"Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets."
"You're a beautiful woman, probably."
"It's like I've eaten spam a few times from a few popular brands and in a few serving suggestions, and found I'm not really keen on spam, 'cos it's salty and slimy and looks like something you might find in the alien queen's litter box. But I've found myself in a world that's completely obsessed with spam. People spend their entire lives in pursuit of spam. Every single advert on TV sells their product by placing it alongside spam. Movies have to work in at least one spam scene to reach the broadest audience. People break up and get divorced because they don't exchange enough spam. Soldiers are given time out to go have some spam. Low-risk prisoners are given spam visiting rights. People die for spam. Entire economies have been based around spam. Selling spam is the world's oldest profession. The lack of spam has been linked to mental disorders. The only thing getting teenagers through difficult puberty is the thought of one day getting to have spam of their very own. It's just tinned meat, guys."
"You have all the sexuality of one of those pandas down at the zoo who refuses to mate."
I don't think Arthur's gay. I think he's A.
"That's it. I'm asexual."
Which sounds better? Sex or cake?" She snorted. "That's a no-brainer. What could be better than cake?"