"It's all a show. 'Democracy' is just a filler for textbooks! Think about it! Do you actually believe that public opinion influences the government?"
—President James Johnson, Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty
"American politics. Governors, Senators, Congressmen... No wonder nothing ever gets done."
—Zartan, GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra
"Washington, D.C. is Hollywood for ugly people."
— Unknown origin
"I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father'."
— Will Rogers
"Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is that, in a democracy, the whores are us."
— P. J. O'Rourke
”The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
—Alexis de Tocqueville
"Democracy is beautiful in theory; in practice it is a fallacy. You in America will see that some day."
Dan Rather: "Well, here they are. Your candidates for President, every one of them as dumb as a porcupine stuck to a watermelon. These are the types of idiots we produce for public office. Do your duty in November: move away."
— Jed Shaffer, Rewriting The Book: What If the Presidential Race was Flooded with Wrestling Personalities?
"The hatred Americans have for their own government is pathological, if understandable. At one level it is simply thwarted greed: since our religion is making a buck, giving a part of that buck to any government is an act against nature."
"The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced."
—'Zen Masters: The Wisdom of Frank Zappa
"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
"You want politics in America? I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. 'I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.' 'I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking.' 'Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!'"
— Bill Hicks, "Rant in E-Minor"
"It was one of the funniest/strangest/most disgusting and confusing things I've ever seen in my life."
—Rachel Maddow after the 2012 Republican National Convention
"We have a two-party system: the Democratic Party, which is a party of no ideas, and the Republican Party, which is a party of bad ideas. And the way it works is — the Republican stands up in Congress and goes, "I got a really bad idea!" And the Democrat says, 'And I can make it shittier!'"
— Lewis Black, Black on Broadway
"As heirs to a legacy more than two centuries old, it is understandable why present-day Americans would take their democracy for granted. A president freely chosen from a wide-open field of two men every four years; a Congress with a 99% incumbency rate; a Supreme Court comprised of nine politically appointed judges whose only oversight is the icy scythe of Death—all these reveal a system fully capable of maintaining itself. But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember that ... dozens of foreign countries still long for a democracy such as ours to be imposed on them."
"There’s an odd tendency among out-of-power political parties to spend a while doubling down on ideological purity in openly self-destructive ways. In the US it’s happening lately with the Republican Party, which, after losing the 2008 election by a landslide to a center-left candidate began insisting that their real problem was that John McCain wasn’t conservative enough, a theory that assumes a large block of voters who, frustrated at McCain’s lack of conservatism, decided to vote for an even less conservative candidate."
"Clearly, the RNC were in need of some rebranding, so they elected Michael Steele as the first black chair, hoping to wash away a bit of the 'racist old white guy' stink...But it wasn't enough to just elevate a black man to a position of power — Steele had an entire campaign mapped out in which he planned to apply Republican principles to an 'urban-suburban hip-hop setting' in a way that was both 'off the hook' and 'avant-garde'... Those are not terrible parody quotes. Those are actual, from his mouth quotes. The first black man in the premier position of power within the RNC, and they immediately started in with the rapping-grandma routine."