Narm / Mass Effect

"Who said anything about love? I'm just trying to get you into bed."

Mass Effect

• Almost every single cutscene in that game can be narmful. The voice acting is not really the problem, but the character models are unbelievably stiff.
• Pressly's wonderfully rage-tastic lines as the Normandy approaches Ilos. "THERE IS NO OTHER LANDING ZONE!"
• Kaidan's post-sex freak-out: "JOKER'S WAITING FOR YOU ON THE BRIDGE! I swear though, if anything happens to you..."
• "Oh Captain... my Captain." Seriously, Ashley? WTF? Double the funny for both horrible delivery and a complete lack of understanding of the poem. Which you can call her out on.
  Shepard: "As I recall, the captain dies in that poem."
  • And in fact, he does!
• Saren's enraged reaction to the news of Shepard's use of the Eden Prime beacon becomes a lot harder to take seriously with subtitles turned on.
  Saren: Argh! Grr! Rahr!
  • It gets funnier. The lighting inside Sovereign turns red and you can subtly hear him in Saren's voice. Yes, that's right! A supposedly all-powerful Reaper is having a tantrum through Saren.
• Benezia's acting on Noveria is a delicious combination of Large Ham and extremely stilted. She's trying so hard to sound grandiose/remorseful/etc, but the dialogue is so direct and delivered in such an awkward manner that it completely loses all impact. This is especially contrasted if you have Liara in your party who is actually doing a decent job reacting to her mother's cheese.
• Shepard's responses to Sovereign during their conversation are ridiculously unimpressive, especially in comparison to nearly every line Sovereign says being a quotable Badass Boast. Especially the final response that Sovereign is "just a machine, and machines can be broken!" This doubles as being an Out-of-Character Moment if you've been playing Shepard as being rather pro-synthetics.
• If Liara is chosen to shoot Saren, her left eye becomes dark, giving her face a Fascinating◊ Eyebrow in what was supposed to be a serious moment.
• Shepard's smirk after emerging from the rubble after Sovereign's defeat is hilariously stiff to the point that it almost becomes The Unsmile. This continues through basically every other time in the trilogy that Shepard visibly smiles. Their facial model was apparently just designed to never look anything other than intimidating.
• The few lines that random enemies keep saying. It gets silly very fast to keep hearing them say the same things over and over. Especially "I will desTROY you!"
• Cpt. Anderson's "Reverse and hold at 38.5" line from the intro easily falls into this, since the broadcast he watched had no time counter, and the implication that he actually counted the exact time of the Sovereign's appearance on-screen is ridiculous.
• The first meeting with the Citadel Council has a glorious example of Failed a Spot Check, as they confidently announce "there are no ties between Saren and the geth" right in front of his 20-foot tall hologram full of geth implants.
• The music in this game can get pretty hammy during some plot scenes, especially whenever some new plot point gets introduced. The scene of Tali playing back the recording of Saren and Benezia for Udina is supposed to be this dramatic reveal, but gets ruined a bit by the melodramatic Scare Chord that accompanies their respective lines.

Mass Effect 2

• The end of one sidequest where you're rescuing an injured quarian. So you've spent five minutes or so killing off the attacking wild animals, and you've got the poor guy in the shuttle. At the last second, one of the horrible things comes charging out of the undergrowth and leaps at the shuttle door... and Shepard roundhouse kicks the little bastard in the face. Yes, roundhouse kicks. It's absolutely impossible to watch without your mind instantly going to Chuck Norris. And sometimes, any varren left alive will still attack Shepard during the cutscene, interfering with the animation (although at least it fades out properly, but still).
• The recorded screaming when enemies are lifted by biotic fields may SOMETIMES get caught on loop even after the supposed character screaming has been killed... and you end up walking around the battlefield with RIDICULOUS amounts of rather silly screaming for the next few minutes.
• Although Arrival was mostly serious, there's Dr. Kenson's line: "Now I will die, having never seen the blessings of the Reapers! And you will just die!"
• The suicide mission is an incredible achievement in programming and logistics, but it can be prone to a couple of moments that are laugh-out-loud hilarious:
  • It is impossible for Miranda to die until Shepard gives his/her final speech before embarking with a team to the center of the Collector base. Until that point, though, it's possible to put Miranda (even an non-loyal one) into hilarious situations. Having her as a support character during the "Long Walk" portion of the mission (with a bad choice made for the person to hold the biotic field) can result in her being dragged off by seeker swarms, then reappearing and almost smiling at the progress of the mission a minute later. That's only possible if you do a bit of modding, though. Normally the other squadmate will get dragged off, usually screaming. Though a few are pretty hilarious.
  • If an unloyal Garrus is picked to lead the second diversion squad, his death scene will be poignant, as he tells Shepard and the gang to go on and "snipe one more" Collector for him... and then his head sags and gets lodged in the damaged section of his neckplate. It kills the mood and looks absolutely hilarious!
  • If you let Zaeed get killed by seeker swarms, it's kind of hard to take seriously.
• The moment in Garrus' loyalty mission that has him moving forward at a crouch... only to look like a mildly pissed-off old tortoise.
• There's a way to get Zaeed killed by cutscene AFTER completing the main mission of the game. It's all pretty normal, even a little dramatic, until the very end, when he makes a very parody-able frown and yells "SHEPARD!" in a totally laughable way.
• DIRECT INTERVENTION IS NECESSARY to stop you from cracking every time a certain character talked. It was as if Blizzard Entertainment was ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL of that character's writing, and gave BioWare one of their voice contacts. It's really amazing how much THIS HURTS YOU if you don't find his lines narmy.
  • It's important to note however, that the first time you hear some of these lines, the fact that they're so personal is horrifying, until Harbinger becomes a regular enemy and you realize that he only has about six lines that are repeated over and over again. It goes from terrifying to hilarious over the course of the first mission he's in.
• How about the "big reveal" of the Human-Reaper. Seriously, when it comes back after being shot down, you'd half expect The Terminator music to kick in. Even more silly, why does it have three eyes? Did the Reapers forget how many eyes it should have?◊ Considering the collector's edition artbook shows several concept designs that looked much more original and outright creepy, it's really generic.
• Jack has a ton. But the absolute crowner has to be her first appearance on the Purgatory, when she realizes a Cerberus ship is coming to pick her up. Her little tamper tantrum is pathetic.
  Jack: Cerberus. Arrr. Grrrr.
• Thane brings us this side-splitter:
  Mouse: You gave me chocolate, Krios. Real chocolate.
  Thane: I never gave my own son chocolate.
• If you hand over the evidence implicating Tali's father during her trial, you prevent her exile but fail the loyalty mission, which results in a very heartbreaking conversation between her and Shepard after the trial. However, immediately after this cutscene ends and gameplay resumes, Shepard expresses excitement over an upgrade he/she receives from Admiral Raan for proving Tali's innocence: "WE CAN USE THIS."
  • If you completed that mission in a way that gets Tali off the hook without handing over evidence against her father, you can also have Shepard and Tali share a relatively sweet moment where the loudest it gets is Tali chuckling and saying "it's fun watching you shout", at the end of which Shepard will yell "I'LL TAKE IT!" at the top of his/her lungs.
• Similar to the above example, after the end of the main story if you talk to Kelly, she'll thank you profusely for rescuing her and the others. If you ask her if she's okay she'll talk about her experience as a captive, sounding very haunted and traumatized, and then she says that she needs to stop thinking about it and get "back to the old Kelly." If you then ask her how the crew is, her answer will be the same as it always is when nobody wants anything, the same "Nothing right now," in the same cheerful, perky tone of voice. Well, she sure seemed to get over that quick.
• Thane's flashbacks start out as interesting and intriguing, but as you have more conversations with him, it starts feeling like you can't ask where he thinks he left his keys without a flashback moment with the same visual and sound effects every time.
• Donovan Hock in Kasumi's DLC mission is loaded with narm. Although this is more of a case concerning the Big Bad's South African accent. Oh and the hilarious over the top scowl his hologram makes should you take the Renegade Interrupt to shoot one of his vault items to bits.
• Some of the unused dialogue and scenes were filled with this, hence them not being used. For example, some of the unused scenes and dialogue for the "Through the Omega 4 Relay" sequence. The Grunt version of the "no armor" scene has him get hit by the Oculus' laser, a scene that gets ruined by Grunt's head clipping through the floor. Granted, some of the others look awkward such as Garrus' collar clipping as well, but what's meant to be a painful shot of the squadmate's bloodied and soot-ridden face is ruined in Grunt's version since you can't see his face. As another example of unused Narm, Thane has an unused "no armor" death cry with other voice actors audibly Corpsing in the background. Even funnier, Legion has an unused death cry for the "no core shielding" scene. No, Legion doesn't say "Fatal errrorrrrr..." or "Critical damage!" like in his other death cries, in this one he actually gives off a hilariously monotone "EYYYYAH." Even didymos1120 (the video's uploader) considered it inappropriate showing no surprise that it went unused.
• Thanks to reused animation, we are given the gift of Legion the geth... acting out of breath in certain scenes. Weren't the geth a race of AI, not Ridiculously Human Robots to that sorta degree?

Mass Effect 3

• This face is all you need.◊
• If Shepard doesn't resolve Steve Cortez's personal struggles before embarking on the final mission, an in-game cutscene occurs where Cortez's shuttle crashes, killing Cortez, and Shepard and his/her human teammates (if they were brought along) each react in the most ridiculous way possible. Freddie Prinze Jr. as Vega sounds like he's getting hyped for the opposing football team scoring ("You're gonna pay for that, you fuckers! WRAGHHHHH!!! Come on! Come on! Yeah!), Kaidan screams like he's falling off a cliff, Ashley sounds like she's either passing a kidney stone or having a toe-curling orgasm, and Male Shepard's reaction is... interesting:
  Cortez: Dammit, I'm hit.
  Shepard: STEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
  Cortez: I'm alright!
  Shepard: (completely deadpan and with no emotion) You sure?
  • Mark Meer has said that he recorded various versions of calling out Steve's name; that version was only meant for if a Male Shepard romanced Steve.
• To some, the Stargazer epilogue for its clunky dialogue delivered by a voice actor (Buzz Aldrin) who seems fond of calling a kid "my sweet", and delivering a blatant in-game advertisement for more DLC.
  • The Extended Cut mitigates this somewhat by removing any mention of DLC in the goodbye message at the end.
• The absurd walking/running animations seen throughout the game. Anderson's floating bowlegged running animation got a lot of comedic mileage pre-release, while the background animations of citizens on the ground running away during the Earth attack (they run with their bodies tilted at a 45-degree angle) and the walking animation of some NPCs on the Citadel (looking down a level at the Presidium Commons shows at least one NPC sliding along the ground without moving his legs) end up being hilariously out-of-place.
• The Kid/Catalyst, especially in the dream sequences, where his legs are moving ridiculously fast while he slowly moves forward, the fact that he often clips over to another position if the player keeps him in sight long enough, and his goofy expressions as he and/or Shepard get lit on fire. It just comes across as trying way too hard.
  • Not to mention that, in any of the slo-mo sequences, you turn at the normal speed. Cue Shepard randomly swiveling in midair.
• There are a lot of ways to kill off the characters in the game. While most of the death scenes are well-done, some are... not so well-done. This compilation shows off most of them, including Admiral Raan nonchalantly shooting herself in the head after the quarian fleet is wiped out by the Geth, and Henry Lawson stupidly falling off a balcony.
  • If Miranda is killed by Kai Leng, she succumbs to her injuries after killing her father, despite there being no visible wounds on her body except for a few cuts on her face.
• While fighting Kai Leng near the climax of the game, Shepard can be throwing grenades/shooting/hurting Kai Leng while the two engage in a conversation.
• The more you watch Kai Leng smacking the ground in slow motion, the funnier it seems to get. Bonus points to his rather hammy battle cry while he does it.
  Shepard: EDI, get me Admiral Hackett. He needs to—-
  [Something shoots the holo-panel. Camera reveals Kai Leng]
  Kai Leng: Not so fast.
  Shepard: You.
  Kai Leng: He did warn you not to overstay your welcome.
  Kai Leng: Rrrrrrrghhh! [As he runs to the ground and drives his fist into the ground, uprooting the floor panels.]
• Honestly, Kai Leng as a whole is pretty Narmy. His face mask looks straight out of Nightwing, his goofy cartwheels during battle, and the fact he uses a sword instead of guns seems to really break lore. And his silly email he sends you is just laughable.
• Shepard is able to hear Kai Leng while idly typing away at the Illusive Man's computer, keeps on typing despite Leng audibly staggering toward him with katana at the ready, and without even trying, turns around and shatters Leng's sword in one hit. Putting aside other factors, how did Shepard manage to pull that off without an omni-tool or biotics?
• There is an accidental Freeze-Frame Bonus where if you take Liara and Garrus on the mission during the Cerberus invasion of the Citadel, when Kai Leng stabs your car and it catches fire, while it starts falling and losing altitude, you can, for a very short moment, see Liara and Shepard struggling to keep the car under control, while Garrus in the back seat has his head tilted backwards with his mouth wide open, looking as if he fainted/is dying, however - it looks hilarious and is full of narm.
• For male Shepards only: The scene at the Shroud with Mordin/Padok about to sacrifice themselves is a masterfully executed Tear Jerker, but one moment is hilariously done. A huge chunk of debris falls, and Shepard yells "DAYUM!" Fem!Shep's equivalent "Damn!" is considerably more restrained.
• In this deleted scene that is another version of Shepard's hearing at the start of Mass Effect 3, Dull Surprise is taken up to eleven ("My god. The Reapers.")^note The voice actors in that scene are clearly placeholders, but that does not retract from the ridiculousness of it.
  Commenter: MASS EFFECT 3 NOW WITH AN ALL ELCOR CAST!
• If Shepard chooses to save the Geth on Rannoch without being able to make peace with the Quarians, Tali will commit suicide and there is nothing that can be done to save her. What's narmy is that if Shepard was romancing Tali in the second game and continued it in the third, she will show up to spend a romantic evening with Shepard just before the assault on Cronos Station. Even if she died on Rannoch, and has been dead for something like twenty hours of gameplay. The game acts as if she has always been there and she disappears immediately afterwards. It's so jarring as to be completely hilarious and impossible to take seriously, and makes it seem like Shepard is hallucinating or dreaming of having sex with his dead girlfriend, or her ghost inexplicably is showing up for post-mortem conciliatory sex.
• From the Destruction epilogue in the Extended Cut: If you end up killing off ALL your squadmates, plus Cortez, but avoid vaporizing Earth, then Joker and Traynor are the only ones left to mourn you in the memorial scene. Traynor is the one who places Shepard's name on the memorial wall. But here's the real kicker: in this scenario, Traynor is invisible due to a glitch. And as a result, you have what looks like a floating name plate attaching itself to the wall while Joker looks on, meaning that either the Normandy is haunted, or that Joker has suddenly developed telekinetic powers.
• Hell, Shepard's name plate in the Extended Cut is narm on its own. Every other Normandy crewman is listed by their full name on the memorial wall, with "Adm. David Anderson" being the most recent addition. But all the series protagonist gets is "Commander Shepard", no attempt to include their first name. It just looks ridiculously unprofessional in context.
• Female Shepard's recitation of the "I'm not losing anything" line during the conversation with the Catalyst is rather hilarious and over the top: "I didn't fight this WAR, so I could GIVE UP everything I HAVE."
• If romanced, in the Citadel DLC a ghostly Thane inexplicably appears to Shepard at the end of the DLC to say goodbye to her. Similar to the Tali romance glitch, some Thanemancers found it heartwarming if cheesy, but it's pretty impressive that one of the few scenes intended to be serious in a DLC filled with intentional crack and Rule of Funny manages to be unintentionally hilarious to so many people.
• In the Omega DLC, Aria delivers a rousing speech to the Omega resistance to get them ready to fight. It could count as a Moment of Awesome, but sometimes, while giving the speech, Aria will suddenly glitch and swivel off-screen like she's glued to a turn table. What makes it even funnier is that the screens in the background showing her do the exact same thing.
  • Aria's voice acting in the DLC in general- it's painfully clear that her VA was more concerned with getting a paycheck than delivering a good performance, which is sad considering Moss gave a decent performance in the last game.
• In the Leviathan DLC many of the indoctrinated NPCs have some comically serious dialogue, but the cake taker has got to be a mining administrator who asks "Are you familiar with the applications of tungsten?" during an otherwise creepy scene.
• The Leviathan DLC provides the opportunity to engage in some extra dialogue with the Catalyst at the end. However, due to choppy editing and redundant dialogue, it's impossible to go through all the available dialogue without making it seem as though Shepard is suffering from short-term memory loss - or trying to pester the Catalyst with rhetorical questions (which the Catalyst will calmly answer anyway).
  • For example, talking about the Leviathans, then immediately following up with questions about the Reapers produces this... awkward exchange:
    [Talk about the Leviathans]
    Shepard: I met your creators. They told me what you did to them.
    Catalyst: We did as we were expected.
    Shepard: They told me you betrayed them. That you turned them into Harbinger!
    [Ask about the Reapers]
    Shepard: Where did the Reapers come from? Did you create them?