Pre Ass Kicking One Liner / Fan Fiction

  • A Crown of Stars: In chapter 55 Asuka is facing an army:
  • Advice and Trust: In chapter 7 Rei is fighting Zeruel all alone. It is about to kill her when Shinji and Asuka show up riding Unit 03. Before start kicking its rear they say in unison:
    Shinji and Asuka: "Get away from my friend,"
  • Evangelion 303: The characters in this series deliver several ones:
    Asuka (before dueling with Shinji): Stick around for lunch... I hear they are having chicken nuggets...
    • Note: "Nugget": Aviator speak for noobie pilot.
    Shinji (in reply to the former): I think we're having "saurkraut" for lunch today...
    Asuka (before a practice duel with Kaworu): I want to smoke him like a cigarrette!
  • Subverted at one point in Kyon: Big Damn Hero: just after Kyon delivers the line to three yakuza thugs, he gets teleported away.
    "I'll respect that you're cutting to the chase; let me return the favor in kind!"
  • Used in Tales of the Emperasque by God-Emperor of Mankind: "KNOCK KNOCK, MOTHERFUCKER, WHO ORDERED A BEATING?". Followed by Emperor curb-stomping a Chaos God and rescuing Eldar Goddess.
  • Used by the Alpha Houndoom in Poké Wars: The Exigence: "THIS IS THE STRENGTH OF MY PACK!". Cue beat down.
  • "My name is Blaze, and I remember everything." She says this seconds after her memories of the past two decades come crashing back to her mind, subverting an attempted mind-wipe by the Syndicate. Cue Oh, Crap! from the bad guy in charge, followed by an epic beatdown.
  • "We bring the fires of liberation."
  • Soul Chess, anyone?
  • Lampshaded in the Harry Potter fic Make a Wish where before beating up a group of Slytherins who'd cornered Hermione, Dobby made a remark about "taking out the trash" and when questioned added that "Mr. Black says that it's important to make witty remarks before battle, unless it makes it not a surprise."
  • I have to kill fast and bullets too slow.
  • In the Dark World of the Pony POV Series, Rarity gives one to Fluttercruel right before their climatic fight.
    "The only pony who can save you is Fluttershy...and since I can't bring her here, I'm going to send you straight to her."
    • In the Shining Armor Arc, Cadence gives one to Makarov when he dismissively asks if she's going to sing a song to stop him from killing Shining, right before she sings a "The Villain Sucks" Song that allows her to power up from the bonds between Misfit Actual and the Rebels kicks his flanks:
  • From the Calvin and Hobbes: The Series episode "Lightning Man":
    The Lightning Man: OH, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM NOW?!
    Calvin: Us.
  • In Pokmon: The Great Adventure, Silver delivers one to Mewtwo after the later petrified Ash in a fit of rage. What follows is a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown from the man, with "You Know My Name." in the background. Morality, it doesn't matter if you're the most badass Legendary around and you just built yourself an army of cloned mooks. Never mess with a Papa Wolf.
    "Mewtwo, you took my son's life. NOW, GIVE ME YOURS!"
  • In Jericho, Jericho himself has a few:
    "I'm going to teach you a thing or two about love!"
    "Good for the Good God!"
    "Youre not buying this, are you?" "Not at all." "Well, then have I deal for you!" *Hits girl in face with axe* A fire sale for all your axing needs! Get it? Because its a fire axe, and its in your face!" :laughs: "Its funny."
    Hi, my name is Duke Elkington, I groused, and Im a huge fan of cocks. You can tell from my cock-tasting spit. Im like a chupacabra, but for dicks.
    Invoked: I wish I had a better one-liner to quip before I killed you. Like... uh, Father always told me to fight fire with fire, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. I laughed. Its funny because I set all these fires.
    And again: Ooh, ooh, ooh, Ive got a good one! Elkington, the last thing I want to do is hurt you... but its still on my list.
    "A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory."
    • Many of these are from chapter 12, and so are subverted because Jericho never actually kills Duke Elkington.
  • Child of the Storm: "Expecto Patronum, Suckers."
    • From the same chapter:
    Bruce: Rest assured, Thor. We will find Harry. We will find the people who took him. And Hulk will smash.
    • And from Chapter 60.
    No. No more running.
    • Later on, the Winter Guard break into Xavier's school, expecting to find a bunch of helpless teenagers. Instead, they find one man. Just one. They quickly wish they hadn't.
    "Good evening. My name is Magneto. You kidnapped my daughter. You kidnapped my daughter's godson. You tortured them both. You have twisted the latter into your weapon. I would like to discuss this. And if you are very lucky... I may allow some of you to live."
    • And an old classic...
  • Kitsune no Ken: Fist of the Fox: Naruto to a gang of elitist bullies who've been harassing nearby civilians and whose leader just attempted to harm Ino: "Those of you who want to have their bones broken, come and get me." Cue flattening of gang.
  • Hunting Series part 3 - Hunting and Saving.
    John Winchester: "Run, Tom, you see that black car, you get in and I'll take you home in a minute." Said just before John goes on to own a nest of three vampires.
  • Bringing Me To Life
    Thug: Get on the ground, now !
    Max: No, you want to know why ?
    Thug: Fine, bitch, go on and tell me.
    Response ? Cue asskicking by Max.
  • In episode 12 of Wonderful, gang boss and super-villain Lung gives us this line:
    Lung: Roaches, feeling brave behind their metal toys. Bakuda. Lee. Crush them.
  • Old West:
    "Ya boys was real stupid in thinkin' you could claim hell without payin' the devil his due. I don't like sloppy work... and you boys just made one hell've'a mess."
    One of the thugs: The Grim Reaper...
    Grace: It's not him you should be afraid of...
  • During the Bardiel fight in Neon Metathesis Evangelion, Rei decides she can't do nothing while Shinji watches powerlessly as his Evangelion is killing his friend.
  • In the Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Supergirl crossover The Vampire of Steel, Buffy quotes Clint Eastwood before engaging an army of vampires:
    Buffy: You want to open the Hellmouth? Make my day, punks!
  • In Power Girl fanfic A Force of Four:
    • Mala tries to talk the young heroes into stepping aside as he kills Power Girl.
      Mala: We have not forgotten the thirty years we spent in the Kryptonite globe because of him. Nor have we forgotten being cheated of our revenge by his death. Should Kara Zor-L live, she will inevitably prove to be a hindrance to us. It is regrettable that she must die. But die she must. There is no need for battle. Our audience has left the stands. This show of combat pleased him, but it was most inefficient. Please. Let me do what is required, and I promise to make her death as quick as I possibly can. Your own will be even quicker, and as painless as possible. The decision is up to you.
      Fury: You know what our answer is, big man. Come and get it.
      Nuklon: Nope. Our answer is—go to hell!
    • Kara when U-Ban attempts to rape her:
      Power Girl: You want it, tough guy? You're going to have to fight for it.