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Pantheon: Academy
A few miles along the golden road leading south from the House of Knowledge is the "prestigious" Elysium Academy, constructed in several days by a crack team of architects who list among their credentials a combined fifteen years playing SimCity and Tetris. Funding for education of newly-arrived celestial beings is largely provided by Jerrica Benton's trust fund, and monies received from the local lottery. Students tend to come and go here daily, including weekends (because that is when most school club functions happen). Campus pouring rights have recently been awarded to Mel's Lemonade, after they demonstrated the ability to place the same vending machine in Rhode Island and New Mexico at the same time.

The actual numbers have not been officially determined, but conflicting eyewitness reports show that the student body numbers somewhere between five hundred and ten thousand students, between the ages of five and 21 Earth human years old.

Here, divine power levels do not apply, as everyone involved with the school has been balanced in order to prevent "pissing matches" from taking place, for fear that nobody would be able to clean up the aftermath in a timely manner.

The Absurdly Powerful Student Council:

President: Kanade Jinguuji ("Seitoutaichou")
  • Symbol: A Miyagami Academy student uniform
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • Though the student body of Elysium Academy (supposedly) has a 1:1 gender ratio, Kanade received a large portion of the vote from her female constituency.

Vice-President: Shizuru Fujino
  • Symbol: The HiME fireball insignia
  • Alignment: True Neutral
  • Shizuru initially applied for the president position, but was beaten handily by Kanade in a run-off vote. She accepted the vacant vice-president seat as a consolation prize.
  • Occasionally holds tea parties with the other members of the council.

Treasurer: Lemina Ausa

Secretary: Luna Platz
  • Symbol: A new-model Hunter-VG
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • For better or for worse, she and Geo have managed to find their way into the same school for the second time. She doesn't get called "Prez" nearly as much due to her "lower" office, but that fact that Geo actually comes to school on a consistent basis nowadays brightens her day a bit.

Head of Events: Milly Ashford
  • Symbol: Whatever costume she feels like having the students wear this time.
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • No longer content with having a mecha prepare the world's largest pizza, Milly has written a proposal to the president to revamp its usual homecoming football game so that each competitor is allowed to use his/her own personal mecha.

Security Chief: Sousuke Sagara
  • Symbol: MITHRIL Logo
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • Though the methods he employs in ensuring security have been known to cause high collateral damage, none can argue with Sousuke's 99.87% efficiency rate in keeping out delinquents, malcontents and other "little bads". His former company had given him a very lucrative Hero Insurance policy before he was offered the job at Elysium.

Legal Counselor: Jeff Winger
  • Symbol: his hair
  • Alignment: ??? (closest to True Neutral)
  • His position doesn't officially exist, contrary to everyone's beliefs
  • Spends almost all of his time texting
  • Rumored to have joined the student council only to hook up with Kanade

Faculty/Staff Members:

Principal: Albus Dumbledore
  • Symbol: A pair of half-moon spectacles
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • Takes a surprisingly laid-back approach to management, or so it seems. Turned down the position of God of Magic for this.

Assistant Principal: George Feeny
  • Symbol: A globe with a book below it
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • Due to a slight cold, Dumbledore was forced to take a couple of sick days. During this time, mass chaos ensued within the school due to Ferris Bueller somehow taking charge of the entire student body. Recognizing the potential for catastrophe, Dumbledore turned to the one man he knew would fit the bill: Mr. George Feeney.
  • When not busy in the office, Mr. Feeny acts as a supplementary teacher for General classes and lighten Onizuka's load. In return, Onizuka considers him an outstanding example of teachers who truly care for their students and a role model he wishes to further become.
  • Despite his caring and nurturing personality, he can be firm when he needs to. Even the Warner Brothers and their sister Dot have been put in line by him before.

Nuclear Science and Quantum Physics: Doctor Manhattan (Jon Osterman)
  • Symbol: A hydrogen atom
  • Alignment: True Neutral (can tend towards Neutral Good)

Archaeology: Dr. Henry Walton Jones Jr. (Indiana Jones)
  • Symbol: Fedora and a Bullwhip
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • This position had previously been filled by Raine Sage, who taught this as well as Earth Science. To lighten her load, Dumbledore invited Dr. Jones, an actual professor of archeology, over from the House of Knowledge to teach his old subject.
  • Dr. Jones maintains that Archaeology is the study of fact, not truth. He also used to insist that X never marks the spot, but he ended up being proven wrong on that one.

Earth Science: Raine Sage
  • Symbol: Various books with symbols written in ancient languages
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Comes under criticism for teaching more esoteric branches of earth science on occasion, as her degree and specialization are in branches that don't exactly apply to very many worlds (for example, Primus, planet the Pantheon is on, has no mana system).
    • She used to pull double-duty with this and Archaeology, until Dr. Jones was brought in. She accepted the change... reluctantly. Time will time how well she adjusts.
    • Somehow, her classes are very popular regardless. Raine frequently shares notes with fellow archaeology and history buff Midori Sugiura, who in turn shares her knowledge with Sid Meier (damn the language barrier).

Wilderness Survival: the Vault Dweller
  • Symbol: Vault Jumpsuit with the number 13 stitched on the back.
  • Alignment: Unknown. It's different depending on which version of his/her adventures you hear.
  • The Vault Dweller's gender is unknown, as he/she is always wearing a set of bulky T-51b Power Armor. The aforementioned jumpsuit is mounted on the back wall of his/her classroom, too tattered to tell what gender it was made for.
  • The Vault Dweller has three teaching assistants: The Chosen One, The Lone Wanderer, and The Courier. They have a reputation for never being seen eating or drinking to actually survive, although there are scattered unconfirmed reports of The Courier doing so.
  • Note: Because of his tendency to be a little... vacillating in his attitude towards others, Dumbledore is considering replacing the Vault Dweller as Wilderness Survival teacher. His current prospects for replacement are Bear Grylls and Les Stroud.
  • A recent field trip nearly ended in disaster when the Vault Dweller set Deathclaws upon the latest field trip without instructing them on how to survive the confrontation. Dumbledore would have been furious had anyone been injured, but the Vault Dweller and his assistants effortlessly dispatched them.

Physical Education: Hayato Nekketsu
  • Symbol: A shinai, frequently used
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Other Teachers of this subject: the Wii Fit trainers
  • Occasionally supervises the kendo team as a guest coach. He managed to beat Saionji and Kirino in a two-on-one match, but not without suffering a lot of heavy scarring himself.

Wood Shop: Al Borland

Metal Shop: Tony Stark

Mathematics: Count von Count (with Sho Minamimoto as an aide)
  • Symbol: A cape with numbers on it (Count), or a black baseball cap (Sho)
  • Alignment: True Neutral (Count) and Chaotic Neutral (Sho)
  • Vun! Vun overused memetic joke, ha ha!
  • The Count covers the very, very basics. Sho covers the very, very complex material. The rest, the kids have to figure out on their own. As far as the school board is concerned, between the two of them, on average everything they're right in the middle, and that's the important bit, so no additional teachersnote  are necessary.

Applied Science: Bill Nye
  • Symbol: A spinning Bill Nye head
  • Alignment: True Neutral
  • Mr. Nye is but one of a few teachers in the field. The other courses are run by Beakman and Mr. Wizard.

Writing: Spider Jerusalem and His Filthy Assistants
  • Symbol: His Glasses on a spider.
  • Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
  • Teaches students to search for the truth in spite of the law.

English Language: Negi Springfield
  • Symbol: The Ala Alba crest
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • Is also the god of [1]
  • Is the faculty sponsor of all adventure-based extracurricular activities under the table, regardless of his intentions to the contrary.
  • Is quite busy due to the prevalence of Japanese nationals in the officially English-speaking Pantheon.

Home Economics: Cooking Mama
  • Symbol: A rolling pin
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • Has the highest "pass" rating out of all of the teachers, since she inevitably winds up fixing the meals of the students who are on the verge of getting an "F" in her class.
  • Was turned down for an appearance on Hells Kitchen as a guest, but network executives had noted that the ensuing hilarity from the sparks generated between Mama and Gordon Ramsay would have generated a ratings bonanza. Alas...
  • In addition to cooking, Mama has also taught her students the joys of gardening and arts and crafts, and also offers babysitting advice.
  • Assistants: Chef Kawasaki, Vincent, Pinkie Pie

General: Eikichi Onizuka
  • Symbol: His motorcycle, complete with a plate with the number "22" on it
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • He can actually teach anything.
  • Some Gods have offered him the position of head principal itself, or even a spot on the board. Onizuka denies them all, preferring the position of teacher.
    • Considers George Feeny a mentor and role model.

Special Class: Nozomu Itoshiki
  • Symbol: A field of black with a noose on it
  • Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
  • Is in charge of teaching the psychologically unstable students. He would like you to know that this appointment has left him in despair.
    • The fact that almost all of the female students (and some of the boys), including from the other universes, in his class are in love with him doesn't help either, since most of them are yanderes of various levels.
  • Itoshiki's rants about the things that bring him despair have attracted the unwanted attention of Monokuma and, oddly enough, Sephiroth.

Kindergarten Section: Yoko Littner
  • Symbol: The Gurren-Dan logo
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • The school board chastises her regularly for her habit of carrying around a sniper rifle wherever she goes and regularly wearing nothing more than a bikini top and hot pant, citing that she is a, in their words, "very, very, very, very, very, very, very bad example for the impressionable young minds". This never gets anywhere, as she has tenure and a sniper rifle.

Biology: Dr. Victor Frankenstein
  • Symbol: His most famous creation, naturally
  • Alignment: the jury's still out
  • Although as biology teacher he also teaches the overflow Health classes, any lessons on family planning or parenting that he has are handed over to the Earth Science teacher by order of his parole board.

Human Anatomy: Touko Aozaki
  • Symbol: A puppet crawling out of a suitcase
  • Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
  • Students really love it when she takes out her original body and begins dissecting it. One time, she passed her heart around the classroom and had people label it with pins. This ultimately culminated in a game of dodgeball being played with it, and the unfortunate organ was destroyed. Touko just shrugged and remarked, "Didn't need that anyways. Got plenty of spares."

School Nurse: Kyoko Minazuki

JROTC Commandant: Lord Castellan Usarkar E. Creed
  • Symbol: Imperial Aquila
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • In addition to running the JROTC program, Creed is in charge of discipline within the Academy. Needless to say, the latter job keeps him and his aide, Colour Sergeant Jarran Kell, constantly busy.

Band Director: Deekin Scalesinger
  • Symbol: Dragon claw
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Despite being a kobold, most band students are aware that Deekin is an epic-level bard/dragon disciple, and know better than to laugh at him.
  • Has some trouble teaching classes due to having some problems speaking English. Not many people make fun of him for this, though, because of the above.

Engineering: Emmett L. Brown (Doc Brown) (with Ryoto Hikawa as an aide)
  • Symbol: A modified DeLorean DMC-12
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good

Cryptozoology: Denzel Q. Crocker

Aquatics Director: Ulrik Svensgaard
  • Symbol: Nautilus Pirates insignia
  • Alignment: Chaotic Evil
  • Arrived with the intention to pillage the Academy, loot everything of value, and burn the ruins, but was stopped by Ursarkar Creed's tactical genius, and then offered the job of ruling the Academy's extensive waterfront and swimming pool facilities, which Svensgaard accepted.

Literature: Ashley Williams

Co-Librarians: The Librarian and Twilight Sparkle (With Spike as her #1 assistant)
  • Symbols: For The Librarian: The Octavo. For Twilight: Her Cutie Mark, a purple and white star.
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • The Advantage of having non-human librarians is that they're able to read books about things humans weren't meant to know and not suffer any ill-effects.
  • Twilight handles conversing with the students since The Librarian has a limited vocabulary.

Japanese Language: Hideo Shimazu
  • Symbol: His shoulder pads and tie
  • Alignment: Lawful Neutral
  • Teaches this class at basic, intermediate and advanced levels to help Non-Japanese speakers understand the language. Needless to say, his courses are among the most sought by not only students but other members of the Pantheon who can somehow sneak into his classes.
  • When word of his arrival to teach this course was heard, Kyoko Minazuki was overjoyed and Hayato Nekketsu was proud, knowing their trio was again reunited.
  • Was once called out by Sakura Kasugano for his fighting style being similar to her idol, Ryu. Both Hideo and Ryu don't see the resemblance and generally respect one another.

History: Sid Meier
  • Symbol: Firaxis Games Logo
  • Alignment: True Neutral
  • Used his own game to teach, so many people initially want to get into the class so they could play, then most of these will get turned off because of how complex it is. The rest... are hooked.
  • Other Teachers of this subject: Peabody and Sherman

Mechanics: Teaching Unit R-C-687-040 (Arcee)
  • Symbol: The Autobrand
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • Told the school board she was good at teaching basic mechanics. By the time the confusion was dealt with, and she had the opportunity to explain that she meant she was good at teaching basics of life to mechanical beings, the school year was too far underway to change anything, and she turned out to be too good at the job for her to be able to convince them to let her switch. The fact that nearly all of the students are organics didn't factor in to the board's refusal to change her position at all.

Computers and Electronics: Largo (Great Teacher Largo)
  • Symbol: Either Mr. Muffin muffin cart or the Cool Thing.
  • Alignment: Chaotic Neutral-Goodish
  • Always insist on his class to take off clothes when messing with computers, but never works because of female students protesting and need to compromise to natural fabric clothes only.
  • Expresses a desire to work with the mechanics teacher. They are not allowed to teach classes together, despite some overlap of subject material, as the two in close proximity inevitably leads to Largo being badly injured by Arcee as a response to perceived perversion.

Economics: Nwabudike Morgan
  • Symbol: Morgan Industries logo
  • Alignment: Lawful Neutral
  • One of the very few African professors at the Academy, with its disproportionate Asian population, and thus can come off as highly intimidating despite his generally laid-back nature. The fact that he started his business career as an arms dealer and ended it personally and completely financing mankind's first and final effort to colonize another star system may have something to do with it.

Physics: Dr. Isaac Kleiner
  • Symbol: the Resistance symbol (lambda)
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • After the "cat incident", he request help for the further refinement of his teleportation technology, and test subjects. Not many people volunteer for the latter part.

Applied Physics and Chemistry: Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman (The MythBusters)
  • Symbol: Buster, the crash-test dummy
  • Alignment: Lawful Neutral (Jamie), Chaotic Neutral (Adam)
  • Quite possibly one of the hardest classes to get into in the curriculum, considering the immense waiting list for seat openings. The professors have a reputation of making their class... interesting, to say the least.

Sex Education: Cereza (Bayonetta)
  • Symbol: A pair of crossed guns, a lollipop
  • Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
  • DEFINITELY the hardest class to get into in the curriculum. The professor is very hands on.
  • For those unable to handle the erm... rigorous requirements of the class, Mordin Solus offers to give students an extremely blunt and Techno Babble-ladened version of The Talk.

Philosophy: Sheng-ji Yang

Political Science: Pravin Lal
  • Symbol: Peacekeeping Forces insignia
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • Loathes and is loathed by Yang. The other Unity staff try to stay out of the way.

Criminal Justice: Miles Edgeworth

Ecology and Environmental Science: Captain Planet
  • Symbol: A yellow hemisphere with latitude and longitude lines on it
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • Was an unpopular teacher, until one student started throwing trash on the (outdoor) classroom floor. Captain Planet smote the litterer with lightning. He has been quite a bit more popular since then.

Xenobiology: Deidre Skye
  • Symbol: Gaia's Stepdaughters insignia
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • Comes off as a pacifistic hippy, but don't mess with her. Really. Bad idea.

Statistics: Random Number God
  • Symbol: Nothing in particular, randomly chosen from a list of three hundred or so daily.
  • Alignment: True Neutral, although many make claims in either direction
  • Grades in his class are graded according to a randomly generated curve.

Arts: Yoshinoya-sensei

Computer Science: Dr. Yuuichirou Hikari
  • Symbol: MegaMan's Chest Insignia, looks like two black triangles with a line between them against a red background inside a yellow circle.
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • Renowned for his research, Dr. Hikari actually focuses most of his time on research at the academy and less on teaching students.
  • His position was formerly held by his father, Dr. Tadashi Hikari, professor emeritus, who was also known for his research, as well as for sucking up most of the academy's research budget. Very few people would argue that the money wasn't well spent, but a small handful of his former colleagues who were denied research grants are still jealous.

Applied Battlefield Magic: Quistis Trepe
  • Symbol: Her glasses with her whip curled around them
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • There's a long waiting list to get into Quistis' class, even though many of the students have no interest in magic whatsoever. The instructors know why this is but have not said anything about it.

Self Defense: Jack
  • Symbol: His sword
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • No one knows his real name as he never says it. His "name" is adopted by him after some students start to call him this.
  • The School Board sometimes chastised him for using real sword in class, but since he have never ever injured any students, the Board let the matter pass most of the time.

Photojournalism: Frank West
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • He's covered wars, you know, but was really selected for award winning coverage of the Willamette Incident.

Psychohistory: Hari Seldon
  • Alignment: Omniscient Morality License
  • Symbol: Time Vault
  • Hari Seldon has actually been dead for thousands of years, his classes are taught through prerecorded hologram messages. Hari's credentials as master of psychohistory are generally accepted to be proven by the fact that he managed to predict the existence of the Academy, its student body, and the curriculum requirements given by the School Board.
  • Despite Seldon's disability (being dead) preventing physical appearances class usually progresses smoothly because The Tape Knew You Would Say That. The Second Foundation intervenes directly in rare circumstances where Psychohistory lessons don't go according to plan.
  • Has been rated Teacher of the Year by the board for ten years running, mostly on the basis that, as a series of recorded messages, he doesn't need to be paid a salary.

Bistromathics: Slartibartfast
  • Symbol: A Norwegian fjord
  • Alignment: True Neutral
  • His classes are known for a tendency to develop strange attendance records. The number of students on the roster will constantly change due to people dropping or adding his class, and it will bear little to no relation to the number of students who show up. In addition, nobody in his classes ever arrives just before class starts; everybody is always either late or at least 15 minutes early.

Mahjong/Public Speaking: Junichiro Koizumi
  • Symbol: a set of mahjong tiles
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • Tried to argue that mahjong was important enough to get its own class, but was overulled. He took the job as public speaking teacher instead, and shoves as much mahjong into the curriculum as he possibly can without getting fired. Once he gets tenure, all bets are off.

Medicine: Mordin Solus
  • Symbol: The tattoo upon his forehead.
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • While generally one of the most helpful of the teachers, Mordin tends to confuse others just by how fast he talks.
  • Despite teaching medicine, Mordin can be dangerously ruthless at his worst, especially to those who either threaten his students/patients or perform inexcusable experiments "For Science!", earning him a certain degree of fear and respect from both faculty and students.
  • Enjoys hanging out in the Band Room and singing in his spare time.

Film Studies: Doug Walker
  • Symbol: The Kickassia National Flag
  • Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
  • Would like to point out that he's not The Nostalgia Critic— The Nostalgia Critic is an avatar of him.

School Store: Torneko Taloon

Tailor Shop: Mabel and Sable Able
  • Symbol: The Able Sisters signpost
  • Alignment: True Neutral
  • Aside from creating their own line of regular unique designs, they also encourage Elysium students to submit their own designs.
    • The Houses of Commerce,Craft and Personal Apperance are among their chief sponsors, so designs that have been approved and worn throughout the Academy are said to be soon seen in dress shops and worn by most of the fashion-conscious deities of the Pantheon.

Campus Radio: Three Dog
  • Symbol: The Galaxy News Radio logo
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Upset at having lost the position of God of Radio DJs to Mr. New Vegas, he took this position instead.
  • Aside from playing the best hits of his time (big band music) as well as those from the House of Music, he also acts as the announcer for all Academy-related news and hosts a call-in show to talk about various subjects pertaining to Elysium.
    • Unfortunately, he uses his show to snipe and snark at all evil aligned deities, unlike Mr. New Vegas. He has been constantly warned by Dumbledore that should he continue openly antagonizing evil deities, he will be open to disciplinary action and sent to the Disgraces.

Civil Engineering: Will Wright
  • Symbol: the Maxis logo
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • He refuses to teach underclassmen, because of the fact that their cities always end up being destroyed by giant robots. Especially Calvin's.

Soviet History: Anatoly Cherdenko
  • Symbol: Soviet Flag
  • Alignment: Soviet Evil
  • Anatoly Cherdenko teaches the history of an alternate timeline where as Premier of the Soviet Union, General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, and Generalissimus of the glorious Soviet Union he is leading his country in their righteous struggle against both the Allies and Empire of the Rising Sun.

Caribbean Studies: El Presidente
  • Symbol: Flag of Tropico, Vote El Presidente or Else election poster
  • Alignment: Lawful Neutral
  • Lost the position of teaching Public Speaking to Koizumi in a high-stakes game of mahjongthat included Tropico’s alliance with the Soviet Union and mandatory broadcasting of Japanese language NHK programming in Tropico.
  • Could have taught Political Science but lost to Pravin Lal.

Automotive Engineering and Mechanics: Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May
  • Symbol: Collectively, the Top Gear logo. Individually, Clarkson has a V8 engine, Hammond has a Vanity License Plate reading "OLIV3R", and James May has a loud shirt.
  • Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
  • Initially, the Stig was hired for this position, but it immediately became apparent on the first day of class that he makes a bad lecturer since he can't speak. Worse yet, he freaked out upon spotting a couple Boy Scouts in the class. The Stig was promptly sacked and replaced by Clarkson, Hammond, and May from the House of Travel.
    • After that fiasco, the Stig tried to get himself a research position in the Academy to write research papers and books, but... let's just say that turned out to be a very bad idea. Long story short, he got himself cast into The Fallen, forcing the trio to go down to their Stig Farm to get a replacement Stig for the House of Sports.
  • Initially one of the hardest classes to get into, due to the long waiting list... until Clarkson removed all the chairs from the classroom using a V8 engine connected to a sledgehammer and declared the class "standing room only" to fit more people in the room.
    • At first, the administrators still wouldn't allow him to pack the classroom full because it would take too long to evacuate the room in case of an emergency. They quickly backpedaled and offered to have a new exit door put in after Clarkson took his V8 sledgehammer and headed off to create his own emergency exit.

American Studies: President Michael Wilson
  • Symbol: American Flag, Metal Wolf Mecha, Burning American Justice!
  • Alignment: American Good!
  • Michael Wilson teaches America and the reason is because he’s the President of the Great United States of America! Yeahhh!"

Painting: Robert Norman Ross (Bob Ross)
  • Symbol: A self-done landscape painting with “happy little trees”.
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • After shedding off his mortal coil, he ascended here and took this position with relative ease through the recommendation of his fellow PBS channel affiliate friend, Fred Rogers.
  • His class is handsdown agreed on by faculty and students alike as one of the most peaceful in the curriculum, despite the fact that Ross only specializes in landscape art.
  • He encourages his students to let their creative spirits free as they wished in their paintings. Even if some end up drawing less than adequate works with a few mistakes. He simply says “We don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents.”
  • In his spare time, Ross likes to visit the House of Nature for inspiration and quickly became fast friends with Fluttershy as she found him one of the nicest humans to be around.

Sculpturing: Deidara
  • Symbol: A clay bird
  • Alignment: Chaotic Evil
  • Deidara is not an official teacher, but the direction is afraid to fire him because he only uses explosive clay.

Thermodynamics: Kyubey
  • Symbol: his smiling face
  • Alignment: True Neutral
  • It's likely that his class is more than anything an attempt to get the Incubators' side of the truth out and reverse the intense hatred everyone seems to have for them. It doesn't seem to be working though, and he's almost universally reviled by students and teachers alike. His cold, unemotional treatment of the matter doesn't help.
  • He also occasionally teaches history on the side, replacing Sid Meyer when he's unavailable. His class tends to focus heavily on the contributions of Incubators to human history.
    • Not helping is that he will often skip over very important sections of whatever he's teaching, and then put it on the final exams. When the students complain, he just says that they didn't ask him. His students often have to read through the entire textbook and compare notes with those who have taken his class before just to get a passing grade. Whenever he gets particularly cruel, Madoka and Homura will often come down to teach the class or beat him up, respectively.

Remedial Education: Tarlton
  • Symbol: A red spacesuit with an odd, face-concealing helmet.
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • It's shocking, sometimes, what students have failed to learn, despite being really obvious material they should have gotten in kindergarten. Tarlton's job is getting them up to speed with their peers.
  • Tarlton doesn't use grades, his classes are Pass/Fail and if you fail, you'll be repeating his course next semester.

Music: Sunny Bridges
  • Symbol: His hat
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Became a teacher to get away from the life as a celebrity. He's very good at teaching his students all about music, and thus his class has become very popular. He also has some very loyal and dedicated students that help around every now and then.

Field Trips: Valerie Frizzle
  • Symbol: The Magic School Bus
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Takes her students on amazing field trips. Normal teachers take them to aquariums or museums. Miss Frizzle can transform her students into bees to study them, or travel back in time to witness dinosaurs and even take them into an old black and white movie to learn about spiders. Needless to say, a field trip with her is a wild ride.
  • Her quote: "Take chances, make mistakes, and GET MESSY!"

Ancient Languages and Xenolinguistics: Dr. Daniel Jackson
  • Symbol: the Aht glyph (a sun over a pyramid)
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • Fluent in 29 languages, give or take. Though his Russian accent is terrible.
  • Always keeps a spare set of clothes in the teachers' lounge.

Zoology: Nigel Archibald Thornberry
  • Symbol: His face.
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Recommended to the position by his friend and fellow animal naturalist/show host Steve Irwin. Upon hearing the news, Nigel claimed it was SMASHING!
  • Despite being the best (after Irwin) zoology expert and a outwardly friendly guy, most students are scared of him as a common way for seniors and upperclassmen to break freshmen and new arrivals is to show editted faceswap images of different people and deities with Nigel's face superimposed on them.
  • With the lack of the Commvee, Nigel quickly became friends with Miss Frizzle and allows his students to experience animal life up close and personal with the Magic School Bus.

Creative Writing: Elan
  • Symbol: Banjo, God of Puppets
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Though he is one of the most popular teachers among the students, especially the younger ones, he is also the most common victim of class pranks. Though it is believed that he is Genre Savvy enough that he sees most of the pranks coming, but plays along anyway. He also known to have occasionally pulled pranks on some of the students himself, though he is also quick to act when someone goes to far.
  • Unlike most teachers, Elan likes to play with the other student during recess, unfortunately, the student do get easily annoyed when he starts singing lines like "Hit, hit, hit, the tetherball!", which is half of what he does during recess.
  • Every now and then, Varric Tethras has been known to drop by Elan's classes, usually either to assist him or substitute for him when necessary. Academey staff have offered to take Elan's place, he politely turned all offers (though admitted once to have expressed interest), presumably either due to his work as The Spymaster, and/or his adventures with Hawke and/or The Inqusitor taking up a good chuck of his time.

Wrestling: Bruno Sammartino
  • Symbol: The WWWWF World Championship Belt
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • Opened this class to all students who wish to get into the wrestling business, teaching them the basic wrestling moves. Other wrestling gods come as his helpers from time to time.
  • Drugs are not allowed in class as he feels like they ruin the whole art of wrestling. Instead he gives the students guides about exercising and eating healthy that he insists they follow.

Club Leaders:

Kendo Team: Kyuichi Saionji (boys' team) and Kirino Chiba (girls' team)

Fashion Club: Sandi Griffin
  • Symbol: Pink lipstick
  • Alignment: bitchy and self-centered, but not evil...let's say True Neutral
  • Other Members: Barbie, the Ashleysnote 

AV Club: Freddie Benson
  • Symbol: Mini-DV camera connected to a laptop
  • Alignment: Neutral Good, with a little too much Butt Monkey mixed in lately.

Martial Arts Club: Sakura Kasugano

Photography Club: Maximilian

Astronomy Club: Geo Stelar

Hi-Q Team: Lisa Simpson
  • Symbol: A first-edition Malibu Stacy doll
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • Other Members: Luke
  • Don't mention Calvin around her- his unwillingness to apply his knowledge drives her up the wall. That and he keeps throwing things at her.

Debate Team: Apollo Justice
  • Symbol: A complete collection of "Chords of Steel" tapes
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • Since Apollo is Phoenix Wright's mortal successor, the God of Objections often stops by to visit his protege when he can. Phoenix still has to convince Apollo that the Chords of Steel tapes only make your voice scratchy the next day and won't improve your debating.

Volleyball Team: Natsu Ayuhara (Girls)

Lacrosse Team: Nagisa Misumi (Girls)
  • Symbol: A cell phone with a card-reader slot
  • Alignment: Neutral Good

Softball Team: Saki Hyuuga (Girls)

Dodgeball Team: Kunio-kun (also known as Alex in some continuities)
  • Symbol: A white gakuran.
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good.
  • Besides dodgeball, Kunio & co. also participate in many extreme versions of other sports.
  • Would have taken Daigo's position, but is too busy taking out rival gangs who threaten the Academy.
  • Has a friendly rivalry with Faith when it comes to roofhopping.

Chess Club: Lelouch Lamperouge
  • Symbol: A stylized V-shaped pupil in a glowing red eye
  • Alignment: Impossible to pinpoint.
  • He is known to have a fierce rivalry with Light Yagami.

Cheerleading Team: Kim Possible

Literature Club: Michelle Cheung and Maggie Mui

Video Games Club: Jerry and Dave (last names unknown)
  • Symbol: A GameAVision sampler disc
  • Alignment: True Neutral
  • Other Members: 9-Volt and 18-Volt
  • Club Mentors: Compa and IF
  • Jerry and Dave grew up in the '80s, and have trouble coping with most of the technological advancements of modern video games. Because of this, they get along quite well with 9-Volt and 18-Volt, who love to talk about NES trivia.

Drama Club: Mugi Asai
  • Symbol: A flower petal
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • The duty of being club leader can sometimes lead her to go on shock and speak very erratically, reminiscent of her being a very shy girl who just can't talk in front of many people in the past even though that was now long gone.
  • Other Members: Nagisa Furukawa

Basketball Team: Hanamichi Sakuragi

Tennis Team: Ryoma Echizen

Engineering Club: Richie Foley

Track and Field Team: Faith Connors

Gardening Club: Samwise Gamgee

The SOS Brigade: Haruhi Suzumiya

The Host Club: Tamaki Suoh

Kamen Rider Club: Gentaro Kisaragi/Kamen Rider Fourze
  • Symbol: The helmet of Kamen Rider Fourze with the words "Kamen Rider Club" on a white backdrop
  • The club was created as a way to investigate the legends and stories involving the Kamen Riders. The Kamen Riders liked it so much that Gentaro ascended into a Patron Saint (although he insists that his friends also get a chance to do so).
  • New members must undergo a therapy session and a Secret Handshake courtesy of Gentaro himself.
    • All the main club members have noted that this pretty much means anyone who isn't a monster at least has a chance of getting in.
  • Access to the club is through an old locker that will take you to the moon. Do not be too surprised when you see the majesty of the Earth for the first time. All newbie members will also get a chance to take a walk on the moon's surface and have a heart-to-heart chat with Gentaro before settling in.
    • The Doctor for a time banned anyone from using the locker to go to the moon unless he had inspected it and place a perception filter around it.
  • Please remember to brush up on your Kamen Rider History in the event that you are forced to cosplay as a Kamen Rider for a cultural festival.
    • All members are allowed to join in their monthly talks about the Kamen Riders and participate in a quiz show of it. But do not that you must have an expansive knowledge on the Kamen Rider in question else you'll be lost trying to figure out what's going on.
  • Alignment (All-around): Neutral Good/ Ryusei Sakuta is more of Chaotic Good.
  • Other Members:
    • King of the Infirmary/Strategist: Kengo Utahoshi
    • Space Otaku: Yuki Jojima
    • Club President: Miu Kazashiro
    • Info Broker: JK
    • Powerdizer Pilot: Shun Daimonji
    • Psychic: Tomoko Nozama
    • Double Agent: Ryuusei Sakuta/Kamen Rider Meteor
    • Faculty Adviser: Chuta Ohsugi

Fencing Team: Utena Tenjou
  • Symbol: A pink rose signet
  • Alignment: Lawful Neutral
  • Is involved in a mini-feud with Saionji on the Kendo team for reasons unknown.

Boys Soccer Team: Taichi Yagami

Girls Soccer Team: Nao Midorikawa and Rin Natsuki (Cure March (Nao), Cure Rouge (Rin))
  • Symbol: March Smile Pact & Rouge Pinky Catch crossed together. Alternatively, a soccer ball in the middle of several pots of flower.
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • Their team is officially called "Passionate, Straight-Up Bout".
  • And as a rule, there shall be no ghostly things around their club. They're creeped out with it. Oh, and bugs too, in case of Nao.
  • There's no vice-captains (they're still looking for a candidate, though), both ARE the captains (that idea was Rin's based on her life experience and Nao just went along with it).
  • Even the boys' team would admit that both Rin and Nao has the strongest kicking capabilities amongst the whole soccer teams. Though that could end up as a double-edged sword, in case they kicked too strong it missed the goal...

Wrestling Teams:
  • Mantaro Kinniku, Classic/Pro-style Captain (Kid Muscle)
    • Symbol: His mask next to a gyuudon bowl
    • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Gan Isurugi, Sumo-style Captain
  • Rikochet, Buena Girl & The Flea, Lucha Libre-style Co-Captains
    • Symbol: An "El Rey" action figure standing on the Code of Masked Wrestling with flies buzzing overhead
    • Alignment: Neutral Good, Lawful Good and Chaotic respectively
    • Club Advisor: Rey Mysterio

School Newspaper: Shizuka Nekonome

Rival School Newspaper: Haruo Niijima
  • Niijima's newspaper is not officially recognized by the Academy, but he nevertheless uses it to influence events taking place within the school. His goal is to drive out Nekonome-sensei's newspaper and become the de facto voice of the Academy.

Boxing Club: "Little" Mac (last name unknown)
  • Symbol: A pair of green boxing gloves
  • Alignment: True Neutral
  • Got his reputation by "punching out" many of the video game world's top heavyweights.

Mahjong Fight Club (boys' team): Akagi Shigeru
  • Symbol: A 3/4ths transparent set of Mahjong tiles
  • Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
  • Is also heavily involved in a series of campaigns trying to get the school board to allow high-stakes gambling on campus.
  • Faculty Sponsor: Koizumi-sensei

Mahjong Club (girls' team): Hisa Takei
  • Symbol: Etopen, Nodoka Haramura's stuffed penguin
  • Alignment: On the border between Chaotic Good and Chaotic Neutral. But most definitely Chaotic, especially if the way Hisa plays her Mahjong hands is any indication.
  • Faculty Sponsor: Koizumi-sensei

Psychic Club: Ness and Lucas
  • Symbol: Franklin Badge
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • Students without innate psychic abilities but wish to learn are welcome to the club as well, though Ness and Lucas's attempts at teaching them PK Fire has led to a few... um... unfortunate accidents due to poor aim. The club has become the first to be given its own fire extinguisher, but several members still bring changes of clothes just in case they get put out with water. Again.
  • "Advisor": Shawn Spencer (has no actual psychic powers to speak of, but is damn good at deductive reasoning and the long-practiced art of "faking it")
  • Tomoko Nozama once tried to enter the club but was considered too creepy. How creepy? When she first entered the room, the whole room was cast in a deep shadow that not even a PK Flash could penetrate.

Computer Club: Netto "Lan" Hikari
  • Symbol: MegaMan's Chest Insignia.
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • Although the club is meant for computer and programming hobbyists, they constantly get random people asking them to fix their computers.
  • The Computer Club has caught wind of what happened to the last computer club that crossed paths with the SOS Brigade, so its members are understandably wary whenever Haruhi comes around with a request to fix their computer. They've also learned not to mention the word "duel" if the SOS Brigade is within earshot.

American Football Team: Youichi Hiruma

Juggling Club: Reese Worthington

Baseball:
  • Michael Jones, captain and ace pitcher
    • Symbol: A letter from his uncle (submerged in water, then dried)
    • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Minami Kawashima, manager
    • Symbol: A copy of Peter Drucker's Management
    • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • Other Known Players: Ness, Shoma Sawamura

Paranormal Club: Danny Fenton

Taekwondo Club: Baek Doo-San
  • Symbol: Taekwondo-ka gi viewed from back (with South Korea symbol)
  • Alignment: Lawful Good
  • Known Students: Hwoarang
  • This club was once run by both Baek and Kim Kaphwan, until Kim's ascension. The two still keep in contact, although Baek still refuses to be an overzealous justice arbiter like Kim; it's just not his style.

Swimming Team: Nagare Namikawa, captain

Comedy Club: Miley Verisse (birth name: Mairu Hibisu)
  • Symbol: A collection of recordings of performances by "Stan the Comedy Man"
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Other Members: Bobby Hill
  • Miley likes all kinds of comics, but insists that her club has nothing to do with manga.

Class of 3000: Lil'D (Albert Dilbert Lohrasses)
  • Symbol: The Class of 3000 logo
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Other Members:
    • Tamika (Harp/Guitar)
    • Eddie (Clarinet)
    • Philly Phil (Bass)
    • Madison (Violin)
    • Kim (Percussion) and Kam (Keyboard)
  • When Sunny became a teacher in the Academy, his music class came along for the ride. The group spend their days working on their music and are exceptional at doing so. Their grades...not so much.

Magical Alchemy Club: Marie (Marlone)
  • Symbol: A handful of Unis (spiky plants resembling the outer shell of a chestnut)
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • Marie's alchemy club occupies a curious ground between science and sorcery. Her ability to create sundry goods from otherwise useless raw materials has one section of the student body comparing her to "that MacGyver guy", and another section to a typical fantasy witch, due to the presence of a large cauldron in the club room.

Anything Goes Club: The Cutie Mark Crusaders (Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle , Babs Seed)
  • Symbol: A variation of their Emblem with both a human child and a pony wearing capes.
  • Alignment: Neutral/Chaotic Good
  • Tired at the fillies making a mess of the Pantheon, Applejack and Rarity sent them to Elysium to get a good education and maybe get them to cut down on their shenanigans. They instead formed a unique branch of their club there. Now AJ and Rarity have special contact lines from the administration whenever the Crusaders or any club member gets into trouble in the Academy.
  • Unlike their world's Cutie Mark Crusaders, this club is open for any student (human, pony or otherwise) to find their special talent. Unlike other clubs which specialize in one certain theme, this one is willing to try anything. The only drawback is they try each thing once before moving on to the next crazy plan.
    • Has caught the attention of Ranma Saotome, thinking this club involved his/her homeworld's Anything Goes Martial Arts style but was disappointed it was not. Nevertheless, the Crusaders have asked him/her with ideas on different ways to use martial arts for anything to try out.
  • Twilight Sparkle has become a mentor in what is known as "Twilight Time". The Cutie Mark Crusaders have quieted down and are now focusing on new skills, breathing a sigh of relief from the Academy.

Noted Students:

Nelson Muntz, Schoolyard Bully Leader
  • Symbol: A ripped cream-colored T-shirt and overcoat
  • Alignment: whatever he wants it to be (for recording purposes, it's Chaotic Neutral)

Steve Urkel, Nerd-in-Charge

Ned Bigby, God of Ordinary Students
  • Symbol: Black-and-white Converse Chuck Taylors
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good (wants to be Lawful Good)

Parker Lewis and Ferris Bueller, Gods of Zany Scheming and Hustlers-in-Training
  • Symbols: synchronized Swatches (Parker), an empty composition book (Ferris)
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good (both)

Daigo Kazama, God of High-School Delinquents
  • Symbol: The Gedo High emblem
  • Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
  • Currently has a gang of followers numbering in the hundreds (for both genders). Though he is a delinquent by nature, he still believes in following the rules...just not those of the Academy.

Raspberyl, Demon Valedictorian (Beryl)
  • Symbol: A skull pendant
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Pulls double duty as the Rebellious Rebel goddess. She finds it a lot more satisfying to do what demons aren't expected to do.

Lloyd Irving, God of Stupid Heroes

Calvin, God of Overly Smart Kids (Spaceman Spiff, Stupendous Man, Tracer Bullet)
  • Symbol: A Tyrannosaur in a F-14
  • Alignment: Chaotic Neutral, verging on Evil.
  • Denies any involvement with Lisa Simpson, despite regular sightings of the two either discussing philosophy or engaging in an Escalating War of pranks and increasingly complex insults.
  • Is the leader of G.R.O.S.S., an incredibly exclusive club that he seems unwilling to recruit for. As a result, every male student young enough to believe Girls Have Cooties wants in. His attempts at organising a Calvinball club have been less successful, though the Sports pantheon has shown interest.
  • Considered an apprentice of Haruhi, Axe Cop, and Tyler Durden, the latter of whom people speculate to be perhaps connected to Hobbes in some way.

Larry Kubiak, Professional Locker Stuffer
  • Symbol: a multiple-choice quiz with filled-in circles that spell the words "EAT NOW"
  • Alignment: Lawful Neutral
  • When he's not eating, Kubiak occasionally (very occasionally) takes time to think of new places to stuff Urkel in besides lockers. Parker tries to stay the hell out of his way, for fear he might be next.

Dennis the Menace (unofficially Dennis Mitchell), Precocious Troublemaker

Carmelita Spats (The Nicest Little Girl In The Whole Wide World, Tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian.)

Dave Strider, God of Hipsters
  • Symbol: A broken record.
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good-ish
  • Followers: No one, because having followers is too mainstream.
  • Rumor has it that he used to be on the kendo team, but dropped out because it became so popular that it wasn't cool anymore.

Farkas "Bulk" Bulkmeier & Eugene "Skull" Skullovitch, The school's resident Those Two Guys
  • Symbol: The Angel Grove High School
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Because of the hijinks they're prone to getting into, they tend to be the students that get sent to detention the most often, but it's hard to be bothered by that when one of you carries a 'Detention Survival Kit' which consists of a huge amount of snacks and a TV in a Hammerspace lunchbox...

Renesmee, God-Child of Children That Should Not Be
  • Symbol: A baby bottle full of blood
  • Alignment: True Neutral
  • Renesmee is an odd case among the students of the Academy. She is a fully titled member of the Disgraces, but as she is very young (though supposedly a mental adult), and an extremely Flat Character, some of the good gods felt that she could be raised to be sympathetic to the pantheons. And thus, here she is. Her dhampire abilities are sealed here, so that her mother and father, the God-King and Queen of the Disgraces, can't use her ability to project thoughts like she does when with the Disgraces, as a form of Sparklepire indoctrination.

Ed, Edd, and Eddy, Co-Gods of Big, Thin, and Short Trios
  • Symbol: A jawbreaker
  • Alignments:
    • Ed: Chaotic Good
    • Double D/Edd: Lawful Good
    • Eddy: Neutral Good, formerly Chaotic Neutral

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