpio Downey is a hot name! ...Not to mention it works perfectly with the other two kids’ names. Indio, Exton, and Scorpio – how dramatic! It sounds like the most successful law firm in Hell, which is always what you should be going for when you name your kids, right?
Michael K., "Robert Downey, Jr. Is A Dad Again"

Hawkeye! Why is Hawkeye so cool? His costume isn’t cool. Light blue and purple chain mail accented by suspenders? His gimmick isn’t that cool... No, what makes Hawkeye cool is his name. Clint Barton. Compared to all the namby-pamby alliterative alter egos – Matt Murdock, Bruce Banner, Reed Richards — Clint Barton is absolutely wicked. That sounds like a superhero already, screw the call sign. If my name was Clint Barton and somebody tried calling me Hawkeye, I’d shove my boot so far up his ass he could taste the purple.

Genghis Khan was born in Central Mongolia in the year 1162 CE under the name 'Timujin', meaning 'Iron Man' and you know that when your parents name you after a Black Sabbath song you're going to be trouble.

Some 'Ghosts' are beating up a guy. Their leader is B.C., played by the awesomely-named Frank Military! That just conjures up the image of a squad of tanks saying, 'Allow me to be blunt...'

This would be Benedict Slade. I guess “Slade” sounded more American than “Scrooge” to the producers of this film. I’d question that, but really, these same yahoos put Fonzie in old man makeup and told him to act mean, so their bizarre name choices are kinda normal in comparison. Just accept them, move along, or we’ll be here til next Christmas.

Marcus then meets with Blair, played by an actress with the world's coolest name: Moon Bloodgood. How was she not born a vampire?

Powers Boothe... The first name especially leaves the reader wondering, "'What kind of powers? Mind control? Flight? Laser-beam eyes? It's laser-beam eyes, isn't it?'

I would just like to point out that I'm changing my name to Awesome McBadass Power Fist.

'Zoltan' is a common Hungarian name, it’s my wife’s maiden name and most importantly, it’s the name of Dracula’s dog.

Jack: ..."Shoot Gunner"? Really?
GG: Who translated this game? Roxy Lalonde?
Vivian: ...Maybe he's related to Stab Swordo?

Mike: [naming his new D&D character] Jim Darkmagic.
Scott: What? Why don't you just name yourself Chet Awesomelaser?

Rider Strong ‏@RiderStrong Really great parents
RT @RachelTacker': Shawn's name from Boy Meets World is Rider Strong...
Who would name their child that — #thinkaboutit

"The second [woman] wanted to be called Nuée Duskrose—she might as well have carried a sign: NOT MY REAL NAME."
—Mehitabel Parr, The Mirador

Barack Obama! A black man! With a black name! I know that ain't that black here [in Johannesburg, South Africa], but in America that's about as black as a name could get. Barack Obama! That's right next to Dikembe Mutombo. That's right. Barack, man, he don't let his blackness sneak up on you. Y'know, if his name was Bob Jones or something, it might take you two or three weeks to realize he black. But as soon as you hear "Barack Obama"...you expect to see a brother with a spear! Just standin' on top of a dead lion! Barack Obama! You expect to see the bass player from The Commodores come out! (sings and mimes playing bass) 'Too hot ta trot, now, baby, too hot ta trot, bay-by!' I'm not talkin' about Lionel Richie, I'm talkin' about them shiny niggas behind him!
Chris Rock, Kill the Messenger

"Very few people are likely to dispute the fact that Warhawk Tanzania, star of the absolutely stupefying Devil's Express, has one of the greatest names of all time."

In 1980, the New York Islanders traded Billy Harris and Dave Lewis to the Kings for center Butch Goring, a move that to this day is referred to as the “gold standard” of trade deadline deals. I mean … it’s the name, right? “Butch Goring.” That’s pretty badass. It sounds like a name George Carlin would have made up for his NRA bit. So I’m going to assume that’s why we’re all still raving about a trade involving a solid but not especially spectacular veteran. (...) Would we remember this deal as fondly if his name had been Percival Cuddlepants? Probably not.

Deadpool: [as a teenager walks up to join Colossus] And you are...?
Teenager: Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
Deadpool: Negasonic Teenage... What the shit?! That is the coolest name ever!

Joe: Here are your names... (pointing to each respective member) Mr. Brown, Mr. White, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Pink.
Mr. Pink: Why am I Mr. Pink?
Joe: Because, you're a faggot, alright?!
Mr. Pink: Why can't we pick our own colors?
Joe: No way, no way. Tried it once, doesn't work. You got four guys all fighting over who's gonna be Mr. Black, but they don't know each other, so nobody wants to back down. No way. I pick. You're Mr. Pink. Be thankful you're not Mr. Yellow.
Mr. Brown: Yeah, but Mr. Brown? That's a little too close to Mr. Shit.
Mr. Pink: Mr. Pink sounds like Mr. Pussy. How 'bout if I'm Mr. Purple? That sounds good to me. I'll be Mr. Purple.
Joe: You're not Mr. Purple. Some guy on some other job is Mr. Purple. You're Mr. PINK!
Mr. White: Who cares what your name is?
Mr. Pink: Yeah, that's easy for your to say, you're Mr. White. You have a cool-sounding name. Alright look, if it's no big deal to be Mr. Pink, you wanna trade?
Joe: Hey! Nobody's trading with anybody. This ain't a goddamn, fucking city council meeting, you know. Now listen up, Mr. Pink. There's two ways you can go on this job: my way or the highway. Now what's it gonna be, Mr. Pink?
Mr. Pink: Jesus Christ, Joe, fucking forget about it. It's beneath me. I'm Mr. Pink. Let's move on.

"Tiberius McBoss. If that doesn't get you into the Academy of Manly Bastards, nothing will."

"Your name will be Admiral Wolverine Lightningbolt, because those are the three coolest words in our language.
Billy, The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy to an unidentified alien creature he takes as a pet.