->''[[AC: Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL, I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?]]''
-->-- '''[=GLaDOS=]''', ''VideoGame/{{Portal}}''

A tendency for people to mock others for having certain hobbies or things they like. They imply that it's a bit more than just "like". They might imply the feeling is actually romantic, or more recently, sexual.

Say someone is talking about their stamp collection, and you get sick of it and say, "Why don't you marry it?" Or say, "You have a stamp fetish?"

Actually used more in RealLife and meta fiction than in actual fiction. Some fans make a crack about authors or characters doing things that aren't really {{Fetish}} or AuthorAppeal, but seem like it anyway.

Again, if it actually is a {{Fetish}} or AuthorAppeal, that would go in those tropes. And for the complete package, check out JustForFun/TropersDoItWithoutNotability.

A SisterTrope to GetARoom.

Compare MarriedToTheJob, YouNeedToGetLaid.


!!"Why don't you marry it?"

* A late '90s commercial for Cap'n Crunch's Peanut Butter Crunch has a girl ask her older brother this question. "[[CargoShip Maybe I will]]!" he responds, and imagines a FallingInLoveMontage of scenes of him being married to the cereal.
* And one from [=McDonalds=] involving an older sister, a younger brother, and Apple Dippers. Including the groom's family, which are apples.
* In the late '80s-early '90s, when AT&T first introduced 3-way calling to residential phone lines, a TV commercial for this feature showed a mom whose son and daughter had grown up and moved out of her home, and who couldn't decide which of her 2 kids she wanted to call more; when she called both of them, the daughter said, "I just ''love'' AT&T's new 3-way calling!", to which the son snarked, "Well why don'tcha marry it?"
* An advertisement for Payless - a woman says that she likes [=BOGO=] ("buy one, get one") and the woman with her asks "Well, why don't you marry it?" The woman considers this, that she could be [[MrsHypothetical "Mrs. Payless [=BOGO=]."]]

[[folder:Anime and Manga]]
* ''Anime/MazingerZ'': Kouji Kabuto has this thrown at him by his little brother after spending just a little too much time gushing over a new support unit for the Mazinger. Kouji's reply is along the lines of a not entirely sarcastic "maybe I will," much to the annoyance of [[{{Tsundere}} Sayaka]]. And then is the episode where Minerva-X appeared...
* From ''Manga/SoulEater'', when [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} Marie Mjolnir]] complains to her straight-laced friend and fellow Death Scythe Yumi Azusa about having terrible luck with men in the ladies room, Yumi jokes that she should marry the toilet. Marie promptly commits and fantasizes about the wedding. Yumi however points out that toilets aren't exactly faithful, whereupon Marie smashes the toilet in one blow.
** In the manga, marrying the toilet is her idea. She doesn't want to be any more of a ChristmasCake, so she decides to marry the toilet because it will accept anything given to it without question.
* Yuki from ''Manga/SchoolLive'' teased Kurumi twice in the anime about how she should marry her shovel.

[[folder:Comic Books]]
* In ''Action Comics'' #830, Dr Psycho says this when he realises NobleDemon Black Adam doesn't share his contempt for Franchise/{{Superman}}.
* During the "Home Schooling" arc of ''ComicBook/{{Runaways}}'', Molly Hayes declares that she wants to marry Old Lace, mainly because she's bored and trying to get a rise out of Klara Prast, who's ignoring her.
* ''ComicBook/ThePowerpuffGirls'': "Pizza My Heart" (DC Comics #41) opens with the girls and the Professor at a pizza restaurant. Buttercup is joyously sprinkling garlic powder on her slice.
-->'''Buttercup:''' I sure do love garlic!\\
'''Bubbles:''' (''winking to her'') Then why don't you marry it?

* From the fanfic ''Fanfic/HarryPotterAndTheMethodsOfRationality'': ''God he loved his [[TimeMachine Time-Turner]] and someday, when they were old enough, they would get married.'' He later extends the arrangement to include his cool Defence teacher.
* ''Fanfic/TheTypicalGundamSEEDDestiny''
-->'''Shinn''': Minerva! Send me a new chest flyer and the Sword Silhouette!
-->'''Meyrin''': (Over communications channel) If you love the Sword Silhouette so much, why donít you marry it?
-->'''Shinn''': Just do it, Lunaís sister!

[[folder:Films -- Animated]]
* On ''WesternAnimation/MonstersInc'' Mike Wazowski thinks he's so romantic he should just marry himself.

[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
* In the TV movie ''Film/BlueWindow'' (based on Craig Lucas's play), a woman says, about what she's getting tipsy on, "I love this punch. I want to have a relationship with this punch."
* A variation in the film ''Film/TheCourtJester'':
-->'''Roderick:''' I am king. If it pleases me, you shall marry Griswold.
-->'''Gwendolyn:''' If it pleases you so much, ''you'' marry Griswold.
* ''Film/HaroldAndKumarGoToWhitecastle'': When Harold and Kumar are arrested and put into jail by racist, hick cops, Kumar spots a confiscated bag of weed and fantasizes going on a date with a [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_ZlnWQbCeE giant anthropomorthized bag of weed]]. Then taking it on a date, having sex with it, marrying it, and ending up in an abusive domestic argument with it.
* In ''Film/MysteryMen'' The Bowler asks "If you love him so much, why don't you marry him?" when the Shoveler is worried about Mr. Furious' departure from the team. He asks her the same, and it turns into an ArgumentOfContradictions.
* A rare example where this is meant and taken seriously in ''Film/ProblemChild 2''. It's the standard set up - NiceGuy Ben is betrothed to the RichBitch Lawanda, but there's a NiceGirl Annie, so their kids hook them up and crash the arranged wedding. Ben's [[CorruptCorporateExecutive father]] needs Lawanda's money to fund his failing enterpise, so he demands that his son marries her, to which Ben suggest that ''he'' marries her instead. He does, and it all ends to mutual satisfaction.

* ''Literature/HarryPotter'':
** In ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheGobletOfFire'', after Percy gushes one too many times about his new boss, Ron comments, "They'll be announcing their engagement any day now."
** And in ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheHalfBloodPrince'', Ron makes a similar statement about the feelings of apparition instructor Wilkie Twycross regarding Hermione- "Oh, she was perfect, obviously. Perfect deliberation, divination, and desperation or whatever the hell it is - we all went for a quick drink in the Three Broomsticks after and you should've heard Twycross going on about her - I'll be surprised if he doesn't pop the question soon."
* In ''Stink and the Freaky Frog Freakout'' from the ''Stink Moody'' series, a spinoff of the ''Literature/JudyMoody'' books, when Stink becomes "freaky for frogs," his friend Riley suggests "You should marry a frog, you like them so much."
* In the picture book ''Betty Bunny Loves Chocolate Cake'', Betty Bunny declares that she's going to marry chocolate cake after having her first taste of it.
* In ''Pax'', a pre-teen - young adult novel about [[ABoyAndHisX a boy and his fox]], the boy Peter meets a woman, Vola, who keeps using the word "''dyableman''." (It's a Haitian-Creole word that means "damned.") He tells her that he if he were in second grade, he'd tell her that she loves the word so much, she should marry it.
* On one of the ''Literature/DiaryOfAWimpyKid'' books, a flashback of a younger Greg has him meeting a boy named Quinn at school saying this word-for-word after asking Greg if he likes ice cream. Being just a little kid, Greg [[LiteralMinded thinks that he'll actually have to marry ice cream]] until Susan tells him Quinn was just joking.
-->'''Quinn:''' Do you like ice cream?
-->'''Greg:''' ''Yeah!''
-->'''Quinn:''' Then why don't you ''MARRY'' it?

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* ''Series/PeeWeesPlayhouse'' used the phrase occasionally, and finally Pee-Wee said, "All right, I will!"... about a bowl of fruit salad. [[https://youtu.be/6B6bXWuKWW0 The ceremony was lovely.]]
* In ''Series/{{Friends}}'', Phoebe gets wasted and mocks Ross for getting so many divorces. "You love divorce so much, you'll probably marry it! But that won't work out and you'll have to get a divorce as well."
* ''Series/ThirtyRock'' Tracy Jordan likes ''Franchise/{{Halo}}'' so much, he wants to take it out behind the middle school and get it pregnant.
* From ''Series/PushingDaisies'': "You love secrets. You want to marry secrets and have little half-human half-secrets babies."
* Doctor Cox on ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'' used this aimed at himself for emphasis in one episode.
--> I love this moment so much I want to have sex with it.
--> This moment is so great, I'd cheat on that other moment from before, marry this one, and raise a family of tiny little moments.
* In an episode of ''Series/ArrestedDevelopment'', George Sr. enjoys an ice cream sandwich whilst in prision. Later in the episode, Michael walks in on Lucille screaming into the phone: "Well, why don't you ''marry'' an ice cream sandwich?" As it turns out, [[BlatantLies she was talking to Gob.]]
* A version of this trope appeared on ''Series/{{House}}'' when a gay man with HIV wanted House to diagnose him (thinking he had something else in addition to the HIV).
-->'''House''': Now let go of my cane before I make it your new boyfriend.
-->'''Kalvin''': Honey, I will marry it if you take my case.
-->'''House''': Congress says you can't, so...
* ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'':
** Willow said this about Spike and Buffy once. Unfortunately, at the time, PowerIncontinence made it so [[LiteralGenie everything she said literally came true]]. Cue [[HilarityEnsues them spending the rest of the episode]] jumping between being SickeninglySweethearts and fighting over their marriage plans. This was before they got together in the series normally, so everyone was very disturbed.
** And on Season Six, when Anya and Xander are talking about their wedding plans after speaking with [[BattleCouple Riley and Sam]], this ensues:
-->'''Anya''': You know, if you love Riley Finn so much maybe you should just marry him.
-->'''Xander''': He's taken. ({{Beat}}) And that's not the point.
* ''Series/GilmoreGirls'': "I love my new digital camera, I wanna marry it."
* From an ''Series/ICarly'' episode: "I love this pie. I wanna be Mrs. Sam... This Pie."
* ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'' had a sketch on the season 31 episode hosted by Alec Baldwin in which a little boy says he loves hot dogs. Another kid says, "If you love it so much, why doncha marry it?" Cut to 20, 30 years later, and the little boy becomes a man (Baldwin) married to a hot dog with two half-human, half-hot dog kids (played by Creator/AmyPoehler and Andy Samberg).
* ''Series/{{Community}}'':
** Pierce's retort to Annie standing up for Greendale.
-->'''Pierce:''' "If you like it so much, why don't you gay marry it?"
** Jeff's response to Abed observing that the Black Rider is "network-TV good-looking."
* Jeremy Clarkson of ''Series/TopGear'' was once so impressed with a road he was driving on that he wanted to marry it and have its babies.
* In the BBC production ''Bernard And the Genie'', the genie (who was trapped in the lamp for nearly two millenia and is very much a FishOutOfTemporalWater) reacts to listening to classical music for the first time by declaring, [[LargeHam "My ears want to mate with this music and bear its children!"]]

[[folder:Stand-Up Comedy]]
* Comedian Mike Birbiglia plays with this in one joke; "I love pizza so much that I would marry it, but it would really just be an elaborate plot to ''eat her whole family'' at the reception."

* OlderThanSteam: In Shakespeare's ''Theatre/AMidsummerNightsDream'', Hermia's father Egeus is trying to force her to marry Demetrius. Her lover Lysander tells Demetrius that if Egeus thinks he's so great, "Do you marry him!"
* In ''Theatre/WestSideStory'', Baby John, commenting on a comic book he's reading, says that he loves Franchise/{{Superman}}. "So marry him," Snowboy snaps back.

[[folder:Video Games]]
* ''VideoGame/{{Portal}}'':
** Our chief DeadpanSnarker, [=GLaDOS=], even stoops to this when the player is holding one of her fallen personality cores, as quoted above.
** From ''VideoGame/Portal2'', Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science and complete lunatic on science:
--->'''Cave Johnson:''' [[ForScience Science isn't about why, it's about why not]]! Why is [[ScienceIsBad so much of our science dangerous]]? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much? [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you in the butt on the way out]], [[BadBoss because you are fired]]! [[IsThisThingStillOn Not you, test subject, you're doing fine]]. Yes, you! Box, your stuff! Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.

* ''Webcomic/SluggyFreelance'' occasionally uses this trope for [[http://ads.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=990327 Riff's love of hi-tech weaponry]].
* ''Webcomic/QuestionableContent'':
** After Marten visits a new coffee shop with Hannelore because it's too awkward to go back to [[DoomyDoomsOfDoom Coffee of Doom]] after his awkward breakup with Dora. Hannelore, of course, now works at CoD, and rather angrily invokes this trope as Marten proclaims his approval of the new place.
** In another one, Marigold and Dale are having an incredibly awkward anime night. Dale mentions he likes ''Pretty Space Samauri Makodo'', and Marigold says she thought it was dumb. After a DeathGlare from Momo, she amends her opinion to "I - I mean it's really good! It's the best! I want to marry it!" Dale is confused.
* In a ''Webcomic/{{Shortpacked}}!'' guest strip by [[Webcomic/SomethingPositive Randy Milholland]], when Ethan defends the Nightrunner character from then-recent ''Franchise/{{Batman}}'' comics, a customer replies "Jesus! If you love him so much, go fag-marry French Batman." Ethan calmly replies "He's fictional, sir, and gay marriage isn't legal yet. But I've got something just as wonderful." Cut to Ethan's boyfriend, in costume, declaring "Je suis ... ''Batman''!"
* ''Webcomic/DarthsAndDroids''
-->'''Pete/R2-D2''': We're about to recover my [[CoolStarship dreadnought]]. My beautiful, precious dreadnought.
-->'''Sally/C-3P0''': If you love it so much, why don't you marry it?
-->'''Pete/R2-D2''': Hey, I'm a droid. [[RoboShip I've thought about it]].
-->'''Sally/C-3P0''': [[{{Squick}} Ewwww]].
* In ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}'', Jade combines the human concept of marriage with the troll concept of kismesistude to make Karkat's password "IF I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH, THEN WHY DON'T I HATEMARRY MYSELF?"

[[folder:Web Original]]
* ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''.
** Mako loved the ocean so much ''he actually married it''. And then divorced. And then they got back together.
** When Kaiba refuses to let Yami uses his Blue-Eyes White Dragon, even to defeat Noah, Yami exasperatedly asks why he doesn't just marry it. "Believe me, I've looked into it."
* The ''spEak You're bRanes'' blog has the URL ''ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com''. Comes from the overuse of this phrase in the [[http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/talking_point/default.stm Have Your Say]] comments that the blog is dedicated to mocking ("If you like China so much, why don't you go live there?")
* ''WebAnimation/HappyTreeFriends'' - "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yOSCwu8I6Y A Sucker for Love (Part Two)]]". To sum it up briefly, it's like the DaydreamSurprise from "[[WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants Just One Bite]]" lasted the entire episode. [[CrapsaccharineWorld And then some.]]
* wheezywaiter married his coffee in [[http://youtu.be/wDjRDo7BQDU You Got it, Dude]]

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* There was a scene in ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'' where, after someone states Peter should marry a slice of blueberry pie, he does and then proceeds to ''make it the beneficiary of his life insurance''. He eats it in the time it takes to pull the necessary forms.
* In ''WesternAnimation/TransformersPrime'', Miko says this to Bulkhead when he asks how Arcee is.
* ''WesternAnimation/RenAndStimpy'' had an entire episode based on this. (It's a chicken from a grocery store, squick ensues.)
** And in one of the comic books it's a bag of kitty litter.
* ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'':
** When Lisa becomes a vegetarian, annoying twins Sherri and Terri ask her if she's going to marry a carrot. She sarcastically replies "Yes, I'm going to marry a carrot". The twins (whether intentionally or not) miss her sarcasm and giggle madly that she admitted it.
** In another episode, Homer becomes a minister and starts officiating gay marriages. When Lovejoy complains and cites the Bible, Homer says "WhyDontYouMarryIt" and then pronounces them man and wife - with Lovejoy as the wife.
** In another episode, Homer goes to Micronesia to become a missionary (and evade collectors). Two natives told him what Craig and Amy (Homer's predecessors) were doing before leaving and Homer was so upset from hearing about them he asked the two natives why they didn't marry Craig and Amy. One native, showing that he DoesNotUnderstandSarcasm, told the other he knew they should have asked.
* ''WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender'' "[[Recap/AvatarTheLastAirbenderSokkasMaster Sokka's Master]]": Katara once accused Toph of this towards Sokka. In an attempt to crack a joke...which resulted in non-amused looks.
* Toyed with on ''WesternAnimation/TheVentureBrothers'' when Jonas Venture Jnr. reveals his [[WaveMotionGun secret weapon]]:
-->'''G-Man #1''': If that gun were a woman I'd marry it!"
-->'''G-Man #2''': If that gun were a woman I'd jeapordise our friendship by sleeping with your hot wife!
* ''WesternAnimation/{{Animaniacs}}'':
** Used so hilariously in the episode "Balony and Kids", a spoof on Barney and Kids.
-->'''Little Boy''': There's nothing better to do after school, than stay at school and play!
-->'''Little Girl''': I love school so much, I wish I could marry it!
-->*Little Boy eyes Little Girl with confusion*
** Another episode has a character revealed to be marrying a live chicken, because he loves chicken so much, though it was AllJustADream. When he wakes up, he gets excited when presented with a bucket of chicken by his actual wife.
* ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'' episode "200" suggests that Tim Burton should just marry Johnny Depp already.
* In the ''WesternAnimation/SpongebobSquarepants'' episode "Married to Money", after one of Plankton's failed attempts to get the Krabby Patty secret formula, he mocks Mr. Krabs' love for money and asks why doesn't he marry it. To which Mr. Krabs replies sadly that he would if he could.
* ''WesternAnimation/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles2003'': Raphael make use of this trope to Donatello when the latter wouldn't stop praising the mousers' robotics.
** Seems to be a recurring thing concerning these two, as in [[WesternAnimation/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles2012 the 2012 cartoon]] episode "[[Recap/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles2012S1E17TCRI TCRI]]", Raph uses the trope name word-for-word when Donnie starts geeking out over the Kraang's inter-dimensional portal.
* In the ''WesternAnimation/AmericanDad'' episode "American Dream Factory", a prospective employee keeps bring up the perks at Best Buy, to the point where Stan yells out "WHY DON'T YOU JUST MARRY BEST BUY?!"
* In the ''WesternAnimation/{{Chowder}}'' episode "Mung on the Rocks", Truffles accuses Mung of loving his kitchen more than her and tell him this. Chowder takes it a bit literally.
-->'''Chowder:''' You can marry a kitchen!? One day. ''(makes out with a table)''
-->'''Mung:''' Chowder, stop kissing my kitchen!
* On ''WesternAnimation/TeenTitansGo'', Starfire mentions how much she loves chili, and Raven sarcastically suggests that she marry it. Starfire, being LiteralMinded, takes her up on the offer.

* [[http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/marryjesus.jpg This sign]], which was made in response to a group of counter-protesting Christians at a pro-gay marriage protest in Washington DC.
** Rather ironic, since the Bible makes frequent comparisons of Jesus and the Church to a groom and bride...
* At the Rally to Restore Sanity:
-->'''Jon Stewart''': I do love America!
-->'''Stephen Colbert''': Then why don't you marry it?
-->'''Jon Stewart''': Stephen, that's what a fourth grader would say.
-->'''Stephen Colbert''': A fourth grader who LOVES AMERICA!
* There are some legends about female saints, who, confronted with the problem of being wooed by clingy suitors who wouldn't leave them alone, sent them their breasts, eyes, or whatever the male had complimented most, in a box, as if to imply: "If you like my eyes so much, why don't you marry ''them''?" This was... mostly effective, although probably more because of NightmareFuel than anything else. (It should be noted that the Bible says to chop off whatever body part makes ''you'' do evil, it doesn't mention chopping off body parts that cause ''other people'' to act in an immoral way.)

!!"Probably has a fetish for it."

* In a movie adaptation of ''Film/TheDukesOfHazzard'', one of the Duke cousins said he'd sleep with their car. When the other asked if he meant ''in'' instead of ''with'', the cousin confirmed he meant to have sex with it.
* In ''Film/WestSideStory'', Baby John comments on Captain Marvel, a comic book he is reading. He says, "Gee, I love him." To which Action impatiently snaps "So marry him!"

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* In ''Series/TheColbertReport'', one of "The Word" segments mentions all the horrible things in old classic fairy tales, and a lot of them involve feet, so the caption is "Creator/BrothersGrimm must have had a foot fetish."[[note]]One of those tales is "Literature/TheLittleMermaid", which is not by the Brothers Grimm, but RuleOfFunny mattered there.[[/note]]

[[folder:Video Games]]
* Sapphire accuses Mao of this in regards to his [[MadScientist experiments]] in ''VideoGame/{{Disgaea 3|AbsenceOfJustice}}''. You know you've got issues when the [[AxCrazy certified wackjob]] of the group calls you a perv.
* In ''VideoGame/{{Disgaea 2|Cursed Memories}}'', Rozalin regularly insists that Adell [[BloodKnight enjoys fighting]] just ''way'' too much for it not be a fetish.

[[folder:Web Original]]
* Yami mocking Kaiba for his "dragon fetish" in episode 14 of ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''. Then there's the whole thing with Kisara... [[note]][[WordofGod Takahashi has stated that Kaiba's fixation with the Blue Eyes is meant to reflect Priest Seto's relationship with Kisara, although Kaiba's conscious/stated reason is that the BEWD is one of the cornerstones of his absolute beatdown strategy, especially in that no stronger card without adverse summoning conditions or effects existed, nor were any other copies accessible, thereby giving Kaiba a near-monopoly on beatdown.[[/note]]
** "Believe me, I've looked into it."
* ''WebVideo/{{lonelygirl15}}'' fans joke that Jonas Wharton has a bathtub fetish, seeing as there are so many scenes of him in the bath.
* In ''Roleplay/SurvivalOfTheFittest'', an in-universe fan of the show comments that the 'writers' must have a fetish for people getting blown up. Oliver Dodd also accuses [[BigBad Danya]] of having some kind of fetish for seeing students getting carved up. Some characters enjoy violence a little ''too'' much...

If you love this article so much, why don't you just marry it?