Narm: House of the Dead

You came for the zombie-killing action, but you stayed because you laughed your ass off every time Goldman & Frenz opened their mouths to speak. Yes, suffer like G did(?) with the rich, narmy goodness that is DA HOUSE, OF DA DEAD.
  • "The original sin that man is resphaansible to... To protect the loyfe coycle! I have maaaig a creacher to rule over maaahn kiiine! This is tha faynl bawdl! Shoe yourself! Our new ruler, the Empurr!" followed by the camera pointing at a wall.
    • Goldman also points at said wall in a manner bizarrely reminiscent of a talk show host introducing a guest.
    • In fact, not just GOLD MEN, but anything anyone says in any House of the Dead game, but particularly 2.
  • Jane, go and prevent the confusion in the city.
  • Dawgs of the AMS. Time they made-a-moof.
  • Our emperor. Shall awaken soon. Hurry frenz.
  • The chaos of the city is increasing!
  • It's too quiet! >:/
  • G's bloodstains...
  • "We're in a serious state!"
    • Impressively, Amy somehow manages to scream in horror and finish this line at the same time. The gal's got range.
  • HOW COULD ANYONE DO THIS?
    • How could anyone do this...?
  • "Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmmmmm. People of the AMS, I am Goldman! I don't care if you try to get in my way or not. In time, you will find out who's right. Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmmmmm. This is a present from me to you. Look at your left/right. Well, friends. I look forward to meeting you people again."
    • Said, like everything Goldman says, in complete and utter monotone. And not the creepy kind either.
    • He's slightly more emphatic when he says "Look at your left!".
  • We're flying right over the Sunset Bridge. Something or someone has...taken...the city.
  • Too bad. You're better off that way. >:/
  • I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS TYRE TO COME
  • I AM THE ONE WHO RULES OVER NACHER. I SHALL DESTROY AND HAGUE MANKRING. I AM... DA EMPURR!
    • I YAM. I YAM.
  • "What was that?" <earthquake actually happens>
  • GOLD MEN! Do you know what you're doing?
    • I'M FULLY AWARE OF WAHT I'M DOING - CAYN'T YEW SEE? MEN COMMITED A SIN, DISTURBING THE LAYFE CYCLE OF NAYTURE.
  • At last, you've come. Frenz. The dwor. Of feet. Shyall open.
  • I've been way-ting for you, fre-enz...
  • In time, a successer wull coylulm.
  • Suffer like G did?
  • Help ME! Help ME! Aghh! (dies)
  • DON'T COME. DON'T COME.
  • What's wrong... with this? City.
  • I don't wanna die. (Acted like "oh! the bus is late again!")
    • *DIES*
    • MY God.
    • My GOD.
  • Chariot's "dance" before dying.
  • Taken to intentional extremes in OVERKILL.
  • Thank you, Goldman! (right after he's leapt off a building)
  • It's like they're inviting me/us IHHN!
  • I was never any good at gardening.
  • "No, help me!" The strange emphasis is especially funny if you hear this while trying to save more than one civilian at a time ("No, don't help that asshole, help me!").
  • Curien's "Yooooou shaaaaaaaaall aaaaaaaalll DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!" in the first game's intro.
  • We're meeting G over there. *Judgment appears* What?
    • This one sounds especially silly when you're playing on single-player. He still says "we're meeting G", even though he's sitting alone in the car. Who's he talking to?
  • "HUHR-ry-and-RUN to some-wear-SAFE!"
  • "My friend went inside. But they're not back yet. I told them not to go." in a mildly annoyed tone while said friends are being devoured by a giant hydra a few feet behind him.
  • The dramatic tension in the first boss battle of House of the Dead 2 could've been a lot more pronounced had the boss character not said its infamous line ("Suffer like G did?") in the form of a question... and had the boss character not been a squeaky-voiced bat-winged imp controlling a headless suit of animated armor.
    • This same boss, who is in the service of Goldman, also lets out a wail when he dies: "Sir Goooooooooooolllld!"
    • Granted, the first two House of the Dead arcade games were unintentionally hilarious due to the unbelievably bored delivery of the entire vocal cast. The second game's "survivors" are so nonchalant about being chased by the undead it boggles the mind.
      • House of the Dead 2 crossed the line to just Flat-Out Funny when the final stage presented: Cyber Zombies that could walk through walls and had lightsabers. No, really.
      • "TO PROTECT THE LOYFE CYCLE!"
      • "DIS IS DA FINHAL BATTHOL"
      • "I AM. I AM. I AM THE ONE WHO RULES OVER NATURE. I SHALL DESTROY AND HATE MANKIND. I AM... DA EMPEROR!" (And on him dying: "I AM. I AM. [fwoop]")
      • IIIII YAM WHAT I YAM AND DAT'S ALL DAT I YAM...
      • He just said "destroy and hate mankind". So what, you're going to destroy mankind and then hate it because you destroyed it?
      • "IT'S TOO QUIET." Said an a mildly annoyed manner.
      • The Magician: "YOU HAVE NO FUTURE!"
      • It Gets Better in 2-Player mode: "THERE IS NO FUTURE FOR YOU PEOPLE!"
      • At the end, where Goldman dies: "IN TIME, A SUCCESSOR WILL COME." What kills this from being a foreshadowing (as if) is how he says "COME". He sounds like he either has the flu, is gargling, or he's a malfunctioning voice synthesizer.
    • Let's not forget "Don't come!", a dialogue in-joke which has appeared in at least a half-dozen Namco and Capcom games. It was even quoted in Resident Evil 4.
      • When you face Tower, a five-headed hydra, your character reacts with "What?" The Narm lies in how he says it: He sounds like he's seeing anything but a multi-headed monster. He lets out another "What?" when the Magician breaks out of DBR headquarters to challenge him. This time, he sounds mildly annoyed instead of shocked that That One Boss has made his introduction.
    • If the main games weren't intentionally hilarious, Typing of the Dead and the unrelated Touch the Dead certainly were.
    • As if to make up its lacking in 3 and 4, Overkill decided to overdo its Narm, by making G suffer with a Cluster F Bombs dropping detective.
  • HOTD 3 isn't exempt from this, most notably when Lisa and Rogan are reunited and she finds out what "believe in yourself" means. SPOILER ALERT: It means believe in yourself.
    • "You've got to believe in yourself.......... Lisa."
  • At the end of the second game:
    Logan: DAMES!
    James: Row-GUN!
    Logan: G and Hahrry are awll RIGHT! Let's leave da rest to DEM! AUGHN we GO!... To our NEXT bad-owl!
    James: As long as we have de will to lib...
  • A call? From Goldman??
  • What DaaAAa?!
  • Remember, there's no such thing as a second chance.
  • For an actual gameplay-related example, it's kind of hard to take the fight against the Emperor in the second game seriously when his weakpoint is his crotch.
    • Another is just before that. The standard enemies look like robots/Power Rangers with lightsabers. They feel entirely out of place in the game and look ridiculous. They don't even fly apart when you shoot them!
  • Don't kill me! Noooo! Help me! Help me! (You kill the zombies around him.) Thanks! You can get outside that way. (As in "Thanks. I appreciate your help," not "Thank you so much! I owe you my life several times over!")
  • "Point A0063."
  • The "Goldman is a zombie" ending in 2.
    James: "Goldman!"
    Goldman: (same zombie noise as all the other zombie enemies)
  • Goldman's status as a Corrupt Corporate Executive is established with the line, "The 1998 Curien case. Guess who was behind it. Well? It was Goldman. He's the head one of the most eminent financial group (sic), and an expert on the genome (wrongly pronounced with the hard g) theory. We have to stop him!"
  • Barring their quality as is, even the movies aren't safe. The second movie in particular has this: Near the end of the movie, Ellis notices that antagonist Bart (who already had to cut his own hand off) has been bit. How does Bart react? By grinning and seemingly giggling to himself...then screaming "BY A MOSQUITO!!!" with a more pained expression...which he then changes right back into the prior shit-eating grin. Let's see, Bart's ridiculously goofy grin, his "MOSQUITO!" shriek and Ellis' mood all throughout. Well, at least that's game faithful.