Dan Rather: "Well, here they are. Your candidates for President, every one of them as dumb as a porcupine stuck to a watermelon. These are the types of idiots we produce for public office. Do your duty in November: move away."
— Jed Shaffer, Rewriting The Book: What If the Presidential Race was Flooded with Wrestling Personalities?
We have a two-party system: the Democratic Party, which is a party of no ideas, and the Republican Party, which is a party of bad ideas. And the way it works is — the Republican stands up in Congress and goes, "I got a really bad idea!" And the Democrat says, "And I can make it shittier!"
— Lewis Black, Black on Broadway
Let's face it: our two-party system is basically a bowl of shit looking in the mirror at itself.
— Lewis Black, Stark Raving Black
As heirs to a legacy more than two centuries old, it is understandable why present-day Americans would take their democracy for granted. A president freely chosen from a wide-open field of two men every four years; a Congress with a 99% incumbency rate; a Supreme Court comprised of nine politically appointed judges whose only oversight is the icy scythe of Death—all these reveal a system fully capable of maintaining itself. But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember that ... dozens of foreign countries still long for a democracy such as ours to be imposed on them.
Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is that, in a democracy, the whores are us.
— P. J. O'Rourke
American politics. Governors, Senators, Congressmen... No wonder nothing ever gets done.
—Zartan, GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra
"You want politics in America? I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. 'I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.' 'I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking.' 'Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!'"
— Bill Hicks, "Rant in E-Minor"