->You vote where you shoot.
-->--Slogan of the UsefulNotes/AmericanCivilWar

[[folder:Film -- Live-Action]]

->How can you refuse to fund my research? or not invite me to participate in yours? You National Institutes of Health received my first request for money 2 years ago. It took you 1 year [[VastBureaucracy just to print out application forms]]. It's taken you 3 years for my first reported case just to show up here for a look. And the [[TheScrooge paltry amount of money you are forcing us to beg for]] out of the $4 billion you receive every year to ''protect the health of the American people'' won't come to anyone before only God knows when. A promising virus has been discovered in France. Why do you refuse to cooperate with the French? Why are we told ''not to cooperate'' with the French? Just so you can steal a Nobel Prize while something is being passed around that causes death?
-->--'''Dr. Bruckner''', ''Theatre/TheNormalHeart''

->American politics. Governors, Senators, Congressmen... [[DemocracyIsBad No wonder nothing ever gets done.]]
-->--'''Zartan''', ''[[GIJoeTheRiseOfCobra GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra]]''

->'''Rick Davis:''' Listen, I too wish that the American people would choose the future Abraham Lincoln or Thomas Jefferson, but unfortunately, that's not the way it works anymore. Now [[ScrewTheRulesImBeautiful it takes movie-star charisma]] to get elected President, and [[UsefulNotes/BarackObama Obama]] and [[UsefulNotes/SarahPalin Palin]], that's what they are -- they're stars.\\
'''Steve Schmidt:''' Primary difference being Sarah Palin [[BrainlessBeauty can't name a Supreme Court decision]], whereas Barack Obama was a constitutional law professor.\\
'''Davis:''' Fuck you.

[[folder:Live-action TV]]

->I've paid approximately million and a half dollars in income tax over the past twenty-five years. If I get sick, they oughta have a nurse come to my house and blow me for free!
-->--'''Wrestling/JimCornette''' on American health care

->This administration doesn't even need an opposition party, do you know that? We do fine by ourselves.
-->--'''Toby Ziegler''', ''Series/TheWestWing''

->The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons; they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
-->--'''Jay Leno'''

->It was one of the funniest/strangest/most disgusting and confusing things I've ever seen in my life.
-->--'''Rachel Maddow''' after the 2012 Republican National Convention


[[folder:Stand-up Comedy]]

->We have a two-party system: the Democratic Party, which is a party of no ideas, and the Republican Party, which is a party of bad ideas. And the way it works is -- the Republican stands up in Congress and goes, [[AC:"I got a really bad idea!"]] And the Democrat says, [[AC:'And I can make it shittier!']]
-->-- '''Creator/LewisBlack''', ''Black on Broadway''

->You want politics in America? I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. ''"I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs." "I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking." "Hey, wait a minute, [[TheManBehindTheMan there's one guy holding out both puppets!]]"''
-->-- '''Creator/BillHicks''', ''"Rant in E-Minor"''



->''You see, we piddle, twiddle, and resolve\\
Not one damn thing do we solve\\
Piddle, twiddle, and resolve\\
Nothing's ''ever'' solved in\\
[[AddedAlliterativeAppeal Foul, fetid, fuming, foggy, filthy]]\\
-->-- '''John Adams''', ''[[SeventeenSeventySix 1776]]''

->''"Forward, America! Forward! ...to the hallowed principles of our forefathers! Forward! ...to the sweet tranquility of the status quo! Forward! ...to '''''[[NostalgiaFilter yesterday!]]'''''"''
-->--'''Sen. Billboard Rawkins''', ''Theatre/FiniansRainbow''


[[folder:live-action tv]]

->The Tea Party -- sort of like [[UsefulNotes/BritishPoliticalSystem UKIP]] with guns.
-->--'''Ian Hislop''', ''Series/HaveIGotNewsForYou''

->Former House Majority Leader Eric Cantor has taken a new job at a Wall Street investment bank. Now he can finally have some influence in Congress.

->As heirs to a legacy more than two centuries old, it is understandable why present-day Americans would take their democracy for granted. A president freely chosen from a wide-open field of two men every four years; a Congress with a 99% incumbency rate; a Supreme Court comprised of nine politically appointed judges whose only oversight is the icy scythe of Death--all these reveal a system fully capable of maintaining itself. But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember that ... dozens of foreign countries still long for a democracy such as ours to be imposed on them.
-->-- '''[[Series/TheDailyShow Jon Stewart]]''' et al, ''America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy [[PunBasedTitle Inaction]]''


[[folder:video games]]

->It's all a show. 'Democracy' is just a filler for textbooks! Think about it! Do you actually believe that public opinion influences the government?
-->--'''President James Johnson''', ''VideoGame/MetalGearSolid2SonsOfLiberty''

->'''[[NoCelebritiesWereHarmed Alex Shrub]]''': If you read the Constitution, it's a sacred document that ''should not be changed.'' Under our constitution, women couldn't vote! But then the liberals come in cryin' crocodile tears... We need to get scare-mongers and non-believers--men like ''you'' Chavez--under control! I've got a good mind to get your funding removed.\\
'''Maurice Chavez''': [[ThreatBackfire We don't get any funding.]]\\
'''Alex''': Exactly! Uh... Good! Heh, you won't see a penny out of me!
-->--'''''Pressing Issues''''', Radio/GTARadio


[[folder:web animation]]

->I think conservatives in America have been hoist by their own petard. They just kept knocking down any chance of gun legislation and effectively forced America to accept that the massacres are [[ViceCity just something it's gonna have to accept]] now and again! And then they wonder why no one seems concerned with seeking revenge for 9/11 anymore.
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/EnemyFront'' and ''VideoGame/ValiantHearts''


[[folder:web original]]

->Every political revolution in America consists now of one party just trying to undo all the shit the other political party did. No actual law has been preserved in this country since, like, 1968.
-->--'''[[http://www.gq.com/blogs/the-feed/2014/11/make-it-stop-midterm-edition.html Drew Magary]]''', ''Make It Stop''

->'''Neoconservative:''' Originally used to describe left-wingers [[DefectorFromDecadence who crossed the floor]], neocons are on the authoritarian right, rather than the traditionally conservative libertarian right. They tend to be very pro-war and adopt the mentality of "We're better than you and we know it."\\\
Some more vulgar people call them Neocunts.

->''America Speaking Out ''is a website created in 2010 by the U.S. Republican Party to solicit citizen input. The site is buggy, runs very slowly, often rejects posts as inappropriate because they contain words like [[PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad 'basement', 'satisfied', 'growth', 'enlargement', or 'excited']]...This atrocious example of PoesLaw flypaper was paid for with tax dollars.

->There was a time when calling the president un-American was a beyond-the-pale transgression; now it’s not even news when a [[YouMayPanicNow news anchor]] or an [[ChewbaccaDefense elected official]] does it. [John] Birchian conspiracies once left to fester at the lunatic fringe of our politics have encroached onto center stage.
-->--'''Elbert Ventura'''

->Even from before his run for lieutenant governor Jackson was known for his Biblically inspired campaigns ''in favor of'' greed. “Money magnifies the character of an individual,” said Jackson, arguing that charity shouldn't go to the poor but instead upward, to the wealthy, since they are the “job creators”. In his book he even suggests -- not particularly surprisingly -- that giving your money directly ''to him'' if you start feeling a deep connection to God, and that doing so will convince God to let you “prosper”. He has also taken a firm stand against federal disaster relief since such relief turns government into God, the idea being presumably that disasters are God’s just punishment anyways and it would be very ungodly (playing God or questioning His judgment) to help the disaster victims.\\\
That should of course have made him all set for the aforementioned run for lieutenant governor.
-->--''[[http://americanloons.blogspot.com/2013/11/794-ew-jackson.html Encyclopedia of American Loons]]'' on E.W. Jackson

->Think about everything you hear about Washington in the news: The disingenuous, corrupt, racist white jerkoffs bankrupting the country. The gutless fucks who say that there's 'no simple solution' to people with AR-15s shooting up public places... but legislate [[HeteronormativeCrusader what gay people can order at Chipotle]]. The defense lobbyists and 'think tank' fucks who never grew out of [[GeneralFailure playing with toy soldiers]], who go home at the end of each day to their house in Reston and jack off thinking about [[WhiteMansBurden dropping bombs on brown people.]]\\\
Think about all that, and then imagine the sports franchise they deserve.\\\
Voila. Redskins.
-->--'''''Deadspin''''', [[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-washington-redskins-1629678313 "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Washington Redskins"]]

->'''Chris''': Somewhere in [[FlyoverCountry Middle America]], a bunch of schoolchildren are watching the nuclear arms conference [[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids (?!)]], and their teacher, who looks to be about sixteen years old, suggests they write to their congressman. In response, young Jeremy stands up and, in a speech that is hilariously overdubbed and way deeper than you’re expecting, demands that they write to Superman instead.\\
'''David''': It does seem like an idea that a kid would have, just not stated so eloquently. I do love what a facile idea writing to someone’s Congressman is, though. “Let’s teach these children disappointment and the ineffectiveness of government at an early age!”
-->--Chris Sims and David Uzumeri [[http://comicsalliance.com/comicsalliance-reviews-superman-iv-the-quest-for-peace-1987-2/ on]] ''Film/SupermanIVTheQuestForPeace''

->Our electoral system really begins to resemble {{professional wrestling}} the more you look at it. John Kerry, a popular, long-serving Senator from Massachusetts turned into [[OpenMouthInsertFoot a bumbling idiot]] when he ran against fellow Bonesman George Bush in 2004. You could almost read from the script he was following.\\\
Another popular Massachusetts pol, Mitt Romney, played the [[TheScrooge mustache-twirling evil rich guy]] role to the hilt in 2012, despite having served in an overwhelmingly Democratic state as a classic Northeast moderate. He even went so far to run against Obamacare, which was modeled on his own (successful) health care program! He too seemed ordered to take the big dive and ensured he would lose by enlisting Creator/AynRand radical Rep. Paul Ryan, whose budget plans scared all of the seniors and others dependent on Social Security. Otherwise, like Kerry, there's a good chance he would have won...Again, it's like some script is being followed.
-->--'''[[http://secretsun.blogspot.com/2014/11/a-very-sirius-election-pretending-that.html Christopher Loring Knowles]]''', "A Very Sirius Election -- Pretending The Wars Are Done"

->America has no landed aristocracy. We are shallowly rooted in our own soil, a [[WalkingTheEarth highly mobile people]], and we cannot delude ourselves about an organic connection with the land as the descendants of the displaced original inhabitants still live among us. And our family arrangements, well, let’s just say that absolute patriarchal authority doesn’t have pride of place these days.\\\
So what could possibly motivate [[{{Blackshirt}} monarchical yearnings]] among American conservatives? A fear that the American people have failed and needs to be [[HobbesWasRight properly directed]] by the right people. A fear that existing privilege [[EatTheRich cannot be maintained]] without explicit resort to violence as a political principle. A [[IRejectYourReality resolute inability]] to identify with the majority of the citizenry, the abiding conviction that one is a member of the [[AuthorityInNameOnly natural but unrecognized elite]].
-->--'''[[http://www.theamericanconservative.com/millman/monarchists-neo-reactionaries-and-neo-fascism/ Noah Millman]]''', "Monarchists, Neo-Reactionaries and Neo-Fascism"

->Unlike the Democrats, who never stray far from career politicians when selecting a presidential candidate, Republicans always seem to be looking for some sort of otherworldly savior to waltz in and take the country by storm. Someone unsullied by, you know, much (if any) actual experience in holding office, winning elections, and governing on a daily basis. Though GOP voters typically end up selecting major-state governors ([[UsefulNptes/RonaldReagan Reagan]], [[UsefulNotes/GeorgeWBush Bush II]]) or long-serving, partly mummified senators (Dole, [=McCain=]), they spend a hell of a lot time in primary season dancing with some pretty strange suitors.\\\
Perhaps it’s the analogue to the longstanding and still-potent jibe that Republicans don’t really want to govern. They disdain the political process to such a degree that it takes them forever to pull the switch for a politician. Even the 2012 nominee Mitt Romney was touted more for his supposed business acumen as a turnaround specialist at Bain Capital than he was for his record as governor of Massachusetts. I’d argue, too, that Romney’s refusal to stand for reelection as governor in 2006 mirrored his party’s damaging dislike of politics. If you want to be president [[PointyHairedBoss but can’t be bothered to actually learn how to govern,]] well good luck with that.
-->--'''[[http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/01/29/the-gop-s-long-love-affair-with-schmucks.html Nick Gillespie]]'''

->Rand Paul and Sharon Angle and Pat Toomey. Political monsters that make the [[RonaldReagan Reagan]]-[[MargaretThatcher Thatcher]] axis of the 1980s -- the politics so bad that they formed the dystopic vision of {{Cyberpunk}} in the minds of artists -- look like cuddly kittens. Far-right wing Republicans of the 1980s are now ostracized from the party as [[NoTrueScotsman excessively moderate]], downright liberal. This is a death god too...The only possible salvation is this -- that the eschaton moves so quickly now that by Wednesday they will already be out of power.
-->--'''[[http://projectnes.blogspot.com/2010/10/great-pumpkin-cyberball-and-cybernoid.html Dr. Phil Sandifer]]'''

->If we are to insist that everyone is entitled to whatever he can obtain in a free market, then at least we ought to try having a free market. And a free market cannot tolerate some of the most common historical features of capitalism: aggressive land theft on a massive scale, arbitrary regulatory and licensure systems that function as high cost barriers to market entry and preclude opportunities for self-employment, various direct and indirect subsidies that redistribute wealth to connected firms, and a government-created system of financial laws and institutions which produces the Wall Street cartel we have today. It turns out, then, that capitalism doesn’t quite square with what libertarians really want when we endorse free markets. We’re not as close to a free market system as even many libertarians like to pretend. It is not a matter of making a few tweaks and free market reforms here and there, of privatizing a few governmental monopolies and deregulating a few industries. Rather to get there from here would mean a thoroughgoing, systematic departure from the capitalistic tyranny we have and have had for a long time, a system which indeed is the direct successor of statist systems before from feudalism to mercantilism.
-->--'''[[http://c4ss.org/content/30305 David S'Amato]]''', "Left Wing Individualism"

->Jesus Christ once told his followers: ''No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. - Luke 16:13.''\\\
Increasingly, the religious right is trying to do exactly that, intertwining Evangelical fundamentalism with unfettered capitalism — with disastrous results for the environment. Thus, American political life is increasingly dominated by Christians who reject the religious ethos, in favor of capitalist ethos...Conservative Evangelicals are not concerned with dwindling biodiversity, the destruction of ecosystem, rampant pollution, global warming and the numerous other environmental challenges we face. Rather they, with the business community, are concerned with the bottom line. The future is irrelevant (unless we’re talking about government debt).
-->--'''[[http://www.alternet.org/belief/5-biblical-concepts-fundamentalists-just-dont-understand?page=0%2C1 Sean McElwee]]''', "5 Biblical Concepts Fundamentalists Just Don’t Understand"


[[folder:real life]]

->Washington, D.C. is Hollywood for ugly people.
-->-- '''Unknown origin'''

->Sir, I agree to this Constitution, with all its faults, — if they are such; because I think a general Government necessary for us, and there is no form of government but what may be a blessing to the people, if well administered; and I believe, farther, that this is likely to be well administered for a course of years, and can only end in despotism, as other forms have done before it, when the people shall become so corrupted as to need despotic government, [[HobbesWasRight being incapable of any other.]]
-->--'''UsefulNotes/BenjaminFranklin''', speech to the Constitutional Convention (1787)

->I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him '[[IHaveNoSon father]]'.
-->-- '''Will Rogers'''

->The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money.
-->--'''Alexis de Tocqueville'''

->Democracy is beautiful in theory; in practice it is a fallacy. [[NotSoDifferent You in America will see that some day.]]

->The argument that the two parties should represent opposed ideals and policies, one, perhaps, of the Right and the other of the Left, is a foolish idea acceptable only to the doctrinaire and academic thinkers. Instead, the two parties should be almost identical, so that the American people can 'throw the rascals out' at any election without leading to any profound or extreme shifts in policy... Either party in office becomes in time corrupt, tired, unenterprising, and vigorless. Then it should be possible to replace it, every four years if necessary, by the other party, which will be none of these things but will still pursue, with new vigor, approximately [[NewEraSpeech the same basic policies.]]
-->--'''Carroll Quigley''', ''Tragedy and Hope: A History of the World in Our Time''

-> '''Dan Rather''': ''"Well, here they are. Your candidates for President, every one of them as dumb as a porcupine stuck to a watermelon. These are the types of idiots we produce for public office. Do your duty in November: move away."''
-->-- Jed Shaffer, ''Rewriting The Book: [[http://www.wrestlecrap.com/more/rewriting/what-if-i-just-did-a-bunch-of-random-what-ifs/ What If the Presidential Race was Flooded with Wrestling Personalities?]]''

->The hatred Americans have for their own government is pathological, if understandable. At one level it is simply thwarted greed: [[MoneyFetish since our religion is making a buck]], giving a part of that buck to any government is an act against nature.

->The United States is a nation of laws: [[LawfulStupid badly written and randomly enforced.]]
-->--''Zen Masters: The Wisdom of Music/FrankZappa''

->Why am I forced to walk the Earth with this conscience? Maybe, if there's such a thing as reincarnation, I can come back down to Earth and just trample all over people without giving a damn about anyone but myself. That would be awesome. That's it -- in my next life, I'm coming back as a conservative.
-->-- '''Wrestling/MickFoley''', ''The Hardcore Diaries''

->Traffic costs our drivers over $100 billion annually. Airport delays cost another $22 billion. Or we could get to work on education. If graduation rates don’t increase, we will have a shortage of 5 million workers by 2020 — not because we lack the manpower, but because the jobs will require education that our students aren’t receiving. We could clean up our air: MIT researchers found that pollution kills more than 200,000 Americans every year — more than traffic accidents, homicides, suicides and our wars in Iraq and Afghanistan combined. There are so many real problems that need solving.\\\
But [[TheScapegoat distracting, divisive laws]] like the one Indiana initially passed aren’t just bad for the country, they’re also bad for our party...We must be the party that originally attracted this young Austrian immigrant.
-->--'''Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger''' on Indiana's Religious Freedom Law

->Hurricane Katrina has just hit New Orleans, what do you do? If you said "[[MissingStepsPlan privatize public schools]]", you might just be a conservative.
-->--'''Naomi Klein''', ''The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism''

->In [[CanadaEh Canadian]] politics, comparing universal medicine to [[GodwinsLaw a Nazi plot]] gets you thrown out of the party. In the United States, [[AchievementsInIgnorance it makes you the front-runner.]]
-->--'''Jonathan Kay'''

->Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is that, in a democracy, the whores are ''us.''
-->-- '''P. J. O'Rourke'''

->I think the [[UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan Reagan administration]] was sort of a peek into the future...Here's a brilliant thought that nobody had ever had before, as far as I know: let's make elections completely symbolic activities. The population can keep voting, we'll give them all the business, they'll have electoral campaigns, all the hoopla, two candidates, eight candidates--but the people they're voting for will then just be expected to [[PuppetKing read off a teleprompter]] and they won't be expected to know anything except what somebody tells then, and sometimes not even that.
-->--'''Noam Chomsky''', ''Understanding Power''