Narm / Castlevania
What is narm
? A miserable little pile of would-be drama! But enough talk! Have at these Castlevania
- Any time there is dialogue in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. Alucard's voice actor is surprisingly good, but the script makes one want to cry. The most infamous examples are Richter's "Die Monster! You don't belong in this world!" and Dracula's "What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk, have at you!"
- I Wanna Be the Guy parodies this by making it even more narmful. It repeats the lines verbatim, but The Kid's squeaky high voice makes it even more hilarious. Just watch out for that wineglass.
- Another parody, by Kajmaster Kajet:
"What is a man? A miserable little pile of BULL SHIT! THAT'S WHAT IT IS! YA FUCKIN' ASS."
- In the Dracula X Chronicles remake for the PSP, the above quotes were retranslated:
"Dracula, die now and leave this world! You'll never belong here!"
"Ha! Mankind. A cesspit of hatred and lies. Fight for them, then, and die for their sins!"
- This dialogue is used at both the end of Dracula X Chronicles and the beginning of Symphony of the Night, which makes sense since the end of the former is the beginning of the latter.
- The "What is a man?" line is a quotation from the French Philosopher Andre Malraux.
- And then there's this part:
"I was brought here by... heeyoomiiiiiinssss... who wished to pay me tribute."
- Even with the re-recording, there's quite a bit of Narm, particularly Richter's "What have I DONE!?"
- Symphony also includes the scenes where a defeated Succubus is promised a Fate Worse than Death by Alucard and lets out a final scream of terror/orgasmic moan that may even trump "What is a man?" for sheer Narmfullness.
- Though, above all else, how could anyone, whether actors or the people recording, avoid laughing hysterically at this... inspired performance?
- In the game, there is a "Librarian" from who you can buy items. His overly enthusiastic and cheesy thank you message for buying something, "Heh-heh-heh- THANK YOU!" is highly quotable.
- In Castlevania 64, a nearly-functional jump scare is spoiled because the vampire in question must have jumped straight out of a solid oak table in the middle of the room to attack the player from the angle he does. To conceal this, in the next shot, the table vanishes.
- The fact that there are skeletons on motorcycles in a game that takes place in the 19th century is kind of amazing.
- Who could forget the dramatic line "I'll kill you, AND THE NIGHT!" from Castlevania: Lament of Innocence?
- Some of the Mistranslations and Engrish are funny enough on their own to be level-breakers despite having no storyline importance.
- The infamous Cthulhu/Malachi name switch. Even in subsequent games, Malachi (who is supposed to be Cthulhu) kept the wrong name.
- Though the Lovecraft estate can be rather litigious... this was probably for the best.
- In Aria, Lubicant should have been Rubicante, and Curly should have been Kali. Lubicant tends to suffer major confusion with the word Lubricant.
- Order of Ecclesia's item to do a Double Jump, instead of being called Leap Stone like it was in Symphony of the Night, is called Ordinary Rock.
- During Symphony of the Night's ending, Alucard loses about 10,000 points when he says the word "love." It's all the way at the end, so he gets away with it:
Dracula: H... how... how, how is it I've been so defeated?
Alucard: You have been doomed ever since you lost the ability to love.
- "Ah... sarcasm. "For what profit is it to a man, if he gains the world and loses his own soul?" Matthew 16:26, I believe."
- Dawn Of Sorrow has a player-induced one. One of the bad guys, Dmitri, has the ability to copy any attack used on him and will keep using that attack. The Apprentice Witch bullet soul shoots out a purple cat that will give a high-pitched meow. During the battle, dramatic rock like music plays. Thus, it is possible for the entire battle to consist of two people throwing small purple cats at each other to epic battle music.
- Or the Cave Troll soul during that fight. Seriously, you and Dmitri can have a licking fight.
- Bonus points for the Cave Troll since he dramatically extends his arm to a length of about double the attack's range.
- The PSP tactical RPG Jeanne d'Arc features "Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!" verbatim when Jeanne and her cohorts storm Gilvaroth's throne room. It ruined the dramatic entrance with unstoppable laughter.
- Hector's 'oh shit' moment in Castlevania: Curse of Darkness just after the second brawl with Isaac skirts the border of Narm... until he thuds onto his knees and clutches at his head like Cloud Strife experiencing a migraine. Then it leaps gleefully headfirst into Narmsville. That doesn't destroy the moment, though — this is Castlevania we're talking about.
- Any dialogue between those two is a Foe Yay-fueled Large Ham competition anyhow.
- Isaac usually wins these. Probably because Hector's distracted by those frigging pants. Heck, the dialogue in general for Curse of Darkness can get like this, as it tries to sound Shakespearean.
- They really should've put in more voice acting for Hector during gameplay. "Go!... Go!... Go!... Go!..." can get a little bit annoying.
- Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia: The SHOOOAR war/deathcries of Brachyura and Gravedorcus. It sounds specifically like a person trying to sound like a monster and failing hilariously.
- Barlowe telling Shanoa, "Now die, and YIELD [DOMINUS] TO ME!" lost some of its drama with the CAPSLOCK shouting, and more when Dominus is bracketed.
- DIE SHANOA!
- When he uses his electric attack, as he flies around, he giggles, sounding like a little kid going down a slide.
- Shanoa saying "I am the morning sun, come to vanquish this horrible night!" — a callback to a poorly written line in Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, while preparing to storm Dracula's castle.
- And who could forget the fight against Rusalka? RAAAAAGE BE WILD!!!!
- Dracula is twice as big as his own coffin when Camilla wakes him up at the beginning of Circle of the Moon.
- Brauner's death cry in Portrait of Ruin: "(SCREAMS)"
- Shaft. There is an evil priest named Shaft. More specifically, a dark-skinned evil priest named Shaft. It is physically impossible to see or think of him without thinking of blaxploitation.
- After going on a dark and epic journey to defeat Dracula, SotN ends with a song that could very have well been a collaboration by Celine Dion and Kenny G. Cheesy and utterly cringe-inducing at its finest. Let's face it, after slogging through a demonic castle (with awesome music to boot!), you weren't expecting the game to close with an extremely 90's song that could fit in any Disney movie.
- This music is just... way, way, way too chipper and upbeat for a Castlevania game. It's actually a redone tune from the arcade game Haunted Castle, Clock Tower's Beat, but still.
- This track. It sounds like something that should be played at a rec center.
- The first 10 seconds or so of Lament to the Master, awesome as the song is, sound like something out of Super Mario Kart. Thus it can be difficult to take seriously.
- Dracula's One-Winged Angel form in the original Castlevania, a.k.a. the Cookie Monster. Fortunately, updates to this form in Castlevania Chronicles and Castlevania: Rondo of Blood look a lot more menacing.
- In the English translation of Super Castlevania IV, the Dual Bosses were named Paula Abghoul and Fred Askare. Really, every single instruction manual for the NES and SNES games was brimming with things like that. Apparently, the copywriters at Konami USA vastly overestimated their sense of humor, and they tossed out whatever canon Konami had come up and replaced it with some of the most painfully, wretchedly terrible jokes and puns you'll ever see. The result is basically reverse Narm; it's trying to be funny, but fails so hard that it makes the reader a little sad inside. And no, Konami's other properties like Contra and Metal Gear didn't escape this treatment, either.
- Castlevania: Judgment
- Opinions are split regarding whether Death's opening quote, "If you wish for death, here I am", qualifies as this or a Badass Boast.