Quotes / Armor Is Useless

Hector: A man died while wearing it!
Artimaeus: ...Hector, it's a suit of armor. Men who wear them tend to do that.

— Tales of the Questor

The moment of a Viking's death is chosen by fate. So what use have they of armor? Or of fear?

—The Raider, For Honor

"I believe there is never a long gauntlett sent, let Hill make one with all speede he can possibly; for it will kill a man to serve in a whole cuirass. I am resolved to use nothing but back, brest and gauntlet; if I had a Pott for the Head that were pistoll proofe it may be that I would use it if it were light, but my whole helmet will be of no use to me at all."

—Sir Edmund Verney, Knight Marshall of the King's Palace in a letter to his son, 1639.^note Ironically he would be killed in the Battle of Edgehill in 1642 as a consequence him deciding—because he was torn between his conscience supporting the parliamentarians and his duty belonging to the king—to go into battle with no arms or armor, instead bearing the Royal Standard. His body was never found, only his severed hand which was identified by a ring on it. Verney's heavily armoured comrade, the Earl of Northampton, could not be killed until his helmet was removed.

"Following standard JRPG logic, that guy has no armor, and is therefore the most powerful person in the world."

—Unskippable: on Arc Rise Fantasia

"Uuh, this papier-mache armor is useless!"

— Hapless Fire Nation soldier, Avatar: The Abridged Series

"No man charges into battle without helm and shield for the sake of a few sheep, no, not even if it is his wife that has been stolen."

— The Long Ships

"Guys in full plate armor think they are soooo tough until you push them down a hill."

— Max Facepuncher, on Twitter.

"Little does he realize that I have on my disintegration-proof vest! You may fire when ready, Grisly!"

— Duck Dodgers^note about to provide a graphic example of this trope. The vest is disintegration-proof. It does not protect its wearer from disintegration. Being a cartoon, Dodgers recovers in short order., Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century

"Hopefully those guards have good armor... No they don't. Maybe they do...? They don't."

— Tobuscus as Ezio kills four guards in plate armor with one shot each

"This armor is useless, why do we even wear it?!"

— Imperial stormtrooper (upon having his armor pierced by arrows), Family Guy: It's a Trap!

"Your friend is dead, and Meryn Trant's not. Because Trant had armor, and a big fucking sword."

— The Hound, Game of Thrones

"My eyes! The goggles do nothing!"

— Rainier Wolfcastle, The Simpsons

"This tight-fitting cuirass
Is but a useless mass;
It's made of steel and weighs a deal,
This tight-fitting cuirass
Is but a useless mass.
A man is but an ass,
Who fights in a curiass,
So off—goes the cuirass!"

— Arac, "This Helmet I Suppose"; from Gilbert and Sullivan's Princess Ida

"The knight in shining armour is cool and all, but the archetype that imprinted itself in my soul at that formative age wasn’t Sir Lancelot, or William the Marshall; it was Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi. And the only armour in the Star Wars universe seems to be worn by the villains. Plus, it’s completely useless anyway, as teddy bears with slingshots can get through it."

— Guy Windsor, historical fencing instructor

"We're wearing armor and those Ewoks are still killing us!"

— Imperial stormtrooper, How Return of the Jedi Should Have Ended

"Well, helmet has the word Hell in it. And I don't know about you, sonny, but I ain't no sinner. When my time comes, I'm on my way to Heaven. So, I won't be putting one of those demons contraptions on my head."

— Pibb, from Adam Sandler's Pibb

"Our recent defeat has taught us this: Armor does nothing. As we see in this painting. A fully armored warrior, stabbed straight through the breastplate. By a toddler with a stick."

— Oglaf, New Model Army

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