"The cynic is one who never sees a good quality in a man and never fails to see a bad one. He is the human owl, vigilant in the darkness and blind to the light, always pursuing vermin and never hunting noble game."
— Henry Ward Beecher
"The scene's about the characters, and it's a nice scene, but I'm not here to accentuate what's nice."
Amanda Honeydew: Gosh, this place looks so tiny! I remember it was huge!
Enid Nightshade: It's quite small, actually.
Jadu Wali: Miniscule.
Ruby Cherrytree: Falling apart, most of it.
Enid Nightshade: There's only parts worth living in. You have to really squash up.
Mr. Hallow: Now girls, we're here to celebrate the castle's anniversary not exaggerate its shortcomings.
—The Worst Witch, "The Millennium Bug" (Season 2, Episode 13)
"I think these are passages we can skim past. They're awful, of course, but awful in a pedestrian way. I'm more interested in the more instructively awful passages of this book."
— Fred Clarke, on Tribulation Force
"I know we mainly focused on the shitty aspects, but let me tell you, that's the name of the game."
First Person: These autumn leaves sure are nice.
Cynic: Yeah, 'cause they're dead.
"For a lot of people, their first love is what they'll always remember. For me it's always been the first hate, and I think that hatred, though it provides often rather junky energy, is a terrific way of getting you out of bed in the morning and keeping you going. If you don't let it get out of hand, it can be canalized into writing. In this country where people love to be nonjudgmental when they can be, which translates as, on the whole, lenient, there are an awful lot of bubble reputations floating around that one wouldn't be doing one's job if one didn't itch to prick."
Simon: (Reading correspondence on Transformers: Dark of the Moon) "...big alien machines, big explosions, big army stuff, fast cars, and battles and thats-gonna-hurt scenes. Very very entertaining, better than the last effort by miles. And with that spirit of optimism, let's find out what Mark thinks."
Mark: Well it's horrible, vile, vulgar and hideous, but it's important to understand why.
"Now, if you're looking for a balanced and thoughtful critique, then what the fuck are you doing here? I'm just going to rail it with the same point as always until it cries. Strap in while I strap-on, viewer."
"Iíd much rather be doing comedy on a beach in a tiki bar on Costa Rica right now, but they donít have comedy there, they donít need comedians, because theyíre already smiling naturally. Comedy works when people are miserable and for that reason alone, you are the best audiences on Earth."
"Why? Because it's easier to be negative. That part will never change."
"It's not a critic's job to have an opinion. A good critic should have no opinion of his own. When a critic sits in a theater to watch the movie, his job is to forget that he is watching the movie, and instead, to pretend that everyone else in the entire world is crammed into that theater watching the movie, pick out the one person out of all of them who disliked the movie the most, and speak for them with the most eloquent words possible. A critic who enjoys anything he watches has not seen enough movies and is not doing his job properly."
—From a speech class presentation entitled "A Critique of Critics"
"If you wanna be a genius, it's easy! All you gotta say is 'Everything stinks,' then you're never wrong."
Wilbur Cobb, The Ren & Stimpy Show, "Stimpy's Cartoon"
"No News... is good news"
"For fans, we sure do complain a LOT, don't we?"
"We are also not a wiki for bashing things. Once again, we're about celebrating fiction, not showing off how snide and sarcastic we can be."
"Is that how we critique movies nowadays? By just ranting and nitpicking about all the individual moments we hated?"
"I need to stand on a rake or fall in a vat of sheep excrement for there to be something to write about each month. Good news, frankly, is dull."
— Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear
"Writing about shows I like is less funny then writing about shows I hate. So instead of discussing today's Spider-Man episode, let's take an interlude and discuss some of Kids' WB!'s final commercials."
"Y-you took something that was just miserable from the past and you just obsessed over it! You turned it into your lives! W-why can't you think of something that's important, like people or their feelings or—"
—Donnie DuPre, Demo Reel, tearing into this trope.
Take note. This guy hates things. That's how you know he has taste.
— Malaya, Shortpacked!
Grouches of the world unite
Stand up for your Grouch-ly rights
Don't let the sunshine spoil your rain
Just stand up and complain!
Let this be the Grouches' cause
Point out everybody's flaws!
Something is wrong with everything
Except the way I sing!
—Oscar the Grouch, "The Grouch Anthem", Sesame Street Presents Follow That Bird