”By calling attention to ‘a well-regulated militia,’ ‘the security of the nation,’ and the right of each citizen ‘to keep and bear arms,’ our founding fathers recognized the essentially civilian nature of our economy… The Second Amendment still remains an important declaration of our basic civilian-military relationships in which every citizen must be ready to participate in the defense of his country. For that reason I believe the Second Amendment will always be important.”
"I ask sir, what is the militia? It is the whole people except for a few politicians."
"When you talk about guns you always hear a lot about the Second Amendment and the Founding Fathers, and what they would say if they were here. Well, I for one think that if the Founding Fathers were here today, they would be super freaked out by cars. You can talk to them all you want about the Second Amendment, and they would just yell, 'What are all these metal beasts doing rolling down the thoroughfare?' And you'd tell them, 'Those are cars'. And then you'd try to talk to them about militias and they would scream, 'How can you speak of militias when steel dragons fly through the sky?' And you'd say, 'Those are airplanes.' But even if they could wrap their heads around that they would eventually ask, 'Why are all the slaves out?'" [audience groans] "And they would think that. You can groan all you want, but they would think that. And yes, the Founding Fathers wanted you to have the right to bear arms, but the guys who wrote that would pee through all eight layers of their pants if they saw what guns are now. In 1787, shooting a bullet was slightly faster than throwing one. If you wanted to be bulletproof in 1787, you put on a heavy coat. So with that in mind, I'm all about Americans having guns, as long as they're the muskets from 1787 that take forever to load."
"You can have my assault rifle when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold, dead hands."
See the other man.
He is running for Congress.
He wants to do away with all taxes.
He wants to abolish the Supreme Court.
He wants private ownership of the CIA.
He is some kind of nut.
But he will be elected.
Do you know why he will be elected?
Because all the Gun Owners will vote for him.
Why will they vote for him?
Because he is also against any new law
Which will require registration of firearms.
He claims that if there is a war,
We might be invaded by Communists,
And we will all need guns.
With nuts like that in Congress,
It could happen.
— "The MAD Gun Owners And Other Small Bores Primer" (1965)
"Arms in the hands of citizens may be used at individual discretion in private self defense."
"The Second Amendment protects an individual right to possess a firearm unconnected with service in a militia, and to use that arm for traditionally lawful purposes, such as self-defense within the home."
— District of Columbia v. Heller, the 2008 US Supreme Court decision on the Second Amendment
"And you know, that's the thing about gun culture. There's not a lot of culture. It's mostly about the guns. And the problem isn't just that they're so legal in America. It's that they're so beloved. Guns aren't just a tool of last resort. They're awesome. That's why people stroke them. And name them, and take pictures with them. You guys aren't just firearm enthusiasts — you're ammosexuals."
— Bill Maher, Real Time with Bill Maher, on "Open Carry" advocates
The Second Amendment states that, since a well-regulated militia is necessary to the security of a free state, you can buy high-powered guns via mail order and go out into the woods with your friends and absolutely vaporize some deer.
"It's in the Constitution - you have the right to bear arms or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!"
— Robin Williams, A Night at the Met