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Quotes: Affably Evil
And though scary is exciting, nice is different than good.
Little Red, Into the Woods

Rorschach: You killed the Comedian!
Ozymandias: May he rest in peace.

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith

And I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
The Rolling Stones, "Sympathy for the Devil"

Ben: I'd like you to take a walk with me.
Jack: You say that like you're not going to knock me out and put a bag over my head if I say no.
Ben: Then don't say no.
LOST

"Wednesday, we spill the blood of virgin chickens. Thursday we anoint ourselves in said blood. Friday is, of course, poker night."
Cultist of Shadow, Fable

"Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be EVER in your favor!"
Effie Trinket, The Hunger Games

"Coffee? Tea? Pumpkin juice?"

"Just because I'm an evil scientist doesn't mean that I'm not nice!"
Dr. Wolfgang Amadeus Ratfink von Petal, The Goodies

"Now you can't have any of my pie."
Daniel Linderman, Heroes

"Good luck on your promotion, Monica."

"I mean, just because I'm evil doesn't mean I have to be rude. It's important to me to be a good host. That's just how I was raised, y'know? We are living in a society, after all. We have rules. Without them, we'd be no better than... than... FOREST IMPS!!!"
Garland, 8-Bit Theater

"I have to say, that I quite liked the man. I am ashamed to say such a thing. But had I not been able to see what was happening outside the window I would have said he was very civilised. Odd, isn't it?"

"At what point did you forget that I am a vampire, Dresden? A monster. A habitually neat, polite, civil, and efficient monster.(...) I am what I am."
Lara Raith, Turn Coat

"Homer, on your way out, if you wanna kill somebody, it would help me a lot."
Hank Scorpio, as commandos storm his elaborate underground base, The Simpsons

Scorpio!
He'll sting you with his dreams of power and wealth.
Beware of Scorpio!
His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world
And his employees' health.
He'll welcome you into his lair,
Like the nobleman welcomes his guest.
With free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest!
But beware of his generous pensions,
Plus three weeks paid vacation each year,
And on Fridays the lunchroom serves hot dogs and burgers and beer!
He loves German beer!

"O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!
My tables-meet it is I set it down
That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain."
Hamlet

Tiana: You mean to tell me this all happened because you were messin' with the Shadow Man?!
Naveen: He was very charismatic!

"When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite."

"He was the mildest-manner'd man that ever scuttled ship or cut a throat."
Lord Byron, Don Juan, Canto III

Dr. Watson: You say he was affable?
Sherlock Holmes: A purring cat who thinks he sees prospective mice. Some people's affability is more deadly than the violence of coarser souls.
— "The Adventure of the Illustrious Client"

The Master said, "Fine words and an insinuating appearance are seldom associated with virtue."

D'Argo: Stay back! Stay back or I swear, I will kill you.
Kaarvok: I don't think that's very polite.
Farscape, "Eat Me"

Romana I: But he had such an honest face!
Fourth Doctor: Well, you could hardly be a successful criminal with a dishonest face.
Doctor Who, "The Ribos Operation"

I am a sentimental man
Who always longed to be a father
That's why I do the best I can
To treat each citizen of Oz as a son
Or daughter
So Elphaba, I'd like to raise you high
'Cause I think everyone deserves the chance to fly
And helping you with your ascent al-
-lows me to feel so parental
For I am a sentimental man

I know you care about him. Iíve never seen you like this with anybody, so donít get me wrong when I tell you that Tom, while being a very nice guy, is the Devil... What do you think the Devilís going to look like? ... Come on. No oneís going to be taken in by a guy with a long, red, pointy tail. Come on, whatís he going to sound like? (growls) No! Iím semi-serious here... No, heíll be attractive, heíll be nice and helpful. Heíll get a job where he influences a great and God-fearing nation. Heíll never do an evil thing. Heíll never deliberately hurt a living thing. Heíll just, bit by little bit, lower our standards where theyíre important. Just a tiny little bit. Just coax along flash over substance. Just a tiny little bit.

Scorpius: Ka D'Argo, is it? I don't believe we've had the pleasure.
(D'Argo leaps out of his chair, brandishing a metal goblet as an improvised weapon)
Scorpius: I am totally unarmed; I bear you no ill will. Perhaps we should... well, reorder, and share a repast...

"I'm a psychopath, I'm not rude."
River Song, Doctor Who, "Let's Kill Hitler"

Vivenna: Denth used me. And the worst part is, I still feel like this must all be a misunderstanding. I feel that he's really my friend, and that I should go to him and find out why he did what he did. Maybe we are all just confused. But then I remember the things I saw him do. My friend Parlin is dead. Other soldiers sent by my father, stuffed in sacks. I'm so confused.
Vasher: You're not the first one he's taken in, Princess. Denth... he's a subtle one. A man like him can be evil to the core, but if he's charismatic and amusing, people will listen to him. They'll even like him.

"Don't believe we've met; Proposition Joe. You ever steal from me, I'll kill your whole family."
Proposition Joe introduces himself, The Wire

"Power tastes best when sweetened by courtesy."
Roose Bolton, A Song of Ice and Fire

Father had warned Draco against people like this, people who could ruin you and still be so likable that it was hard to hate them properly.
— Draco Malfoy's thoughts on Harry Potter, in Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

"You'll remain as hostage here, should Hilarion disappear, we will hang you - never fear! - most politely, most politely, most politely."
King Hildebrand, Princess Ida by Gilbert and Sullivan

Man: Well I say we ban Homer from our restaurants.
Akira: No, that would be impolite. I say we KILL HIM!
The Simpsons, "Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?"

... trying to fix precisely what it was about him which made him so disconcerting, I think it was this: his indiscriminate and detached friendliness, which you knew would never waver or diminish even if he had just decided to have you killed.
Tiro on Crassus, Imperium

Sherlock: Who are you?!
Moriarty: Jim Moriarty. Hi.

You know, this may be stating the obvious, but something really occurred to me while writing this chapter: people in this story, even the ones that are supposed to be on the same side, really don't like each other. If they're not screaming and trying to kill each other, they're being cold and sarcastic. Maybe that's part of the reason why Yuuka is so popular. Sure, she's a psychopathic, child-molesting lunatic, but at least she's nice!
— Author's notes for Chapter 35 of Imperfect Metamorphosis

"I will destroy you, and steal your fiancť, booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere!"
Twilight Sparkle, Friendship is Witchcraft

"This guy was borderline unhinged, too much power in too unstable a package, and I almost liked him."
Weaver on Phir Sē, Worm

Mr. Toad: Boss! It's the Bat Guy!
Professor Pyg: It's Batman, Toad. Remember, respect our enemies.
Beware the Batman, "Hunted"

"I didn't want to hurt you, Sabrina. I just wanted to rule you!"

"Who, the fuck, are you," he ground out slowly, though given the volume of his words he was all but shouting.
"Well, call me a concerned citizen. Now, if you want me to return the items I have taken, along with the one you haven't noticed me taking, you'll meet at the abandoned power station in Brooklyn. The one right off the 278 Interstate. See you there!" I said, cheerily.
Taylor Hebert, Fiend fanfiction

Hilda: Salem, what's the matter?
Salem: (cries, looking at a robin's corpse) I killed him. I landed on him when I fell out of the tree! All I wanted to do was scare, humiliate, and emotionally scar him for life- I didn't want to hurt him!


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