Quotes / A Rare Sentence

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...the next several several minutes contain the most surreal combination of words I'm likely to ever type. Mark McGrath of the band Sugar Ray holds back a violent, swearing Meatloaf as the bassist from Lonestar separates a confused, innocent looking Gary Busey, while they try to figure out if he stole Meatloaf's arts and crafts supplies.

You'll come to an apparent dead-end, only to realize later that you have to get this cloud to move; it'll only move after the beehive is destroyed, and the only way to do that is to get the skeleton power-up and use it to shoot a fireball at it! That's the kinda shit that would never make sense in any other context. Say that to someone in a sentence: "To get a cloud to move, I had to get a skeleton to shoot a fireball at a beehive."

When did that ever happen in the movie? And we're talking about a movie that's batshit insane! But this makes the movie look like something out of the ordinary!

It turns out that Batman and the wizard know each other! Batman is friends with the jive-talking wizard because of course he is! Iím so happy that I got to type the sentence, 'Batman is friends with the jive-talking wizard.'
Laura Hudson, "The Complete and Utter Insanity of Batman Odyssey"

Itís time for a sentence I never thought I would type: Hereís Lori Petty in an erotic slow motion de-lousing.
Chris Sims on Tank Girl

Not-Diana Ross singing an erotic soul song to an elderly Wookie who's masturbating in a science-fiction machine. That's not what springs to mind when I think of Christmas.

At this point in the story, we're interrupted by a galaxy-wide newsflash to inform all government employees that they are required to watch a musical number. It then cuts to Bea Arthur getting stalked and eventually sexually assaulted by a man who drinks through a hole in his wig. And I know it sounds like I'm smashing random words together, but she then breaks into song to musically plead for everyone to leave her bar. My keyboard whimpered when I typed that.

They share a chuckle — haha, nothing like turning into a salamander and fucking the captain, ah, good times — and Janeway reveals she's putting Paris in for a "commendation". Hmm, so I guess he must have been pretty hot in the salamander sack. (And boy, there's a sentence I never, ever saw myself having the opportunity to write.)

The pre titles sequence with the blowfish allowing the little old lady to cross the road is emblematic of the embarrassing childishness of early Torchwood and how they got the tone so very wrong on the whole...The SUV looks more dafter than ever chasing a fish in a sports car around Welsh housing estates (Iím not sure if that sentence has ever been written beforeÖor ever should be again).

Conner gets so aroused that he starts shooting fireballs out of his eyes, which is actually a sentence I just typed.
ComcsAlliance on Smallville ("Scion")

Dipsauce: Wait a minute, is his mom a Viagra pill?
Wes + Tony: I would just like to point out that this comment was originally held by our spam filter. This is probably one of the few pages on the internet where that question is completely relevant.
— Comments regarding this comic

"You slap the rhino."
I'm so glad we have this game, otherwise this would never have been said in our normal lives.

Clarkson: Guys, problem! I just shoved my anarchy flag through my water lilo!
Hammond: Nobody's ever said that before.
Top Gear, Car for a 17-Year Old Challenge

Mallory, I marvel at your ability to craft sentences that have probably never, ever been uttered before in the history of humanity, but which are so perfect that once I read them I feel like they've existed ever since the universe began, waiting to be discovered.
— Commenter Saichania, in response to the sentence "I just already have so many watercolors of flayings already."

'I love trying to construct the most implausibly absurd sentences that are nevertheless 100% accurate descriptions of soap opera plots.

I'm a big fan of the line "there I am!" There are very few contexts in which it can be appropriately said that aren't interesting.
Dan Shive, El Goonish Shive, the rant on this page.

Let's see what this game's got to say for itself. "As a submarine, you're used to trusting whales." What? I...I did not realize that was a thing. "You had a lot of deals with them and, in general, they seemed very polite and friendly to you. But one day, when you were already rich, you woke up and understood, that whales have stolen all your food!" What...the...fuck?!
Jim Sterling reading the Steam Greenlight description for Don't Trust Whales!

If you see something sparkling in the ground, you know, just slam your arse into it and maybe a moon will pop out. I'm mean, that's a sentence.
Jim Sterling again, discussing Super Mario Odyssey

...and then I'd say playing as Hitler is probably the most fun. I'm just gonna stop there and say you'll never hear someone ever say "playing as Hitler is probably the most fun" ever again for the rest of your life. Let that sink in.
Gggmanlives reviewing Moon Man Doom

You have to throw darts at the right colors to open the giant microwave. This episode has so many quotes you can take out of context, it must be stacking up by now.

Oh. It's you. Come to gloat? Go on. Get a goooood, looooong look. Go on! Get a big, fat eyeful! With your big, fat eyes! That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat. Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
GLaDOS, Dummied Out lines, Portal 2

Boooored now. I never thought I'd be able to grow tired of tormenting two effeminate Germans, but I suppose I can surprise even myself!

Wight 1: Did-did that halfling just hit me in the face with a pineapple?
Wight 2: I think he did. Also, I think that no one has ever asked that exact question in the history of civilization, so bonus points there.

Wrecan: Now get on your flying boat and stop a crazy dwarf vampire from committing election fraud!

Charlie: Have you slept?
Will: I got up at 2:00 AM and broke down polling data from the Republican Senate primary race in Utah.
Charlie: I never heard anyone say that before.
Will: Someone faxed me the polling data. I don't even know who.

Quentin: I never thought I'd say this, but thank god for Hitler.
Julia: Yeah, no, that still sounds bad.

Batgirl: Nothing sadder than a crying Dracula.
Supergirl: If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that...
Batgirl: You'd have a nickel?
Supergirl: I'd have a nickel.

Luigifan at the end of the "Boar Bio" roleplay of White Dark Life note 


Now not only are the Marlins not playing music during Nats BP, loud fart noises are coming through the speakers. I swear, I'm not kidding.
That, by the way, is the strangest thing I've ever tweeted, bar none.
—A pair of tweets by MASN sports journalist Dan Kolko, covering a Nationals-Marlins baseball game

TheCheezGuy: Confirmed: can't adventure in bung chakra while drunk
Corgster: I like that I'm playing a game in which this sentence makes sense.

Walt Disney Pictures Presents: A film by David Lynch.
—Blurb on the case of The Straight Story

The Dom: Just don't glue your genitalia closed! I don't think that's a hard concept to wrap your head around.
Nash: (cracks up) Welcome to the 21st century, where the words "don't glue your genitalia shut" are needed in a conversation.
The Dom: In every other universe, I swear that is a redundant statement, but not this one.
What the Fuck Is Wrong with You?, 9/4/17 Geriatric Rampage note 

Dan TDM: It's a depressed monochrome Easter Bunny!..I don't think I've ever said that before in my life.