Quotes from works
"Grouches of the world unite
Stand up for your Grouch-ly rights
Don't let the sunshine spoil your rain
Just stand up and complain!
Let this be the Grouches' cause
Point out everybody's flaws!
Something is wrong with everything
Except the way I sing!"
—Oscar the Grouch, "The Grouch Anthem", Sesame Street Presents Follow That Bird
"If you wanna be a genius, it's easy! All you gotta say is 'Everything stinks,' then you're never wrong."
Wilbur Cobb, The Ren & Stimpy Show, "Stimpy's Cartoon"
Take note. This guy hates things. That's how you know he has taste.
— Malaya, Shortpacked!
Amanda Honeydew: Gosh, this place looks so tiny! I remember it was huge!
Enid Nightshade: It's quite small, actually.
Jadu Wali: Miniscule.
Ruby Cherrytree: Falling apart, most of it.
Enid Nightshade: There's only parts worth living in. You have to really squash up.
Mr. Hallow: Now girls, we're here to celebrate the castle's anniversary not exaggerate its shortcomings.
—The Worst Witch, "The Millennium Bug" (Season 2, Episode 13)
Quotes from Real Life
“No one gossips about other people’s secret virtues.”
"All successful newspapers are ceaselessly querulous and bellicose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced on them, they tackle it by denouncing someone or something else."
“So much for Objective Journalism. Don't bother to look for it here—not under any byline of mine; or anyone else I can think of. With the possible exception of things like box scores, race results, and stock market tabulations, there is no such thing as Objective Journalism. The phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms.”
—Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72
"I think these are passages we can skim past. They're awful, of course, but awful in a pedestrian way. I'm more interested in the more instructively awful passages of this book."
— Fred Clarke, on Tribulation Force
"The cynic is one who never sees a good quality in a man and never fails to see a bad one. He is the human owl, vigilant in the darkness and blind to the light, always pursuing vermin and never hunting noble game."
— Henry Ward Beecher
"I need to stand on a rake or fall in a vat of sheep excrement for there to be something to write about each month. Good news, frankly, is dull."
— Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear
"Writing about shows I like is less funny then writing about shows I hate. So instead of discussing today's Spider-Man episode, let's take an interlude and discuss some of Kids' WB!'s final commercials."
"If power stations could be run on entitled stupidity, Yelp is living proof that all of humanity would never need live in darkness again...do you get how a numbered rating system works, Elise P.? If a place is good, you give it stars. If it's really good, you give it more stars. At no point are you supposed to boomerang back and start deducting stars because it crossed a goodness threshold. Your job is not to try to prove Einstein correct. Why is that a thing you would do."
"I know we mainly focused on the shitty aspects, but let me tell you, that's the name of the game."
"Now, if you're looking for a balanced and thoughtful critique, then what the fuck are you doing here? I'm just going to rail it with the same point as always until it cries. Strap in while I strap-on, viewer."
"One of the things that I've been contemplating as I teach the handful of sections of courses I can get is the fact that we've really done an awfully cynical job of teaching people to read. Not necessarily a bad one — actually my students are very good at following plot and comprehending the reading. Apparently we've gotten that down. No, where we fall flat is that we've somehow created an army of cynical readers who go looking to dislike things."
"Y-you took something that was just miserable from the past and you just obsessed over it! You turned it into your lives!!"
—Donnie DuPre, Demo Reel, tearing into this trope.
"Why? Because it's easier to be negative. That part will never change."
"I’d much rather be doing comedy on a beach in a tiki bar on Costa Rica right now, but they don’t have comedy there, they don’t need comedians, because they’re already smiling naturally. Comedy works when people are miserable and for that reason alone, you are the best audiences on Earth."
Simon: (Reading correspondence on Transformers: Dark of the Moon) "...big alien machines, big explosions, big army stuff, fast cars, and battles and thats-gonna-hurt scenes. Very very entertaining, better than the last effort by miles. And with that spirit of optimism, let's find out what Mark thinks."
Mark: Well it's horrible, vile, vulgar and hideous, but it's important to understand why.
"It's not a critic's job to have an opinion. A good critic should have no opinion of his own. When a critic sits in a theater to watch the movie, his job is to forget that he is watching the movie, and instead, to pretend that everyone else in the entire world is crammed into that theater watching the movie, pick out the one person out of all of them who disliked the movie the most, and speak for them with the most eloquent words possible. A critic who enjoys anything he watches has not seen enough movies and is not doing his job properly."
—From a speech class presentation entitled "A Critique of Critics"
"No News... is good news"
"For fans, we sure do complain a LOT, don't we?"
"We are also not a wiki for bashing things. Once again, we're about celebrating fiction, not showing off how snide and sarcastic we can be."