We have to do math? You did not tell me there would be math!
In ancient times, in a land far off
Full of goblins and mages and kobolds and kings
Valiant men tempted evil's wrath
For honour and riches and magical rings
Some found fortune, some found despair
But all found things they had not known were there
Now ages after, though their stories doth pale
Their deeds live on in our song of their tale...
But none of that shit matters
Cause it's really just pretending
And tonight, we all are gathered here
To witness these four men
Bring their dumb asses to a table
And talk smack to each other
And there's no mortal danger!
Tonight, four men
With some paper and some dice
Will sit around pretending
That they know how to fight
And move around some miniatures
And say some magic words
While every move is second-guessed
By several thousand nerds
Casting magic missle in the darkness
These four me—en!
These four men
And their DM
Four best friends
And there's... Al
—The Minstrels introduce the second PAX game
I need you, Omin Dran, to fight and slay the Kaiju... or as we call it upstairs, The Tarrasque.
—Chris as Tymora at the climax of the 2013 PAX game.
What are you doing at this table, man?!
Chris, upon Mike and Scott revealing that they've never heard of The Tarrasque at PAX 2013.