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Pre Ass Kicking One Liner: Live-Action TV
  • In Smallville, Clark has done this so many times we've lost count.
    • In "Absolute Justice, Part 1":
    Icicle: Who are you supposed to be, sweetie? The new Star-Spangled Kid?
    Stargirl: It's Stargirl. Say "cheese."
  • Subversion: the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Helpless" had Buffy Brought Down to Normal for the duration, which also neutered her ability to deliver a suitable line when she finally managed to defeat the bad guy:
    Buffy: If I was at full Slayer power, I'd be punning right about now.
    • In the episode "Anne", Buffy has run away from home and changed her name to Anne (her middle name). In the course of the episode, she finds herself trapped in a demonic dimension where humans are made into slave labor. One of the demons is trying to break the humans' spirit by asking them "Who are you" and hitting them if they answer anything but "No one". What does Buffy answer, just before kicking everyone's ass?
    Buffy: (cheerfully) I'm Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. And you are?.
    • When Buffy is gone, Willow tries to replicate her punning — doing it herself between Seasons 2 and 3 (when Buffy was in L.A.), and programming it into the Buffybot between Seasons 5 and 6 (when Buffy was dead). With minimal success: "That'll put marzipan on your pie plate, bingo!"
    • Dark/Royally Pissed Off Willow is actually quite adept at badass one-liners. Standouts include I. OWE. YOU. PAIN. and "Bag of tricks?" "Bag of knives ".
    • Which brings us to the most cold-blooded pre-killing line of all time: "Bored now." Which was made more poignant by the fact that it was Vampire Willow's catchphrase, last heard 3 years before.
      • "Bored" was actually a running theme for pre-asskicking. Buffy delivered it at least once (to Dracula), and Glory did too (to Buffybot).
    • Also this to a nameless vampire:
    Buffy: Wow, never heard that one. Okay, how about, "Oh, God, my leg, my leg?"
    *crack*
    Vampire: Oh, God, my leg!
    Buffy: See, now we're communicating.
  • Angel attempted a ton of these. One of the few that stuck was in the series finale. Angel is being tossed around humiliatingly by Marcus Hamilton, a consummate Badass, who takes time to gloat over this, explaining that Angel cannot defeat him, that the power of The Big Bad flows in his blood. Cut to Angel switching to his Game Face.
    • One of the most memorable one-liners from Angel himself has to be from the first episode: Russell Winters, a vampire, gloats about the protection he gets from Wolfram & Hart, claiming that he can do anything now. Then Angel puts his feet on the chair, gets closer and says:
    Angel: You can do anything? (pause) Can you fly? (literally kicks him out the window into sunlight)
  • On Community, during the second paintball game, a third City College stormtrooper runs up to the two celebrating that they've won. It's actually Pierce in disguise, and when asked who he is, his only reply is "Your mother's lover!" before opening fire and winning the game.
    • In the first Paintball game they take down the chess club with "Checkmate, bitches!"
  • Dark Angel: When Max catches a Peeping Tom.
    Max: What did I say would happen if I caught you peeping again?
    Guy: Can't help it Max, you're the bomb.
    Max: Kaboom. (Max delivers a Groin Attack.)
  • Doctor Who: "EXTERMINATE!"
    • "Who are you calling small?"
    • "This is a FIGHTING hand!"
    • "I'm quite spry for my age, actually..."
    • "CREAG AN TURIC!"
    • "You're a bad dog." "Affirmative."
    • "I'm River Song. Check your records again."
    • "LIKE I WAS SAYING, FEEL THIS!"
    • "Would you like me to repeat the question?" (more post-asskicking, but still awesome.) Before that moment, there was this. " Where. Is. My. Wife. " By the same guy: "Heil!"
    • The tenth Doctor had an interesting variation in the form of a chillingly sincere and genuinely contrite "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
  • Gene Hunt of Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes is especially fond of these — among the most memorable being his first line in the latter series:
    Gene: Today, my friend, your diary entry will read "Took a prozzie hostage and was shot by three armed bastards."
    • Which was based on his original, fondly remembered "You are surrounded by armed BASTARDS!" Gene get's a ton of these.
    • Alex also gets a pre/post one-liner in the first series;
    Gene: *Generic prostitution insult*
    Alex: *SLAP*
    Gene: Better now?
  • I Dream of Jeannie: Jeannie in the climax of the 1991 made-for-TV movie I Still Dream of Jeannie. (She comes to her son Tony Jr.'s rescue by blasting open a set of heavy-duty fire-rated steel doors.). The REAL Jeannie — The Monster, The Creature, The Entity — comes out to play in this scene.
    Jeannie: (creepy reverb) DO NOT TOUCH HIM!
  • Possibly the most emphatic of all. In the finale of the second series of Primeval, after Cutter is being played with by a Future Predator:
    Cutter: Enough. *proceeds to shoot Future Predator*
    • Cutter gets a lot of these.
    Cutter: *when faced with giant mer creature* Time to go home.
  • At the end of the first series of Merlin, this gem.
    Merlin: *Gets up from normally deadly injury* You should not have killed my friend. *And then proceeds to harness lightning by merely lifting his hand (in the Merlinverse, powerful magic requires incantation)*
  • An episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation had Whoopi Goldberg's bartender character breaking up a bar fight with a big gun:
    Guinan: (fires a blast into the air) This is a little souvenir I picked up from Magus III. That was setting number one. Anyone wanna see setting number two?
  • Meanwhile, on Star Trek: Voyager, Janeway has a couple, such as "Time's up!" and "Time to take out the garbage." (It makes sense in context.)
    Janeway: (to a blustering Kazon captain) You know, I'm an easy person to get along with most of the time. But I don't like threats, and I don't like bullies, and I don't like YOU.
    • "Hello. I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway. Welcome to the bridge." immediately before the self-destruct detonated and blew up a parallel universe duplicate of Voyager
  • Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Both used and spoofed in the episode "To the Death", where the crew of the Defiant team up with the Jem'Hadar to track down some renegades.
    Jem'Hadar First: (to his Mooks) I am First Omet'iklan, and I am dead. As of this moment, we are all dead. We go into battle to reclaim our lives. This we do gladly, for we are Jem'Hadar. Remember: Victory is Life!
    Chief O'Brien: (to his Redshirts) I am Chief Miles Edward O'Brien. I am very much alive, and I intend to stay that way.
  • Eliot from Leverage gets one in:
    Eliot: What smells like crank and cries like a little girl? (breaks his legs) Right answer!
  • "Ore... SANJOU! From start to finish, I'm always at a climax! Let's go, let's go, LET'S GO!!"
    • From Kamen Rider Fourze: "UCHUU KITAA! I'M KAMEN RIDER FOURZE! LET'S DO THIS ONE ON ONE!"
    • From the same series, Meteor's "Your fate is mine to decide." And an awesome variant in his final battle against The Dragon near the end of the series: Leo tells him of his Undying Loyalty to Gamou, that he is willing to give his life to see Gamou's plan completed, and Meteor, in a reversal of the heroes showing some respect to this sort of villain, says that he'll never be beaten by someone who doesn't care about himself and only lives for another person's goal. "My fate is mine to decide," he says.
    • From Kamen Rider Double: "Now, count up your sins." Used by Double but coined by Shotaro Hidari's mentor Sokichi Narumi (alias Kamen Rider Skull) Kamen Rider Accel from the same series has what's partially this and partially Pre-Mortem One-Liner: after using the Finishing Move but before the Monster of the Week goes 'boom,' he'll say what literally comes out to "Despair is your goal," with "Goal" in Gratuitous English. (Loses something for English-speakers: Accel is bike-themed, but nobody calls the finish line of a race a "goal" as if it was basketball or something. One sub group got closer to the intent of it with a less literal "Despair is waiting for you at the finish line.")
    • Kamen Rider Wizard: "Now, it's showtime!
  • Mal from Firefly gets an awesome one of these against Niska in "War Stories":
    Mal: Looks like business ain't running so much as crawling away. ''You wanna meet the real me now?''
    • Simon Tam: Yes, she always did love to dance.
    • River Tam: You've always taken care of me... My turn.
  • Flash Forward's Simon had a good one, after confronting the good that chopped off his finger.
    Simon: Word of advice? Next time, take the trigger finger.
  • The Psycho Rangers from Power Rangers in Space have a pretty epic group one.
    Psycho Red: We're the Psycho Rangers.
    Psycho Black: We're faster than you.
    Psycho Blue: Smarter than you.
    Psycho Yellow: Stronger than you.
    Psycho Pink: But we're evil!
  • Parodied, then discussed in Power Rangers RPM at the start of the "Ranger Red" episode, where Scott and Ziggy comes across a group of Grinders terrorizing a mother and her baby.
    Scott: Shh... You'll wake the baby.
    Ziggy: Yeah, and if you wake the baby, I might just have to sing you all a sweet little lullaby, and then tuck you into bed without any dessert, or even a single goodnight kiss... (notices Scott staring at him) Oh, wait, wait, what am I even saying. That... that didn't even make sense. I'm really sorry, um... kinda new at being a Power Ranger. I'm, I'm still working on my, uh... my hero one-liners, so...
    Scott: Look, Zig. I told you. They're called 'one-liners' for a reason. We're action heroes. When it comes to talking — (Scott takes out three Grinders with a Capoiera kick) — less is more.
  • Boardwalk Empire: more of a Pre-Fingorn One Liner—Chalky sits down with a Klansman and tells him a story about how his carpenter father was asked to build a bookcase by a white man, and after he worked long and hard on it, the man and his friends rewarded him for his troubles by lynching him. Chalky then unrolls a set of his father's tools, and the Klansman nervously asks what he intends to do with them. Chalky just replies "Well...I ain't buildin' no bookcase."
  • From Enos: A cop pops out of hiding and pulls a gun on two thugs, saying, "Your tax dollars at work."
  • From Sanctuary
    Vampire Queen Afina: You're out of your depth, mongrel.
    Nikola Tesla: I'd rather be a mongrel than a stuck up, inbred bitch.
  • In one episode of The A-Team, Murdock gives an amusing line before punching out a priest: "Bless me Father, for I'm about to sin."
  • In The West Wing of all places, just after President Bartlet finished a talk with his election rival Gov. Ritchie:
    Bartlet: In the future, if you're wondering, 'Crime. Boy, I don't know' is when I decided to kick your ass.
  • From Breaking Bad, we get the first glimpse of Walter White's drug dealer alter ego, Heisenberg.
    Tuco: Let me get this straight: I steal your dope, I beat THE PISS outta your mule boy! And you walk in here and bring me more meth?! (*Laughs*) That is a brilliant plan, ese!
    Walt: You got one part of that wrong. (Picks up a crystal from his bag.) This is not meth. (Throws it down, causing the windows of the room to explode.)
  • Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger: From Dantetsu Kiryu.
    "Please grit your teeth, because I'm going to punch them out."

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