History Narm / ChickTracts

** The band's corrupt boss is names "[[LouisCypher Lew Siffer]]". You'd think that rock musicians would spot that allusion a mile away.

** The demon who's been [[GoodAngelBadAngel whispering in Tyler's ear]] forgets which side he's on for a minute:

** Tyler is told of the consequences of continuing down his path:
--->''"You'll be in the lake of fire with billions of others who believe we evolved from monkeys."''

'''Tyler:''' Wow, ''anything'' goes! I can lie, cheat... what's to keep me from becoming a ''[[AGodAmI god]]''?

** Tyler goes a little too far:
--->''"In the '''beginning''', we came from '''goo'''!"''\\
''"You're '''dangerous'''! They don't teach '''that''' in school. We came from monkeys, you '''sicko'''!"''

'''TheGrimReaper:''' Hi there!\\

** And Tyler pays for his beliefs:
--->'''Jesus:''' Cathy ''told'' you that I died for you, but you ''rejected'' me!

** Some of the people coming out of the ark, who very suspiciously resemble [[UsefulNotes/OsamaBinLaden Osama Bin Laden]], Queen UsefulNotes/ElizabethII, [[UsefulNotes/MaoZedong Mao Zedong]], and [[UsefulNotes/IranianRevolution Ayatollah Khomeini]].

--->"[[SymbolSwearing @!!!&& !!]] There's nothing wrong with adultery or lying!"

** Everything's piling on this one guy. Keep in mind that the cancer part wasn't even mentioned until this panel.
--->"I'm '''UNWANTED, UNLOVED, DISOWNED...''' and the doctor says I'm dying of '''CANCER!'''"

* In ''[[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0041/0041_01.asp Flight 144]]'', Chick introduces a typically jolly, respectable-looking Christian evangelist missionary couple who have been running a charity in Africa their whole careers. But their plane crashes, and they get sent to hell [[CantGetAwayWithNuthin for not proselytizing]] and using their charity to draw people into their church. It's one of Chick's most infamous tracts, since it's also one of those tracts that makes God appear to be [[JerkassGods kind of a jerk]].

--->"'''AAAHHH... My leg's on fire!''' Somebody HELP! [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction I can't stand it]]! '''[[CaptainObvious I'm burning]]!'''"

'''Dolly:''' Then I've been '''LIED TO!''' We were told that hell was '''[[AHellOfATime one big party]]'''... and all our friends would be there.\\

* In ''[[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0041/0041_01.asp Flight 144]]'', Chick introduces a typically jolly, respectable-looking Christian evangelist missionary couple who have been running a charity in Africa their whole careers. But their plane crashes, and they get sent to hell [[CantGetAwayWithNuthin for not proselytizing]] and using their charity to draw people into their church. It's one of Chick's most infamous tracts, because it seems to teach that no matter how good a person you are, you'll go to hell unless you worship Chick's specific God, who appears to be [[JerkassGods kind of a dick]].

* In ''[[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0041/0041_01.asp Flight 144]]'', Chick introduces a typically jolly, respectable-looking Christian evangelist missionary couple who have been running a charity in Africa their whole careers. But their plane crashes, and they get sent to hell [[CantGetAwayWithNuthin for not proselytizing]] and using their charity to draw people into their church. It's one of Chick's most infamous tracts, because it seems to teach that no matter how good a person you are (and in direct contrast to Literature/TheBible's claim that you ''can'' be saved by good works), you'll go to hell unless you worship Chick's specific God, who appears to be [[JerkassGods kind of a dick]].

* In [[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1026/1026_01.asp the comic about guardian angels]], the angel leaves after one [[ADateWithRosiePalms masturbation]] too many, only to return to save the guy from a random Satanist stabbing.

** Debbie, whose cleric is at least Level 8, declines to talk with Marcie on the phone, saying that she's too busy fighting "[[TheGoomba the Zombie]]" -- which she should be able to destroy in a single TurnUndead roll. More bizarrely, she's playing by herself, so if it's really too hard for her, she can just put on her DM hat and decree the zombie gone. Furthermore, Dungeons and Dragons is a turn-based game, and Ms. Frost, the DM, stopped the game to pick up the phone, so Marcie should be able to take a quick break.

* ''The Gay Blade'':

** The wrinkled face Debbie makes to proudly claim that she has managed, thanks to D&D, to perform her first real spell: convince her father to... buy more D&D stuff! Is that the most power the game has to offer?

** The shaved heads and long hair. Long hair on men is a symbol of the American Indian Movement, so we'll give him credit for that, but it still has UnfortunateImplications.

** Some of the people coming out of the ark, who very suspiciously resemble [[UsefulNotes/OsamaBinLaden Osama Bin Laden]], [[UsefulNotes/HMTheQueen Queen Elizabeth II]], [[UsefulNotes/MaoZedong Mao Zedong]], and [[UsefulNotes/IranianRevolution Ayatollah Khomeini]].

* ''[[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0094/0094_01.asp The Last Generation]]'' is set TwentyMinutesIntoTheFuture and is Jack Chick's vision of [[StrawDystopia everything that will happen if the people he hates have their way]]:

* ''[[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp Dark Dungeons]]'' is one of Chick's most infamous tracts -- and it's an ''incredible'' narm fountain, if only because it espouses the evils of ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'' and showcases Chick's [[CriticalResearchFailure unparalleled ignorance]] of a game [[CowboyBebopAtHisComputer he's clearly never even seen]]:

* In ''Room 310'', one brother impersonates the other and gets executed for murder, and the surviving brother confesses later -- only to avoid punishment because someone already paid for the crime. This shift from justice to bloodlust manages to cross the line from CriticalResearchFailure to hilarity.

** The assassinations of UsefulNotes/AbrahamLincoln and UsefulNotes/JohnFKennedy (notwithstanding [[CriticalResearchFailure Kennedy being the first Catholic president]])

** Chick's [[CriticalResearchFailure references to]] the "Egyptian Sun God, Osiris" and the "Babylonian Sun God, Baal".

** Protestant bookstores [[EveryoneHasStandards removing his comics from the shelves]] because his claims are so virulent (and erroneous) that even his own followers were tired of them.
* Oh, and on the topic of the darned Papists -- ''[[https://www.angelfire.com/on/3angels/nameinvatican.html My Name ... In the Vatican?]]''. Chick apparently believes that the Roman Inquisition currently has the name of ''every Protestant church member'' stored on a big computer in the Vatican. Yes, one big computer in Rome stores the name of every Bible-believing Protestant Christian for ... unknown reasons. If you want proof of Rome's influence today, [[InsaneTrollLogic just look at how many Christian bookstores refuse to publish this story]]!

* Surprisingly, ''[[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5014/5014_01.asp Payback]]'' manages to do this to [[GodSaveUsFromTheQueen Queen Jezebel's]] FamilyUnfriendlyDeath, particularly when you see a dog burping after finishing eating her corpse, and the preacher/narrator's [[CaptainObvious description]] of it:

** The Ku Klux Klan (which hates Catholics)

** Chick's conception of the game seems to be backwards. Ordinarily, the player says what they want their character to do, and the DM tells them the results of their actions. In Chick's world, the DM tells the player what their character does, and the player gives the result of the actions. A Chick-rules RP session reads like a weird mix of {{Railroading}} and MontyHaul.

--->"It's my fault Black Leaf died. I can't face life alone!"

* Most of ''[[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0055/0055_01.asp Big Daddy?]]'', which features not only Chick's flimsy attempts at proving creationism "scientifically", but also his depiction of an ordinary biology teacher hanging a portrait of a chimpanzee labeled "Our Father" in his classroom, and who turns into a frothing madman when one of his students disagrees with his stance on evolution.

** A gay reverend is preaching to a man in the hospital about how God loves everyone, including homosexuals.[[note]]He's got a point: there's a strong argument that the Bible doesn't explicitly condemn homosexuality, but just gay sex (or perhaps just gay gang-rape), and God loves everybody regardless of their sin. Not that Chick thinks so.[[/note]] A man in the hall overhears this and [[BigDamnHeroes bursts through the door to stop him]]. He compounds the Narm by screaming:

** The tract dismisses the existence of gluons, only to then suggest, with a straight face, that '''''Jesus''''' holds all atoms together. Even for the Son of God, literally holding the fabric of the universe together seems a bit above his pay grade.

* Oh, and on the topic of the darned Papists -- ''[[https://www.angelfire.com/on/3angels/nameinvatican.html My Name ... In the Vatican?]]. Chick apparently believes that the Roman Inquisition currently has the name of ''every Protestant church member'' stored on a big computer in the Vatican. Yes, one big computer in Rome stores the name of every Bible-believing Protestant Christian for ... unknown reasons. If you want proof of Rome's influence today, [[InsaneTrollLogic just look at how many Christian bookstores refuse to publish this story]]!

** "Lew Siffer" presents a chart explaining how he masterminded the evolution of rock music, classifying Music/ElvisPresley and Music/TheBeatles as HardRock (when [[MohsScaleOfRockAndMetalHardness they're really really not]]). By Chick's logic, every rock band on Earth -- even the Beatles and their SillyLoveSongs, [[TheMoralSubstitute even the Christian bands]] -- are writing demonic heavy metal bent on sending souls to hell. If there's no such thing as TheMoralSubstitute, Chick has a lot to answer to, considering comic books were TheNewRockAndRoll once upon a time.

** Chick's portrayal of Lance's suicide and subsequent condemnation to Hell, in his mind, is [[SomeAnvilsNeedToBeDropped an anvil that needed to be dropped]]. But he handles it so poorly, it's impossible to take seriously: Lance gets surrounded by goofy cartoon demons and shouts incredibly narmy dialogue:

** UsefulNotes/{{Mormonism}} (which also likes to blame Catholics for everything);

** God is a [[YouCannotGraspTheTrueForm gleaming]] EldritchAbomination who eternally damns his children. (Scarily, the first part is one of the few parts of Literature/TheBible Chick gets right.)

'''Chick's asterisk:''' Lie! Here's an absolute: the words of God!