-->--[[BeamMeUpScotty Probably apocryphal British newspaper headline]]

The UK's rather odd relationship with the rest of Europe and the rest of the world. Not to be confused to the similar, though fiercely independent approach of UsefulNotes/{{Switzerland}}.

Until about 10,000 years ago, Britain was actually joined with the rest of Europe by land- the sea levels were lower as a result of the Ice Age.

'''[[{{Oireland}} Point o' Guinness]] - the Irish'''

-->''We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English.''

The only country to fully share a border with it, Britain has a very good relationship with UsefulNotes/{{Ireland}} ([[UsefulNotes/TheTroubles usually]]). One of the UK's most popular airlines is the no-frills Ryanair, and Guinness is a popular alcoholic drink. The large number of ex-pats helps.

British television can be picked up in Ireland.

'''[[CheeseEatingSurrenderMonkeys Perfide France]] - the French'''

-->''The best thing I can think of between England and France is the sea.''
-->-'''Douglas Jerrold'''

The English have fought at least 20 wars against the French since the Norman Conquest, one of which lasted for ''[[UsefulNotes/TheHundredYearsWar 116 years]]'', 79 of which were an actual state of war. Before the Germans started seriously arming in the lead-up to UsefulNotes/WorldWarI, the enemy in "invasion fiction" was the French. The earlier attempts to build a Channel Tunnel failed because of fears of the French.

Today the British have a rather complex relationship with the French. They've had many differences over foreign policy, especially over UsefulNotes/TheEuropeanUnion (de Gaulle stopped British entry a couple of times). However, they fought together in both World Wars, signed the ''Entente Cordiale'' over a century ago and are in {{NATO}} together. In June 1940, an Anglo-French Union was seriously considered but overtaken by events. The two have recently signed a historic defensive and cooperation act, to save government military spending.

Quite possibly, the pinnacle of Anglo-French collaboration was their joint design, production, and operation of what to this day remains the only financially successful commercial supersonic passenger airliner. (contrary to rumour, Concorde ''did'' turn a profit, albeit not during its whole career, the fact that it ever turned a profit '''at all''' is still news to many people), even if its Russian rival, the Tupolev Tu-144 "''[[ReportingNames Charger]]''" first flew before Concorde. [[spoiler: It also lost an aircraft to a crash earlier, five years after it launched, in 1973 with 14 fatalities. The Concorde wouldn't have its first crash until much later in 2000, with 113 fatalities.]]

Then there's the cultural business. The English may well mock French cuisine in their movies (mockery which is cheerfully and loudly reciprocated, with rather greater justification, by the French), but the English love to eat French food - any baker's will sell baguettes. The British upper and middle classes are also positively obsessed with French wine, with the kinds of Bordeaux aimed at the insatiable British market receiving the label "claret" (pronounced English-style with a "t" at the end) just to make things clear.

Then there's the whole "booze cruise" phenomenon. Wine and other alcoholic beverages are rather cheaper in France than in the UK. Crossing the Channel between Dover and Calais via ferry or Le Shuttle is pretty cheap. So, what a lot of British people do is go across the Channel to France for a day, buy up a lot of cheap booze and cigarettes and then come back, sometimes selling or giving the produce on to their friends.

* It's legal to bring an unlimited amount of stuff back from France for personal use or as a gift to give to a friend. It's not to bring it to sell, or buy it for someone else. HM Revenue and Customs set informal limits on what they'll accept as "personal use".
* There are limits on how much stuff you can bring back from more recent EU members such as Poland and Hungary, because the price difference is so great that it's ''asking'' for someone to take advantage. These limits aren't very heavily enforced though. To the extent that you can sometimes walk through the blue channel with ''nothing but cigarettes'' in your hand luggage and not be challenged.

Many Brits have holiday homes in the South of France, or emigrate there, while hundreds of thousands of French work in Britain (not quite so many going the other way for the work). The French have also taken to British and American music, film and television the way the British have taken to their wine and food, with songs in English being so common on French radio that a quota of French songs has had to be established. This has led to colloquial French now bearing a significantly English stamp, which is considered to be something of an irony in light of the amount of influence French has had on the English language over the centuries.

The Scottish are somewhat different. Before the Union, they were often allies with France (the "Auld Alliance"). When England sports teams play a foreign opponent, including France, the Scots will invariably be cheering on the other side. The same applies, with varying degrees of vehemence, to the Welsh and the Irish, who will also root for the other team. The reverse is generally true for English support when the other Home Nations teams face foreign opposition - most English fans will happily cheer for Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and (sometimes) even the Republic of Ireland against other countries. Different levels and types of nationalism present perhaps?

'''[[AllGermansAreNazis They're taking our loungers]] - the Germans'''

-->''They may have beaten us at [[TheBeautifulGame our national sport]]. But we beat them [[WorldWarOne at their national sport twice]] [[WorldWarTwo in the 20th century.]]''

English is a Germanic Language [[CaptainObvious as is German]] ("pardon my Anglo-Saxon" is a British way to apologise for swearing, as is "pardon my French").
* "Pardon my French" will always carry a slight jab to the French (one reason [[AcceptableTargets why they are used]] and not, say, the Germans) as though what one has just uttered should not normally issue from the mouth of a 'civilised' Brit.
* Almost all of the English language's most coarse and obscene expletives come from Anglo-Saxon roots, while many of the more polite euphemisms come from either Norman French or snide allusions to the original words (like Cockney rhyming slang), which considering the Norman Conquest, centuries of rule by French speakers and further centuries of French being the diplomatic language (it's now English, due to a mixture of the legacy of the British Empire and the political and economic influence of the US), is not exactly surprising.

The UK was of course highly affected by both World Wars, with German aerial bombings during both. This, naturally colours Anglo-German relations. The Germans are [[NeverLiveItDown trying to live down their actions]] in WorldWarII, and consequently object when the war is referred to in British advertising (as in the case of a beer being described as "downed all over Kent, just like the Luftwaffe").

The popular UK perception of Germans is that [[GermanicDepressives they have no sense of humour]] (which really isn't true - [[DeadpanSnarker BritishHumour]] and GermanHumour are actually quite similar, though that may be part of the joke) and that they really will get up really early to claim sun loungers by placing their towels on them (this is true, a recent study has found, but while Germans are the #1 perpetrators Britons are #2, a few percentage points behind).

Since the war, the two countries have got on pretty well - the UK still has some forces in Germany, although less than during the ColdWar - the exception being when they play football. Germany is Britain's largest trading partner, just ahead of the US and France.

''TopGear'' often takes jokes about WorldWarTwo to RefugeInAudacity levels. Then again, they like German people (and, of course, cars), including Sabine Schmidt from the German version of the show. She [[spoiler:won]] the race, because she [[spoiler:took the lounger.]]

'''Costa de los Ex-Pats: The Spanish'''

-->''The French are wiser than they seem, and the Spanish seem wiser than they are.''
-->-'''Francis Bacon'''

Hostility between nations can probably be traced back to the Spanish Armada and the colonising of the Americas and such things eventually led to the popularity of somewhat "Spanish" villains in Renaissance fiction (notably in Shakespeare's "Othello"; Iago being named for the country's patron saint). For a long time Spain represented a Catholic Europe that Britain (specifically Protestant England; the Highland Scots didn't mind them so much) had been firmly sceptical of.

Modern relations with Spain are fairly pleasant. Like with France, many Brits will have holiday homes in the country and enjoy the culture. In fact, it is common to see characters in British television talk of clubbing in Ibiza or [[LondonGangster big bad crime lords]] going to Spain to disappear for a while (although there is now an extradition treaty with Spain, it is not retroactive).

There is of course, [[UsefulNotes/{{Gibraltar}} that little bit of the UK]] just south of Spain as well however, which has caused much dispute.

'''Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll: The Dutch'''

-->''My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them.''

Over a million Brits visit Amsterdam every year. Note that they rarely want to visit ''the Netherlands''; [[JustHereForGodzilla it's just that Amsterdam happens to be in the country]]. [[FreestateAmsterdam Given the cheap and easy access in the city to virtually any sexual fetish (prostitution is a legal and, for the most part, well regulated business complete with its own union), the plentiful bars and clubs where one can buy an astonishing variety of legal soft-drugs such as cannabis and mushrooms]], and the fact that Amsterdam has had a thriving underground music scene for decades, it is perhaps unsurprising that it's a common weekend trip for many of them.

Some Brits also visit the rest of the country, but they are in such a minority as to be not worth mentioning.

'''The European Union'''

-->''That grand drama in a hundred acts, which is reserved for the next two centuries of Europe—the most terrible, most questionable and perhaps also the most hopeful of all dramas.''
-->-'''Friedrich Nietzche'''

Despite the fact that the UK has not been successfully invaded since 1066 (some count 1688, but William of Orange was invited by English nobility), it is one of the most Eurosceptic nations in the EU. Had the French and Dutch not done it first, the European Constitution would have been rejected by the UK electorate.

While the UK did vote to stay in the EC in 1975, many feel they were misled as to what the EC actually was. The current situation is that a significant majority (>70%) of British citizens want a referendum on EU membership and a majority of these would vote to leave, but all three main parties are umming and aahing about it while trying to avoid calling a referendum (Although the Conservatives have promised a referendum in 2017, if they get reelected). The pro-exit parties such as the UK Independence Party are still comparatively small, but the economic crisis has increased demands for withdrawal from many corners.

Somewhat strangely, the SNP, who want Scottish independence, are also pro-European integration.

'''Special Relationship: The Colonials - Americans'''

-->''You can always count on Americans to do the right thing -- after they have tried everything else.''
-->-'''Winston Churchill'''

The UK-US relationship was somewhat dicey up until [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Rapprochement the late Victorian era]], due to [[UsefulNotes/TheAmericanRevolution a number of]] [[WarOf1812 historical disagreements]]. [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jay_Treaty The Jay Treaty]], ending the revolutionary war, sums up US-UK relations pre-WWI nicely. Basically it comes down to not being worth the money for either side to start up another war for very long. Since the war, Britain and the USA have since been fairly close allies, sharing military technology and intelligence, often banding together politically against the rest of Europe, especially France (which is amusing when one considers that the exact opposite was true in earlier times, with the USA and France acting as mutual allies against English interests).

The relationship can occasionally be strained, particularly when an American utters the StockPhrase "We saved your asses in World War Two" (the civil response is usually something along the lines of "When you ''finally'' got round to it..."). It's not as hostile as Hollywood would like you to believe, though; it's not like the UK's still fighting the Revolution against the traitors. Hollywood seems to have have softened on this relatively recently though, with British characters tending to end up as PluckyComicRelief at worst rather than all out villains. Britain being the first nation to declare solidarity with the US after the events of 9/11 probably helped.

The United Kingdom was, and still is, a valuable power projection place for the United States, considering it "an unsinkable aircraft carrier" (''The Unsinkable Aircraft Carrier'' was the name of a 1984 investigative work into US bases in the UK). This is probably the reason why Britain is called Airstrip One in ''Literature/NineteenEightyFour''. Europeans sometimes accuse Britain of being America's lapdog, a feeling that many Brits share - especially with regard to the Iraq war, which many accuse Britain of entering just to keep on America's good side.

They also share ''another'' unsinkable aircraft carrier, Diego Garcia, in the British Indian Ocean Territory.

'''The Bear and the Lion - Russia'''

-->''I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma: but perhaps there is a key. That key is Russian national interests.''
-->-'''Winston Churchill'''

The UK and Russia fought on the same side in the two World Wars, mostly because the [[EnemyMine Germans were on the other side]]. They also teamed up against the French in the Napoleonic Wars, too (though only after Russia had teamed up with the French and been backstabbed). Between times, it's not been a particularly good relationship, partly due to British support for the Ottoman Empire and the two nations' rivalry in the so-called 'Great Game' of power politics in Central Asia. The Crimean War is a prominent example.

During the ColdWar and more recently, following the rise of Vladimir Putin, Tu-95 (also now Tu-160 as well) bombers would regularly enter the UK Air Defence Zone to probe British defences, getting chased out by the RAF. The range of the Tornado F3 (the interceptor form of the Panavia Tornado) was designed to travel the long distances involved. The Eurofighter Typhoon is now taking on this role.

The threat of MnogoNukes led to the setting up of a US radar station in Yorkshire to give warning of incoming Soviet missiles. While this gave the US about thirty minute's warning of nuclear attack, the UK only got about four, hence the term "four-minute warning".

There's a bit of a diplomatic dispute going on at the moment over the murder/assassination of Alexander Litvinenko- the UK wants a Russian suspect for questioning, but the Russians refuse on grounds that their constitution prohibits extradition of their own citizens. They are, supposedly, willing to try said suspect locally, but claim the British haven't provided enough evidence. The British take this with a pinch of salt, and relations have been frosty (at best) ever since.

'''Ashes to Lords: Australia'''

-->''Of all God's creatures, the only ones with no evolutionary purpose are the wasp, the leopard seal and the Australian.''
-->-'''[[Series/TopGear JeremyClarkson]]'''

The UK has a very good relationship with the LandDownUnder, in a VitriolicBestBuds manner. There is much gentle mocking of each other's customs and [[UsefulNotes/TheAshes a fierce cricketing rivalry]] that is the most watched international cricketing contest in the UK. If there's any nationality that can expect a universally positive welcome in Britain (outside of an Ashes year) it's the Aussies.

Australia is also renowned amongst many Brits to be the most British 'foreign' nation in the world, as the Aussies share the style of humour enough to laugh at British jokes and the British laugh at theirs. Generally it is regarded as a 'sunny England' and a prime holiday location (minus the [[EverythingTryingToKillYou local wildlife]], of course). The beer is okay, too.