You Do NOT Want To Know
"Trust me on this: you don't wanna know. Audrey, don't tell him. You shouldn't've told me, but you did, and now I'm telling you, you don't wanna know!"Some secret about Character A is mentioned, either by the character himself, or by somebody else. When queried, someone replies "You don't want to know. Just trust me on this." Or words to that effect. Whether we actually find out what it is varies — if we don't, it can turn into a Noodle Incident, and might be set up for one or more un-reveals. The characters who do know will usually try to avoid talking about it. More often than not, this phrase can just end up as Schmuck Bait. In other cases, we do find out. If played for comedy, the secret will turn out to be relatively innocuous - or at least, not nearly as far-out as what the other characters — and probably the audience — have imagined it might be. If played for drama (as in horror movies) it'll turn out that the secret is, indeed, quite bad, and that the others would, in fact, have been better off not knowing. Either way, this may well end in someone frantically grabbing for the nearest container of Brain Bleach. A Genre Savvy person can start to ask, and then conclude that no, they're better off not knowing. If curiosity gets the best of them, it will be followed with "I'm afraid to ask, but..." And sometimes, it's just Too Much Information. Other stock phrases include "I don't want to know, but at the same time, I really want to know...", "That means you do not want to know, trust me," and "Don't Ask." If said by a mentor, it is likely to be an Awful Truth. If they experience enough such events, it can lead to a character who has Seen It All. Not to be confused with These Are Things Man Was Not Meant to Know... even if, in some cases there may be some overlap. However, it can be used to invoke Nothing Is Scarier. See also Take Our Word for It, I Have My Ways. Compare Plausible Deniability, for when your sanity could probably handle it, but you still don't want to know because your legal standing maybe couldn't.
— Joshua Sweet on Mole's past, Atlantis The Lost Empire
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Anime and Manga
- The eponymous spaceship of Space Battleship Yamato 2199 is equipped with the OMCS, which synthesizes food in nearly unlimited quantities. An officer (who doesn't eat much) says this line to a crewman (carrying a heavily laden tray) who asks how it works.
- Jeff Foxworthy had a joke once involving his mother. "I don't want to know where you've been, what you've been doing, or who you were doing it with." Flipped on its head when his mom says, "Now where were you?"
Jeff: I thought you said you didn't wanna know.
Jeff's Mother: I changed my mind, Mr. Smarty. Where were you?!
(Without going into specifics, it turns out what he was doing did make his mother regret hearing it...but his father wanted to learn more. Hint hint.)
- In Noob, Elyx tells this to Valentin when he asks how she managed to escape the psych ward in which she was held.
- A Crown Of Stars: When Lord Verfico mentions that it takes a decade or two to get promoted, Shinji asks how old he is. Asuka -who aready knows people in Avalon live hundreds of even thousands of years- says he does not want to know. A short while later Shinji asks anyway, and when she tells him, he agrees he did not want to know.
Verfico: “Mmm, a decade or two, if you’re in a very active unit, or if you’re a hot-shot hero like you two were. I’ve seen your records, you two would have made rank quickly given what your war was like.”
Shinji: “A decade or two? But… that’s… How old are you?”
Asuka: “Don’t ask, Third. You don’t want to know.”
- Doing It Right This Time:
- During a conversation:
"Asuka, have you taken up Zersetzung as a hobby or are you genuinely planning to-?"
"Don't ask the question unless you're sure you want to know the answer."
- And in a preliminary version of the story, Misato and Asuka have this conversation:
Misato:"You keep telling yourself that. So... you going for a vee or a full triad?"
Asuka:"Wha-a...? I don't know what you mean!"
Misato:"I can read English as well as you can, Asuka. I saw the book cover."
Asuka:(sighinh)"I don't know yet. I'm hoping for a triad, I don't think I could cope with a vee if the fulcrum was someone else. And how do you even know what those words mean?"
Misato:"There are parts of my dating history you probably don't want to know about."
Asuka:"No. No, I don't."
- During a conversation:
- The Man with No Name has this:
Mal: Kaylee, find something for the doc to do. He don't need to be fussin' the whole time we're gone.Kaylee: He and I can–Mal: I don't want to know. Some things I really, really don't need to hear, little Kaylee.Kaylee: I was gonna say 'we can finish up some repairs in the kitchen'. Why, what did you think I was gonna say?
- In the Saki doujin, My Childhood Friend, Moko Tsuiki, one of Kei's friends and a practice partner for the Achiga team, reveals that she's not participating in the team tournament or the individuals because she's suspended from public games. When Shizuno asks her why, Moko tells her "It's better that you don't know."
- In The Prayer Warriors, Carter Kane decides to help William against Horus because Horus is ordering Carter to go to America against his wishes. Carter says bad things happened to him in America, but refuses to elaborate.
- Not of Blood:
The look on Molly's face made Remus think of one of their old DADA teachers, an older gentleman, the first time he'd overheard James' rather loud reference to 'Remus' furry little problem.' The man had stared at the four of them before saying half under his breath, "Part of me wants to ask, the other part of me says knowing will be more disturbing than anything I could ever imagine."
- In Book One: Death Harry requests the Gringotts goblins to locate a parachute for him. One of them asks why he could possibly want one.
Harry: Master Rotgut, a wise individual once told me never to ask a question that you really don't want to hear the answer to. Trust me when I say you don't want to know the answer.
- Pony POV Series: Princess Luna tells the Interviewers they don't want to know where Zap Apples came from. Zap Apples are very delicious, but Luna claims if the secret of their creation ever got out, their market value would drop like a stone.
Films — Animated
- Atlantis The Lost Empire:
- Used for an extended gag when Milo asks Audrey about the backstory of Gaetan 'Mole' Moliere, after having heard the backgrounds of the rest of the cast. She's just opened her mouth when Dr. Sweet delivers the page quote. Seeing as Moliere is a short, creepy French dude obsessed with soil and rock, and an intense aversion to bathtime, he may be right.
- In the sequel, Milo says that he thinks Moliere was raised by naked mole rats. Given that it went Direct-to-Video...
- In an issue of Disney Adventures, it was stated that he spent most of his childhood exploring in the sewers of Paris.
- The Little Mermaid:
- During Poor Unfortunate Souls, when Ursula is throwing all those ingredients into her cauldron, we're probably all better off not knowing what happened to cause the contents of those beakers to have eyes.
Films — Live-Action
- In Jurassic Park III, when Alan Grant discovers the missing kid has collected a jar of Tyrannosaur urine, the smell of which scares most dinosaurs away. How did he collect it? You don't wanna know.
- Played with in Big Trouble in Little China, when the heroes meet Lo-Pan's beholder-like eye-covered spy creature:
Jack Burton: "Oh my God, what is that!? Don't tell me!"
Egg Shen: "Lo-Pan's spy. What it sees, Lo-Pan knows!"
Jack Burton: "I said, 'don't tell me!'"
- Used as a joke in UHF:
Stanley: Hey, George, is something wrong?
George: Stanley, you don't want to know.
Stanley: (Scratches head in confusion) Then why'd I ask?
- An exchange in Free Enterprise has an imaginary William Shatner talking with a young version of Robert, one of the main characters, during a fight he got into while wearing a TOS gold uniform. When prompted Young Robert reveals it was he that started the fight.
Young Robert: Well... it was something he said.
William Shatner: What'd he say?
Young Robert: You really don't want to know.
William Shatner: I really do want to know!
Young Robert: He said that Han Solo was cooler than Captain Kirk.
William Shatner: Kick the little fucker's ass.
- In Shallow Hal, Mauricio tells Hal he was born with a tail.
Hal: "I gotta see this."
Mauricio: "Naw, naw, you don't wanna see this."
Hal:: "No, I don't wanna, I gotta."
- This is a frequent theme in Batman Begins. The following dialogue refers to stuffed animals being used to smuggle in drugs.
Flass: The bears, they go straight to the dealers.
Falcone: And the rabbits go to the man in the narrows.
Flass:: What's the difference?
Falcone: Ignorance is bliss, my friend. Don't burden yourself with the secrets of scary people.
- David Lynch has always refused to ever talk about how they made the baby in Eraserhead because of this trope.
- In Arnold Schwarzenegger's film Commando, when Matrix takes a bite of the sandwich Jenny makes:
Matrix: What's in this?Jenny: You don't want to know.
- The Big Lebowski: The Dude's "fake kidnapping" theory is apparently disproven when Lebowki receives Bunny's toe. Walter is not convinced.
Walter: You want a toe, Dude? I can get you a toe. You don't want to know about it but there are ways. I can get you a toe by 3:00 this afternoon. With nail polish.
- The novelisation of V: The Final Battle doesn't have the scene where the nasty young human collaborator Daniel Bernstein gets dragged off to "serve us better" after being framed by La Résistance, but it does have Eleanor Dupres asking what happened to him and being told by a Visitor: "Believe me, you wouldn't want to know!"
- In the Wraith Squadron books of the X-Wing Series, Imperial agent Gara Petothel caused the deaths of every member of Myn Donos's squadron, which sent him into a Heroic BSOD. Later Gara Petothel joined his new squadron with plans to destroy this one as well, but she began to enjoy her life in the squadron as "Lara Nostil" and decided to become a member for real. She and Donos started falling in love with each other, but she knew it could only end badly as she was only going to be able to hide the secret for so long.
"I could say twelve words, and when I was done, the least you'd do is turn away and leave me alone forever."
He could tell that she was speaking the truth, and the fact that she had the power to do this, to send him away, dismayed him. "Then don't say them."
Myn Donos: "I want to make you smile with something other than a wisecrack. I want to know who you really are."
Her laugh, sudden and hard, startled him. "Oh, no, you don't."
Wedge: "Any of you understand that? Her mood swing?"
- In Starfighters of Adumar, a later entry in the X-Wing Series, Wedge's young guide falls for him and starts acting strangely.
Tycho: "I think I'd shoot myself before getting involved in this conversation."
Hobbie: "Not one of my languages, Wedge."
Wes: "I understood her, boss. But you don't want to know. Trust me on this."
(Wedge insists, and Wes ends up giving a very accurate, very logical explanation to the girl's behavior. Then…)
Wedge: "Wes, you were right."
Wes: "You didn't want to know."
Wedge: "I didn't want to know."
Face: "Somehow, every time I learn something new about Palpatine, I wish I hadn't."
- Played for Black Comedy in the New Jedi Order novel Rebel Stand. A commando team is on Coruscant and learn that Emperor Palpatine had special programming put in the atmospheric processors so he could suffocate whole sections of the planet on a whim. Face Loran remarks:
- The Outcast of Redwall features a hare nicknamed Jodd. His full name results in this trope, and in the end we only hear part of it. According to the official website's "Ask Brian" feature, it's ""Wilthurio Longbarrow Sackfirth Toxophola Fedlric Fritillary Wilfrand Hurdleframe Longarrow Leawelt Pugnacio Cinnabar Hillwether Jodrellio".
- The Golden Globe by John Varley averts Forbidden Fruit in this regard: to show that you don't want to know how Charonians have sex, you're given a description of their coming-of-age ceremony. For context, Charonians regenerate quickly and worship pain, and the ceremony itself is either Narm or Nausea Fuel.
Anghammarad: "Neither Deluge Nor Ice Storm Nor The Black Silence Of The Netherhells Shall Stay These Messengers About Their Sacred Business. Do Not Ask Us About Sabre-Tooth Tigers, Tar Pits, Big Green Things With Teeth Or The Goddess Czol." [...]
- Used in Thud! when Vimes asks about the worst of dwarven signs, the Summoning Dark, and is informs he does not want to know. When he asks again, he's told that no, he really doesn't. He starts to ask again before deciding that in fact that's correct, it's mystical stuff that he doesn't believe in, and drops it.
- In Going Postal the ancient messenger golem Anghammarad recounts his motto:
Moist: "The goddess Czol?"
Anghammarad: "Do Not Ask."
- The modern Ankh-Morpork post office declares that neither sleet nor snow nor gloom of night shall stay these messengers about their business, with its own "don't arsk us about" list. Mrs. Cake appears twice.
- The Lemony Narrator does this to the reader in Thief of Time, when Famine talks about his love of salad cream sandwiches. A footnote advises readers from societies where the traditional condiment for salad is mayonnaise not to even ask.
- In Making Money, Dr. Hicks tells Moist "You don't want to know about the squid."
- Subverted and inverted early on in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, when Arthur takes the precaution of asking Ford, "if I were to ask you where the hell we were, would I regret it?" Ford cuts to the chase and tells him where they are. Arthur was probably happier when he didn't know.
- Used in a decidedly non-comedic fashion in Memory, Sorrow and Thorn, when Shell-Shocked Veteran Camaris refuses to tell the protagonists about his mysterious past that led to a Heroic BSOD, on the grounds that it's too shameful. He does confess it twice, once to a priest and once to Prince Josua, and both emerge from the experience wishing they hadn't been told. At the end, it's revealed that he's Josua's father, and lived his life afterwards in misery over his weakness and the subsequent Death by Childbirth of the woman in question.
- During a Doctor Who short story, a skeleton grabs the Tenth Doctor by the ankle as it claws its way out of the earth. The Doctor, not taking his eyes off Rose, asks if he should look. She shakes her head.
- In the Gaunts Ghosts novel His Last Command, Vortenhus is told that he does not want to know what a glyf - a Chaos tripwire-like thing, the sight of which can drive a man insane - is.
- The Dresden Files
- In the novel Death Masks, Harry Dresden finds himself having a conversation with his friend Micheal's teenage daughter Molly, after escaping a situation that left him with handcuffs danging from one wrist. During their talk, Molly produces a set of handcuff keys and finds one that matches the cuffs he's wearing. When Harry asks how she got the keys, she tells him to ask himself if he really wants to know the answer to that question. Harry decides he doesn't.
- Repeated with the medical pinwheel thing. Apparently they have recreational uses. Molly used to hang out with a weird crowd. Harry decides to not pursue that line of reasoning.
- In a more serious use of this trope, Harry initially keeps even his own allies Locked Out of the Loop in regards to the magical world for this very reason. After Murphy calls him out on it, specifically telling him that trust is a two-way street, he begins asking his friends if they really want to know this kind of stuff; invariably they say yes and become staunch allies.
- In Kushiel's Dart, the heroine is speculating about her mentor's mysterious past, and a listener who can predict the future tells her: "You will rue the day all is made clear." The prophecy is exactly correct. However, this is not because he has a terrible secret. It's because the same day she finds it out, he is killed by assassins.
Live Action TV
- Since they never bother to hide their shananagains from Sgt Shultz, Hogan's Heroes would often be found by the guard doing things they shouldn't be. After Hogan gives Shultz an obviously false excuse, he'd grin "Wanna know what we're really doing?" Followed by Schultz thinking better of it. "I know nothing! I was never even here!, I never even got up in the morning!"
- In an episode of Blackadder the Third, a French torturer tells the soldier guarding Blackadder and Baldrick that he should leave, since what she is going to do will be so horrifying. He states his belief that he can stomach it, to the hag's increasingly frantic protests, until he asks for a description. She whispers to him, and he runs off about to vomit.
Prince George: They pull your breeches down and push a large radish right up your—
- Also in Blackadder the Third, when Prince George describes what the Naughty Hellfire Club does to people who don't pay their dues:
Blackadder: —yes! Yes! Yes! All right!...There's no need to hammer it home.
Prince George: As a matter of fact, they do often have to—
Blackadder: —No! NO!
- On the Raquel Welch episode of The Muppet Show, Marvin Suggs reveals to Kermit that he has to replace his living musical instruments, the Muppaphones, when they go flat (like little pancakes). What happens to them then? Well...
- At one point, he actually was the replacement...turns out that singing the Witch Doctor song when you've been told never to tell anyone is a bad idea.
- Red Dwarf: Lister opens a secure door and doesn't want Kryten to see how: "Trust me, you don't want to know!". Kryten doesn't look, but being a robot, he correctly guesses the logical answer: Lister used a severed hand from one of the dead crew on the palm print reader. What makes Kryten's realization worse is he knows Lister is using the severed hand of his(Lister) own alternate self.
Kryten: Logically, sir, there is only one way you could possibly have opened that door. I feel quite nauseous. Where is it?
Lister: Where's what?
Kryten: Oh, sir!! You've got it in your jacket!!
- Subverted in Thanks For The Memory. A drunken Rimmer wants to tell Lister how many times he's made love, to which Lister replies: "I don't wanna know! Trust me, You do not want to tell me!"
- Rimmer does, and the answer turns out to be embarrassing.
- In Backwards, before they leave, Lister tells Rimmer that Cat has gone off into the bushes, then he realizes what this entails, and says, "We've got to stop him!" Cat comes back, hair sticking straight up, walking stiffly, horrified expression on his face, and simply says "Don't ask." (For those who don't recall the episode, they were on an alternate Earth where everything happened in reverse...)
- Subverted in Thanks For The Memory. A drunken Rimmer wants to tell Lister how many times he's made love, to which Lister replies: "I don't wanna know! Trust me, You do not want to tell me!"
- Used in the first-season Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "The Big Goodbye", where the fate the insectoid Jarada visit upon people who pronounce their ceremonial greeting wrong is so horrible that the crew won't even let Data hint at it.
- In Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Worf is asked at a party what Klingons dream about.
Worf (in Sincerity Mode): "Things that would send cold chills down your spine, and wake you in the middle of the night. No, it is better that you do not know. Excuse me." *shambles away*
- In "Sacrifice of Angels", O'Brien and Bashir have been quoting "The Charge of the Light Brigade" in the runup to a battle where they're seriously outnumbered. Garak, eventually, asks how it ends. O'Brien tells him he doesn't want to know...which answers the question.
- Speaking of insectoids, on an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise, Captain Archer is in VERY tense negotiations with the Xindi; his linguist Lt. Sato performs simultaneous translation — except at one point, where the insectoid goes on a long chittering rant, and Sato simply says "You don't want to know."
- This is the second time she uses the line. In the pilot episode, a Klingon says something to Captain Archer, who takes it as a thank you. When Sato comments that she doesn't think they have a word for thank you, and Archer asks her what the Klingon did say, she responds with the line verbatim.
- Used for comic effect in Black Books. Manny says that something bad happens to him at 88 degrees, and Bernard wants to know what, but Manny keeps repeating, "You don't want to know." Bernard at first tells Manny to stop saying that, because he wants to know even more if he's told he doesn't. Then he switches tactics, saying that Manny doesn't know WHY Bernard wants to know. To which Manny replies, "Oh, why's that?" And Bernard has made his point.
- When a couple (Bob and June Wheeler, Bob played by Brent Spiner) came into Night Court who were well known for their outlandish bad luck (the squad car they were arrested in got hit by a bolt of lightning) mention that their granny died, Harry, Dan, and Christine give each other looks before Christine bursts out "Oh what the Hell someone has to ask! How did she die?" They reply that she died peacefully while sleeping... on the railroad tracks.
- In one episode of The Big Bang Theory, after Leonard's mother got drunk with Penny and kissed Sheldon, she apologises to Sheldon "about her behaviour" while Leonard is present. Leonard enquires about details, but his mother, Penny, and Sheldon all answer that he doesn't want to know.
- Northern Exposure — In "The Russian Flu," Dr. Fleischman asks Marilyn what's in a foul-smelling (but effective) Native American flu remedy. Her reply: "You don't wanna know."
- Heroes season three demonstrates how not to do this: a character whose power is treated as a "you don't wanna know" situation turns out to be something pretty basic: your typical sonic scream thing, and not even (that we saw) to Black Bolt-esque mega-destructive levels.
- In the Doctor Who episode "Bad Wolf", this is Jack Harkness's response when his captors demand to know how he managed to pull a concealed weapon on them despite being stripped naked.
- Also father Octavian's response when The Doctor asks who River Song killed in "Flesh and Stone"
- On the U.S. version of The Office, Dwight issues Jim a demerit for tardiness, then explains his made-up, incredibly convoluted warning system for policing the office that, as Jim points out, logically ends with Dwight submitting a disciplinary review to his immediate superior (Jim himself, the Assistant Regional Manager). Jim responds by demanding the review be on his desk by the end of the day, or Dwight will be issued a "full dissadulation." What is that? "You don't want to know."
- Get Smart used a variation of this in Catch Phrase fashion, to the point of it being a Running Gag:
Maxwell Smart: Don't tell me [rest of sentence]
Other character: [repeats the rest of the sentence back to him]
Smart: I asked you not to tell me that.
- Babylon 5:
- A variant was used in Season 3.
Marcus Cole: They taught me... terror. How to use it. How to face it.
Dr. Franklin: I think I'd like to hear more about that...
Marcus Cole: No. You wouldn't.
- A straighter example in Season 4 provides a Crowning Moment of Funny. Susan Ivanova stumbles litter-strewn out of a transport tube, using a cane to stay upright.
John Sheridan: What the…?
Susan Ivanova: Don't... even... ask.
- A variant was used in Season 3.
- In the episode "Mr. Monk and the Miracle", Monk tells Natalie that her getting gravy wouldn't have been necessary as the bums, their guests, make their own gravy. When Natalie asks how they do it, Monk simply responds with "You don't want to know..."
- Similarly, in "Mr. Monk Is On The Run: Part 1", after Monk arrives back at Natalie's house with a strange overcoat, he said a homeless person gave it to him in exchange for something else in return. When questioned by Natalie about what that thing was that Monk had to do, Monk can only respond with "I'd rather not talk about it..."
- Person of Interest:
- In the episode "Cura Te Ipsum"
Reese: Doctor has everything she needs to erase Benton for good.
Finch: What do you mean, "erase"?
Reese: Eight pounds of lye, heated to 300 degrees. Body will dissolve in three hours, give or take.
Finch: I will refrain from asking how you know that.
- In "Critical", Detective Carter demands information on the mysterious forces hunting Reese. Reese points out that unlike him and Finch, Carter is not hiding under a false name and has loved ones that are still alive. "So I think the real question you have to ask yourself, Detective... is how much more do you really want to know?"
- In the episode "Cura Te Ipsum"
- On an episode of The Facts Of Life, Blair somehow got a bottle of wine and the girls were planning on when to drink it. Jo decided she'd rather have beer instead. When asked how she'd get it, she just said, "I'll get some beer." Later, when asked how she got it, her reply was, "I got some beer."
- In the episode of Friends where Chandler is trying to get the perfect engagement ring for Monica, it winds up getting bought and he's trying to get Phoebe to remember if the guy who picked it up mentioned where he was going. Phoebe mentions the name had something to do with "rainbow", but after some more thinking, it turns out to be some fancy French name that doesn't have anything to do with rainbows. When Chandler says he'd love to know how she managed to something get a rainbow out of that, Phoebe responds "No you wouldn't. You don't want to get in here," as she points to her head.
- A comedic example occurs in Last Resort. In "Skeleton Crew" Shepard is forced to leave King behind on an underwater buoy. She is only able to return after he's run out of air, but he was able to stay alive by holding his breath. He reveals that he is still alive by tapping the buoy with Morse Code. He also includes a vulgar message to her, and she is merely told that she doesn't want to know what it means.
- Leverage has an interesting version, when it was revealed that Elliot once worked for Damien Moreau. Parker starts to ask him about what he did for Moreau that he is so ashamed of, and he tells her "Don't ask. Because if you do ask, I'm going to tell you. So don't ask."
- Charmed: The Council of two Elders and two powerful demons who control the Cleaners. When asked what happens if it becomes a tie, the Sisters are told this trope.
- In one episode of Fringe Walter sends out Astrid to get some things for him, among them a dirty magazine and a portrait of George W. Bush.
Astrid: I don't even want to know.
- In the Supernatural episode "What Is And What Should Never Be" (S02, Ep20), Dean tells Sam he does not want to know what is in a paper bag. When Sam pulls out a takeout container of blood from the bag, Dean meets Sam's inquiry about the purpose of the blood by again telling Sam he does not want to know.
- In one episode of NCIS, Tony and Ziva are at a Burundian café investigating a double murder, and Ziva starts munching on some snacks that she says are delicious. One of the Burundians then says, "Then I won't tell you what they are made from."
- The Goodies had an episode where Graeme falls into a hole where he intends to study Neolithic Man. It is deduced that there is a ten-second delay from where he speaks to when his voice reaches the surface, leading to this exchange:
Graeme: (to himself) I could do with my archaeology kit...and a bite to eat. (loudly to the surface) Yeah. Chuck us down my old tweed suit...oh, and a couple of donuts.
Bill: (into hole to Graeme) Do you want anything to eat?
Graeme: (delayed) Yeah. Chuck us down my old tweed suit.
Tim: (into hole to Graeme) Anything to wear?
Graeme: (delayed) Oh, a couple of donuts.
Bill: (to Tim) Where's he gonna wear them?
Tim: Never mind!
- Cops LAC has a scene where a woman tells the police she thinks she's found a bomb in her house, in her daughter's chest of drawers. Graham immediately identifies the vibrating noise, much to the woman's shock.
Daniel: How did you know it was a vibrator making that noise?Graham: Don't ask questions you really don't want answered.
- In one of the Dilbert compilation books, Scott Adams suggests that when calling in sick to work, the best thing to say is, "You don't want to know the details."
- Calvin And Hobbes:
- Calvin's mom after he runs inside naked and screaming at a hailstorm; "I'll bet there's an explanation for this, and I'll bet I don't want to hear it."
- In another strip, Calvin tries to cook an eggs and orange juice breakfast for his mother while she's ill, but the eggs end up being crispy lumps stuck to the pan. When she asks about the orange juice, Calvin answers "Dad says not to tell you about that until you're better."
- In a Garfield strip, Garfield looks at the box of the cat food he's eating, and sees that it reads: "Ingredients: You're better off not knowing". He keeps on eating, thinking: "What you don't know can't hurt you, right?"
Jon: What's the special today?
- In another strip, when Jon and Garfield are at Irma's Diner:
Irma: You don't want to know.
Jon: Gimme the special!
Garfield: There's a gambler in the house!
Irma: Here's your egg, hon. Whatever you do, try not to think about where it came from.
- Another one involving Irma:
(Jon looks at it for a minute.)
Jon: Have an egg, Garfield.
Garfield: Too late, I already thought about it.
Liz: Where'd he get the bucket of cherry syrup?
- In a 2012 Sunday strip, Garfield takes a Snow-Cone container outside when it is snowing. The snow then fills up in the container, until it reachers snow-cone-like levels, to Garfield's delight. Jon and Liz are watching the entire thing inside, leading to this exchange when Garfield is bringing the cherry syrup bucket:
Jon: Some things are better left unknown...
Garfield: (to reader) Make him stop.
- Jon gave Garfield some food claiming not to know what it was because the label came off the can. Garfield said sometimes that was a blessing.
- Jon returns from his date and tells Garfield he doesn't want to know how it went. Garfield decides this means the opposite. In the next day's strip, he tells Garfield about her nostrils. He warned him...
- FoxTrot had Roger telling Andy this, about how doped up she was from her allergy medication, upon being asked after it wore off. He had a point: one strip had her saying 'yes' to anything the kids asked...
- In Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne, Illidan uses this line on Malfurion.
Malfurion: They [Illidan's naga] had best return with good news. The very sight of them makes my stomach turn. Where did you ever find such loathsome creatures?
Illidan: Believe me, brother: You don't want to know.
- Tales of Symphonia take after Raine disappears into the Iselia shrine:
Raine: *Evil Laugh*
Lloyd: What was that about?
Genis: You're better off not knowing...
- Players of Knights of the Old Republic are treated to this little exchange on Dantooine:
C8-42: "I'm afraid my owner became a bit too attached to me. Obsessed even. She...she tried to treat me as her dead husband. It was not healthy for her."
Player: "Er... ALL the time?"
C8-42: "You don't want to know..."
Player: "Um... probably not..."
- Persona 3
Mitsuru: Oh, Mr. Ekoda’s punishment...? Well, there are some things in life you don’t want to know about... This is one of them.
- Same applies to Mitsuru's "Execution."
- In Quest for Glory III, if you ask the meat merchant the second time about meat, the system replies, "On second thought, you don't want to know."
- Speaking of Quest For Glory, one of Gnome Ann's meals is goulash. Normally, she describes the entire method that goes into making each meal, but with goulash, all she says is, "You don't want to know. You really don't want to know."
- In one of the opening missions of Mass Effect 2, you come across a log recorded by the Chief Medical Officer of the Lazarus Project that brought you back from the dead. He wonders how the Illusive Man manages to keep funding the project despite it going over-budget, concluding that it's perhaps better not to know.
- In Halo 2, in a cutscene early in the game, Master Chief disarms a Covenant bomb on board Cairo Station with the help of Cortana.
Master Chief: "How much time was left?"
Cortana: "You do NOT want to know."
- Tales of Monkey Island: In Chapter 3:
Winslow: I'll keep an eye on Miss LeFlay. If she stirs, I'll give her the old scurvy buttons!Guybrush: [disturbed] I don't want to know what that is.
- And in Chapter 4:
Guybrush: If I plead guilty, will I get out of here any quicker?
Judge Grindstump: Most definitely—
Guybrush: Great! Then I plead—
Judge Grindstump: [interrupts] After the summary executions by keelhauling, hanging, boiling, and, eh, em... scaphism. [the crowd laughs]
Guybrush: [confused] Scaphism?
Stan: Trust me, kid, you don't want to know.
Guybrush: Okay, then...
- Oh, and scaphism is not a made-up word. Stan is absolutely right.
- And in Chapter 4:
- In Saints Row: The Third, the player character asks Shaundi what a "Feel Boss" is. She simply responds with: "You DON'T wanna know."
- The first time we meet Franklin's aunt, we see her and her friends drunk and chanting at her vulva. The first thing he says?
Franklin: I do not want to know.
- If you want to know how to animate the titular character from Homestar Runner, it involves a pair of underpants with ping-pong sensor nodes on it. Matt quotes this word for word after showing the viewer this.
- In Red vs. Blue Church encounters multiple versions of himself due to time travel, including one who is an odd yellow color. When asked how he got like that, he simply replies, "Dude, Don't Ask."
York: "You don't wanna end up like Georgia."Washington: "Will someone please tell me what happened to Georgia?!"York: "Dude, you don't wanna know." (flies off)Wash: "I really do, though!"
- In season five, it turns out yellow Church is actually the personification of Sister in Caboose's head. And according to Season 10, may or may not actually exist. In Yellow Church's own words, It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time.
- Season 10 adds the fate of Agent Georgia. It somehow involved a zero-g thruster pack.
- In the Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged movie, after Yakumo warps everyone's voices into horrible representations of what they're supposed to sound like, Yusuke asks what Kurama sounds like and Kuwabara answers with this trope. Averted anyway since Kurama ends up speaking enough to say: "I HATE all of you."
- In Part 15 of A Trickster's Tail, after the two of them have escaped the afterlife and Keith has related his adventure to Kickaha.
Keith: So... what happened to you?
Kickaha: You don't want to know.
Keith: WHAT? We're probably the only two people on this planet that can have this discussion, and you're telling me that I don't want to know?
Kickaha: Look. You don't understand. You were there. You told me. You don't want to know.
- In The Binder of Shame, this is used occasionally.
Blobert Smith: “My character deals with his post traumatic stress by putting porridge up his nose on moonlit nights.”Weasly Crusher: “Why would he-”El Disgusto: “Don't! Just don't.”
- A prime example of this appears in Strange Aeons. Despite heavy questioning, Nick is adamant in warning Chris to not look up the videos on the Strange Aeons channel.
- Toyed with by fan favorite Sasha in Sluggy Freelance: "Part of me wants to say 'I don't want to know', but I do! I really, really do!"
"How did you get a Sacagawea dollar to penetrate your front grill and lodge itself in your carburetor?"
"You don't want to know."
"Why are you dressed as a ninja?"
"I don't want to tell you."
- Schlock Mercenary:
Massey: Well, to continue the metaphor, picture a billion attorneys, all bent on violating your mind, like the galaxy's single largest—
- Done by the narrator in this strip when he covers Massey's description of how being Mind Raped by the lawyer collective felt with a narration bubble.
Narrator: Whups. Sorry about that! We at Schlock Mercenary don't want to trouble the tender minds of our viewers with truly disturbing metaphors like this one. And believe me, you do not want to know where this one was going. Suffice it to say that Massey's experience was unpleasant. Now, back to the story.
Schlock: Ugh. Like, over cornflakes?
"I want to know, but I'm afraid to ask..."
- Another example:
"That's a good sign that you don't really want to know.""I don't want to know."
"Yes you do. You just don't want to admit it."
- Admiral Tebbir would feel better trusting Petey on this one (see the next 3 pages).
- Used once in Penny Arcade: "Wow, it's like...I want to see it? But at the same time, I don't want to see it."
- In a subversion, that's just Gabe Comically Missing the Point; Tycho's being kicked out of being a man.
- Pops up in Questionable Content, here. Speculations on what it could be runs rampant amongst the cast (and the fanbase) before it's finally revealed to be more nerdy than anything else...
Faye: Dora, we have a freaked-out naked chick scrubbing herself furiously in our bathroom.
- Also this strip.
Dora: Meh, it's not the first time.
Faye: I... I don't want to know, do I.
Dora: Probably not.
- Freefall uses a variation on this.
- Nodwick theology has this effect:
Artax: The more i learn about gods, the less i want to know.
- The Order of the Stick has this:
Roy: Part of me wants to know a story behind that, while the other, smarter part of me knows it's better off in ignorance.
- Faux Pas
A rabbit: So, what do you like to eat?
Dusk (a fox): Kid... never ask a question if you won't like the answer.
- In Exterminatus Now, Syrus had just KO'd Wildfire with a chloroform rag after one too many screwups. See above.
- The Whiteboard: A common reaction by the regulars when Sandy or Pirta* asks about any particular weirdness happening.
- Used in Yosh in response to an accidental Double Entendre.
Lia: Don't. I know you want to explain what he means by that, but don't.
- After Mal from Head Trip's brother Dane finds out she went to "visit" their sister Kat's Jewish ex, who did not take the breakup well:
Dane: (after trailing off and a beat panel) Mal, why is there a bloody menorah on your desk?
Mal: Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to, Dane.
Dane: Oh... Oh my God, is that an ear hanging off of it?!
Mal: What did I just tell you?
- Bram And Vlad has this:
Bessie: Why would one possibly want a jar full of eyeballs?Bram: Do you really want to know?
- Seen in Futurama, "The Sting".
Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey. It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neuro-toxin can cause instant death!
Hermes (happily): And that's if you're not allergic! You don't wanna know what happens then. Oh no, no. God no!
Farnsworth: Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science fair volcano!
Hermes (sobbing): I didn't want to know!
- In Code Lyoko the school gym teacher Jim is very closemouthed about his past. While he often mentions his previous careers, he usually says "I'd rather not talk about it" when pressed about them. This catchphrase was actually the title of an episode where he was the central character. (In that episode, he actually does talk about it.)
- In one episode of The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Grim gives Billy a gumball machine that yields a limitless amount of gum, but warns him never to swallow the gum. When asked what will happen if he does, Grim says, "Trust me, you don't wanna know. If I had skin, it would be crawling." Billy eventually ignores this warning, and we find out that swallowing the gum causes "an unimaginably horrible rash from another dimension."
- In Transformers Animated when Starscream finds out that each of his clones represent a different part of his personality and he asks which part an Opposite-Sex Clone represents, her response is "Don't ask!"
- In an episode of the ongoing Hercules series, the water of the Spring of Canathus turns Hercules, Icarus, Pegasus, Adonis, and Hades' minion Pain into infants, which results in Cassandra and Hades other minion Panic becoming Badly Battered Babysitters for the rest of the episode. When the curse is finally undone, Hades shows up, and at first, he asks why everyone is wearing diapers, but then he changes his mind and says he doesn't want to know, and leaves with his two servants. (However, Hercules and his friends do want to know what happened, and after Cassandra tells them, they all beg and plead with her not to tell anyone.)
- Justice League
- In an episode, having just captured the assassin Deadshot who tried to kill Aquaman, several members of the League threaten him with physical violence, which he shrugs off. Batman then takes him aside and whispers something to him, he practically begs to tell everything he knows. When Wonder Woman asks Superman what was said (Supes possesses acute hearing) he tells her that she doesn't want to know. Made even better by the expression on his face. According to Kevin Conroy, the actor who played Batman, he said "I know where you live, Floyd".
- Also, in the Forced Prize Fight Unlimited episode "Grudge Match", Hawkgirl's reaction after being snapped out of mind control;
"I don't think I want to know."
"We're all in a cage match fighting to the death."
- Speaking of Batman... In one Cross Over episode of Static Shock, a time-chair Batman took off a villain accidentally sends Static into a future time, where he meets both Terry McGinnis (aka Batman Beyond) and the aged Bruce Wayne, along with his future self. At the end of the episode, he returns to his own time and is about to reveal to Batman what his future is like, but Batman interrupts him, saying that he'd "rather not know".
Static: Oh. Well... you still had all your hair.
- In the Ben 10 episode "Ken 10" Ken rejects adding an alien called 'Toepick' to the Omnitrix, saying "He even grosses me out!". The pop-up edition plays this up by having the pop-up say "You don't want to know".
- Toepick makes an appearance in Ben 10: Omniverse. He has a green cage covering his face, which is so nightmarish it makes Psyphon turn white with fear and beg for mercy.
- In Invader Zim's Crapsack World, people inexplicably hand out meat on Valentine's Day. When Dib asks how this tradition got started, Ms. Bitters (who never had a problem telling the children disturbing truths before) simply replies that he doesn't want to know.
- In The Real Ghostbusters, the episode 'Knock, Knock' has Egon look into the room that holds the door to Doomsday. When asks what he sees, he replies 'you don't want to know' in his usual calm, dull tone of voice.
- In The Penguins of Madagascar there is a long running gag involving Skipper with this called the "Copenhagen/Denmark incident". It´s seems he is unable to set foot in Denmark for unknown circumstances after being declared that country´s Public Enemy Number One. When Private asked "What happened at Denmark?" (and any other character, even if they made the slightly commentary about this) he only gets the "You don´t wanna know/ask about that Private!!!" from Skipper. Partially reverted as the show goes on, with one episode explaining Hans the puffin had framed him, and some details about the incident involving explosions and a high-speed chase, and another revealing it has something to do with open faced sandwiches (yeah...just don´t ask...)
- Tex Avery MGM Cartoons: In one Droopy cartoon that's a take-off of "The Three Little Pigs", Droopy is watching television with his two brothers in one scene; Zeke Wolf tries to grab them with a vacuum cleaner, only to grab the televison instead (and end up with it lodged in his stomach). Two scenes later, Droopy and his brothers are watching television again, and Droopy looks at the camera and says, "Now don't ask how we got the TV back..."
- Kim Possible, in a scene involving a "gravy ghost" spelling words in the high-school cafeteria gravy;
Wade: I don't know what to tell you Kim. After watching the cafeteria security tape, I can't explain what happened either.
Kim: Did you analyze the gravy sample?
Wade: You don't want to know. [beat] Not till after graduation. [beat] From college.
Monique: I say we trust him on the gravy.
Mr. Barkin: And don't let them tell you that they're supposed to have class outside! We put a stop to that after the jellyfish episode.
- Another example, when "Miss Go" (Shego temporarily turned good) arrives to teach one of Kim's classes:
Miss Go: Oh, that's so sweet! You took the class to the beach!
Mr. Barkin: No beach. Just jellyfish... [shudders] Don't ask.
- In the Strawberry Shortcake Berryfest Princess Movie, Blueberry Muffin walks in on Strawberry Shortcake doing a bunnyhop and sorting mixed nuts with Plum Pudding at Orange Blossom's general store and comments, "Do I wanna know?" A little while later, after reading a map has been added to Strawberry's tasks, Orange returns, also commenting, "Do I wanna know?" "That's what I said," Blueberry tells her.
- My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic:
- In "Boast Busters", it turns out that the three story tall celestial bear that attacked Ponyville at the climax was not an Ursa Major, but an Ursa Minor — a baby. When asked what a full-grown Ursa Major is like, Twilight gives this response, while the audience is shown a mildly hideous-looking star-bear big enough to be holding the Ursa Minor in its arms like a baby.
- Rainbow Dash says it in "Party of One" after Twilight wonders what Dash meant by "At least I haven't been replaced by a bucket of turnips."
- The Simpsons
Lisa: But what if he wants to hold hands?
- In the episode "I Love Lisa," Ralph Wiggum has tickets to Krusty's anniversary show, and he invites Lisa. Bart really wants to go, and he suggests disguising himself as Lisa.
Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
Lisa: What if he wants to kiss?
Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
Lisa: What if he wants to—
Bart: You don't want to know how far I'll go.
- A Simpsons TV Episode guide also used this phrase on the subject of how Kang and Kodos could tell each other's genders.
- Another episode had Bart rubbing his ear industriously and acting sick so that when Marge took his temperature (through his ear) it would come out to 103 F and he could stay home. She says the only way to be sure was to use the rectal thermometer. It still came out to 103. When Lisa asked, Bart says she doesn't want to know.
- He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (1983):
Ram-Man: Okay! So they're in! So, uh... How are they gettin' out?Buzz-Off: I don't even wanna know..
- In "The Origin of The Sorceress": Teela-na, the future Sorceress, gets this line from a young town who had been watching the villain of the day and a alien race argue over things.
- Buzz-Off uses this line twice in two separate episodes of the 2002 remake. The first is during season one, where Man-At-Arms is swallowed by Merman's giant shark-monster. (For the second time.) He-Man tries to rescue him by diving down the beast's throat, leading to this exchange:
- The second time was the second season, after he and Stratos found that Webstor had gorged himself on ambrosia, turning himself into a monstrous, demonic spider. It got even worse when they found his lair and the captive Adreenans All Webbed Up... And egg shells lying on the ground, indicating that the villain had spawned a brood of young. (Webstor had been assumed to be male up to now.) When Statos asked how this was possible, Buzz-Off again, said, "I don't even wanna know."
- From Courage the Cowardly Dog:
Bushwik: See that door? You wanna know what's behind that door? You don't wanna know what's behind that door. See these bones? You wanna know what made these bones?Courage: (Nods, but begins to shake his head as Bushwik does)Buskwik: You don't wanna know what made these bones.
- In the second Danny Phantom movie, The Ultimate Enemy, after Danny asks Future Vlad what happened to Danny's human half, Vlad only tells him, "Some things, my boy, are better left unsaid..."
- These words are often the verbal equivalent of Schmuck Bait. Unless someone has been taught —repeatedly— to avoid it, people will almost invariably try to find out what they shouldn't know. They are also a major reason Aesop Amnesia is Truth in Television.
Alice: Hey, Bob... Oh, it doesn't matter.Bob: What?Alice: uses this tropeBob: No, go on, tell me.Alice's muddy hands go in Bob's face
- Does anyone know this joke?
- How America's Got Talent 75-year-old contestant Sally from Portland discovered she could hand-whistle. She wrote a book about it, but part of the book was also about her coming out. Judging by how the judges on the show reacted ('mm-hmm'-ing and nodding), they evidently didn't consider it to be an example of the trope. It could be a bit of a Mood Whiplash, though.