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Quotes: Amusing Injuries

"Don't hit Thomas like that. Hit him like this, it's funnier. And using the sledgehammer is strangely therapeutic."

"Hi Haley. Look, I found all these free swords. They were in my spleen."

Kreese: Howard, I hate that prick. When we fought, that dirty bastard kicked me with his spurs and tore my scrotum.
Howard: Hmm.
Kreese: You know, my nuts unraveled like two balls of yarn - you know how fuckin' long two balls of yarn is?

"IT JUST HURTS SO DAMN MUCH! AAAAH!!"
Dale Gribble, wrestling with his son again, King of the Hill

"Sam! Guess what Florence does when you pull her tail!"
Helix, holding up his ripped-out arm, Freefall page 24

It's only funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.
anonymous

Let's go around those. I'd rather not see you ride off a cliff. [beat] Okay, yes, I would like to see that, but it'd still be really inconvenient.
Garovel, The Zombie Knight

Yang: Whoop, sorry, D. You okay?
Darrel: I'm okay... it's just my bones... and muscles... and organs... and I think my clavicle is currently trying to jostle my spleen.
Yang: Soooo... is that a yes?

Hilda: Drop it, freak!
[fires a BFG taser at X-Ray, electrocuting him and reducing him to a pile of ash, eyes and a mouth]
X-Ray: Ow. You're welcome... citizen.
Vav: Are you alright, ma'am?
X-Ray: Yeah, don't worry about your friend. Just third-degree burns all over my body.