Pantheon: Commerce Intermediate Gods
Billy Mays, God of Top-Of-The-Lungs Advertising
Gray Mann, CEO of Money Spiders
- Intermediate God
- Symbol: The OxiClean logo
- Alignment: True Neutral
- Portfolio: Shouting, Shilling, More Shouting, Self-Parody, and Even More Shouting
- Domains: Craft, Technology
- Followers: Anthony Sullivan
- Allies: Don LaFontaine, BRIAN BLESSED
- Mortal Enemies: Vince Offer
- Ascended after shaking his mortal coil on June 28th, 2009, for a lifetime of service to the advertising industry. The still-mortal Offer was not pleased. Cartman follows him around, constantly asking for more of that Stuff that removes ass-blood from undergarments as a result of eating cheap Mexican food.
- Is now in competition with his ally Don LaFontaine to see whose voice can sell more halos.
- The Goddess of Charming Thievery once stole his voice, but gave it back almost immediately, ostensibly because it was too loud, but, just possibly, because the voice is who Billy Mays is, and she has a policy against soul theft.
Jerrica Benton, Goddess of Generosity
- Theme Song: Robots!
- Intermediate God
- Symbol: His Australium-powered life-extender machine
- Alignment: Lawful Evil
- Portfolios: The third brother, Self Made Mann, producing tons of robots running on money actually backfires, bane of eagles, selling hats in desperation, inventing a new form of algebra, being older than looks would indicate
- Domains: Trickery, Machinery, Trading
- Allies: None known.
- Followers: Gray Army
- Enemies: Mercs, Saxton Hale, Byakuya Togami
- Beloved Daughter (or is she?): Olivia
- Strictly Business Relationship With: Raidou Kuzunoha
- Cemented his ascension by one-upping Saxton Hale out of his position as CEO of Mann Co. with help of his daughter Olivia (who wasn't ascended, but remains on his side nevertheless).
- He made sure to replace a part of harmless, money-spewing robots in the house with his Gray Army counterparts to not only provide additional defenses, but also better his PR. For that matter however, he really regrets choosing money of all things as a fuel and really wishes people would stop pointing it out. Hell, his own robots question his choice sometimes much to his chagrin.
- Those bots aren't very smart either, another thing that makes Gray cringe. At least he rectified the issue with his Mecha Engineers.
- Because of that reckless choice he's forced to find alternate ways of replenishing his once great fortune, going as far as selling hats made of metal. For that reason he'd managed to strike up a deal with Raidou Kuzunoha: the latter becomes a face of his hat advertisements and gets paid for it as a result.
- Banned from Houses of Nature and Technology for eating his adoptive eagle mother and her children and being the one to be responsible for Sentry Busters respectively. House of Family is cool with him, strangely enough, because despite the fact that he knifed both of his brothers, they kinda deserved it.
- His daughter owns a gravel company named Gray Gravel. She's also a new CEO of Mann Co.
- Absolutely loathes Byakuya Togami as someone who inherited their fortune (reminds him of his idiot brothers). Unlike him, he built his own empire.
- Which is a bit of a misunderstanding on his part, as Togami didn't get his status as heir for free; he had to compete with fourteen of his estranged half-siblings, of which he was the youngest, to earn the title of heir to the Togami fortune, as well has having accumulated a sizable fortune of his own without any help from his family. He is also intending to rebuild the Togami empire after it was destroyed in Mankind's Most Monstrous and Maleficent Malefaction.
Kaneo Takarada, CEO of Buying Every Single Human Being
- Intermediate Goddess
- Symbol: The Jem logo
- Alignment: Neutral Good
- Portfolio: Hiding Secret Identities, The Power of Rock, Outrageous Manes, Clingy Jealous Girls, Amazing Surrogate Sisters
- Domains: Music, Protection, Wealth
- Allies: Amano Kazumi, Katara, Paul McCartney, Nanami Lucia, Momomiya Ichigo, Robin Hood, Charlotte LaBouf
- Enemies: Eric Raymond, Wario, Looten Plunder, Shirayuki Berii
- Managed to get Lucia's idea for "the godliest girl band ever" off the ground and releasing new material at the astounding rate of three short songs a day. Uses the funds from her music career to operate a halfway house for Mary Sues that are trying to reform.
- Unlike Sol Badguy's operation, Jerrica will forgive almost anything short of forthrightly and unrepentantly supporting Shirayuki Berii's efforts to regain her power over the Pantheon. However, she does not know that Xanatos is actually the one who arranged for her success and manipulated her into having the idea to open the halfway house as part of a grand scheme to provoke the Disgraced into open war against the rest of the Pantheon.
- Has forged most of her alliances for the purpose of keeping Eric Raymond in check.
- Later mythology (read: fuzzy nostalgia and genre savviness re: Clarke's Law for Girls' Toys) has suggested that she is a follower of Kinomoto Sakura. Though Jerrica in fact stands firmly with technology rather than magic, she is allied with those who are not - Lucia for her music and Ichigo for her grudge against Berii.
(The Dosh King)
Segata Sanshiro, God of Over-The-Top Advertisements
- Theme Song: Harry Enfield's "LOADSAMONEY"
- Intermediate God, Overdeity in his temple
- Symbol: Piles of Takarada Bucks with large golden "ZENI" behind them
- Alignment: Lawful Evil, actually Lawful Good.
- Portfolio: LOADSAZENI, Impossibly Cool Clothes for some and Rummage Sale Reject for others, Every Man Has His Price, golden teeth, Humongous Mecha Giant Enemy Crab, partiuclarly humiliating defeat, Good All Along, Punny Name
- Domains: Money, Bribes, Osaka
- Allies: Elysium Academy, Ted DiBiase
- Enemies: Satsuki Kiryuin and, by extension, Ragyo Kiryuin, Nui Harime, Scrooge McDuck
- Made his entrance with a bang. Specifically, one of the empty temples in House of Commerce rapidly extended in size to fit his new stomping grounds, namely, an exact copy of Osaka under the control of Takarada Conglomerate with every single Osaka resident still in there. Suffice to say, Satsuki Kiryuin was less than pleased about his ascension.
- His philosophy is simple: no man is pure enough to withstand the temptation of hard, cold cash. To this end, the entirety of Osaka acts as his private army - alongside Naniwa Kinman students outfitted with swords made of money and submachine guns shooting bucks - giving a lot of trouble to any would-be more morally inclined attackers. It's been proven that there are exceptions to the rule, but he intends to rule with cash and rule fairly.
- Has his own currency that are Takarada Bucks. They're not worth much outside his temple, but he intends to change that.
- To better his PR he poured a lot of his funds into upping the quality of Elysium Academy. He remains their main benefactor to this day - much to displeasure of Satsuki and her representative in the Academy Ira Gamagori.
- Best buds with Ted DiBiase as the two quickly found that their methods are surprisingly similar. Conversely, Scrooge McDuck hates his guts for not only spending his money so haphazardly and recklessly, but also endangering civilians while doing so and essentially razing his own temple to the ground whenever fights take place there. Takarada merely smirks in response and says that Osaka contractors would love an extra work - as this ensures the money flows smoothly and into their hands.
(Son of Sega)
Tsunade and Marjorie "Marge" Simpson (née Bouvier), Co-Goddesses of Compulsive Gamblers
- Theme Song: God help you if you're not playing on a Sega Saturn when you hear this!
- Intermediate God
- Symbol: Sega Saturn (Shiro/White!)
- Alignment: Lawful Neutral
- Portfolio: Life-saving Commercial Campaigns, Badasses, Arrogant Judo Guys, Japan-only Legendary Icons, Making People Explode Just After Touching The Ground As An Effect Of His Judo Throw, Heroic Sacrifice, Theme Music Power-Up.
- Domains: Pride, Discipline, Charm, Courage, Glory.
- Followers: Don Draper, Pepsiman.
- Rival: Chuck Norris.
- Enemies: Zombies, Johnny Turbo, Bernie Stolar.
- Sanshiro heroically gave his life in defense of his beloved Sega, but lives on in Garhalla - and our hearts.
- If they take Sega Saturn lightly, he will descend from the Garhalla and kick their ass.
- Perhaps Dreamcast would've fared better had they received the guidance of Segata Sanshiro. So let's put "Not having Segata Sanshiro" as one of the reasons why Sega quit making hardware.
- Does not like zombies. For this reason, he's discouraged from lingering in the House of Life and Death.
- Sega Saturn... shiro!
- The entire pantheon is waiting for him to challenge Chuck Norris to play Sega Saturn
- His avatar is Hiroshi Fujioka, currently under the guise of Kamen Rider in the Toku Base.
- Was responsible for Johnny Turbo being banished to the Disgraces, leaving a large crater that remains to this day (and is recently being turned into a swimming pool).
- Is currently training Bang Shishigami in the arts of Sega Saturn, after an unfortunate incident that he mistook him as Takeshi Hongo of the Toku Base. Segata believes that the secret of awakening Houyoku Rettenjou lies in playing Sega Saturn until the fingers break.
- Sheds Manly Tears for many Western Sega Saturn gamers that couldn't experience the true wonders of Sega Saturn... all thanks to someone he'll consider even worse than piracy (and Arfoire, who he fought constantly in the stead of Neptune) and those who doesn't play Sega Saturn: Bernie Stolar.
- It has recently been revealed that he did not actually die, but spent 14 YEARS keeping Sony's missle from hitting Sega HQ.
(Tsunade: Fifth Hokage, The Legendary Sucker, Granny Tsunade)
The Courier, God of Couriers
- Intermediate Goddess (Tsunade) and Demigoddess (Marge)
- Symbols: A purple diamond and a 4-foot blue beehive, respectively. Alternately, a red 1974 Chevrolet Chevelle wagon filled with massive piles of overdue ninja paperwork.
- Alignment: Lawful Good (Tsunade) and Neutral Good (Marge)
- Portfolio: Gambling, One-Time-Only Weaknesses That Come To Dominate One's Identity.
- Domains: Greed, Pride, Trickery
- Allies: Tsunade: All good Naruto Gods in the Pantheon, Yuko Ichihara. Marge: Homer Simpson and Bart Simpson
- Followers: Luxord, Setzer Gabbiani, Gambit
- Originally, the goddesshood was to be decided between them by a high-stakes game of Texas Hold'Em. However, since Lisa pointed out that neither of them could ever actually WIN at gambling, they decided to share the task. Marge would still like to visit Konoha someday...Homer says he's never been, either, but Marge has her suspicions about the true paternity of that loudmouthed spiky-blond-haired kid on Tsunade's team...
- Normally they won't deny any kind of bet. Tubalcain Alhambra, however, was immediately blacklisted after an incident in which he broke the bank at one of the casinos they run.
Wario, God of Greed
- Intermediate Deity (is both an aspect and high priest to The Vault Dweller)
- Symbol: The Platinum Chip, Alternatively, a bright yellow 21 on a black Spade
- Alignment: True Neutral, as far as anybody knows
- Portfolio: Delivery People Who Get Their Job Done, Those Unhindered By Death, Legendary Figures of Humble Origins, Cunning, Taking Levels in Badass, Viva Las Vegas, Wild Cards, Destroyer of one's Hometown
- Domain: Delivery, Commerce, Endurance, Travel
- Allies: Yes Man, Various Companions and Factions, The Vault Dweller, The Chosen One, The Lone Wanderer, Cole MacGrath, Ron Perlman, Derpy Hooves (now that she's ascended)
- Followers: Peregrine Medicant, Gordon Krantz
- Enemies: Benny, Ulysses
- Official delivery-person of the gods, The Courier is a mysterious figure who is known for one thing: Being unhindered by such a thing as being shot in the head. The Courier will make the delivery, one way or another and settle a war in-between.
- While all factions will want the services of the Courier, it seems that this humble messenger may have plans of his/her own, with the help of a certain ridiculously cheerful robot.
- Most evil aligned gods, unless the Courier is already hostile to them, try to avoid getting said delivery person pissed, as they remember well the words of one of his heralds: Don't fuck with the man who delivers your mail.
- Some have complained that the Courier seems to play fast and loose with delivery schedules and that delivery routes tend to be unusually erratic. Others, however, have noted with approval that their packages arrive right when they're most needed, if sometimes barely so.
- Intermediate God
- Symbol: His distinctive mustache and big nose
- Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
- Portfolio: Corrupt Corporate Executives, Evil Twins, Villain Protagonists, Mini Games, Gameplay Roulette, Ground Pounding, Jerkasses, Schemers, People with Cast-Iron Stomachs, The Search for More Money
- Domains: City, Greed, Trickery
- Allies: Mona, Waluigi, Dick Dastardly, Mr. Burns, Yogurt, Greed
- Followers: Larfleeze
- Friendly Enemies: Mario, Luigi
- Has commissioned many of the best game designers in the world (along with the video game-based gods in the Pantheon) to star in a game of his choosing. He plans to keep 108% of the profits for Himself.
- Upon ascending, Mona immediately raced to his office and began helping out with most of his projects because Wario was 'way cool'. However, she does get a bit miffed when she doesn't get her share of the paycheck.
- Gets really, really annoyed when anyone asks him to say, "D'oh, I missed!". He blames the Runaway Guys for that aggression.
- Thinks the greed of Mr. and Mrs. Ayasaki to be unsettling, even for him.
- Most of the vampire deities, even Alucard, tend to stay far from Wario.